Limerence
by RacheKnowsNoEnd
Summary: A boy wakes up in an unfamiliar bed. Read as he finds out that he is five years old again, living in a fictional universe centered around a boy who isn't even alive yet, and is the twin brother of none other than Remus Lupin. Zephyrus is out to change things for the better, to protect his family and friends. It's a good thing he has a plan. (Slash, OMC, YAOI)
1. Chapter 1: Concerning Reincarnation

Chapter One: Concerning Reincarnation

My head was ringing when I 'woke up'. I felt like I had just been to one of my friends birthday party's and had stayed up too late drinking soda and other sugary drinks before waking up too early. That wasn't the case, however, because last night I had been…

Last night I had been..

I couldn't remember what I had been doing last night. I shot up in bed, the quick motion making me nauseous and causing the room to spin around. I raised my hands to grasp my head in between them, closing my eyes and fighting the urge to regurgitate whatever was in my stomach.

I stayed that way for a moment, just allowing my body to get used to sitting in an upright position. Cautiously, I cracked open one of my eyes and audibly sighed in relief when the room remained immobile. The first thing that caught my eye was the wall opposite of my bed; it had been painted green.

'When had Mum and Dad had a chance to paint my room without me noticing?' I wondered, blinking and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or dreaming. No, the wall was still green.

I grabbed the corner of my comforter with my left hand and pulled, yanking the blanket in a diagonal motion to uncover my legs so that I could get out of bed and investigate the strange color of my wall - At least, that was what my undeveloped plan was until I got distracted by something a lot more strange.

My legs only reached halfway to the end of my bed. I know for a fact that my legs were practically at the edge; I was considerably tall for a fourteen year old and I had just been complaining to my parents that I needed a bigger mattress to sleep on. This mattress, however, was a twin bed - so what the hell was going on?

My head was pounding now that the ringing had stopped, a result from the combination of my racing thoughts and dry mouth. I was most likely dehydrated but that was the least of my worries; because I didn't have my hands.

I had hands, yes, but they were absolutely not MY hands. My hands were twice the size of the ones that were being held steadily in front of my face at the present moment. My hands were normally much more tan, had a rougher look about them, and they also had a scar on my right index finger from where I had almost cut it off a couple of years ago on accident.

I felt myself beginning to hyperventilate in my panic. Where was I and why was my body so different? Was this a weird, lifelike dream? What was going on?

My eyes scoured the unfamiliar room that I was in, completely discomfited by the way that a small part of me almost seemed to recognize it. That was impossible though because I absolutely didn't recognize the green walls, the beige carpeting, or the green and grey striped comforter I was laying underneath.

I didn't recognize any of children books scattered in small piles around the room, the wooden chest with an open lid revealing a small amount of toys, or what looked like a second hand dresser that was chipped in a couple of places.

I made a startled noise that got caught in the back of my throat, thankfully slightly muffling the sound, because I didn't recognize the other twin-sized bed in the room either. The bed that had a lump underneath a comforter that was identical to my own - well, to the one that I was using currently at least.

Slowly, I moved my legs to the edge of the bed and quietly stood up after I felt my feet connect with carpet. I winced with every squeak the obviously well-used mattress made as I got out of the bed, hoping that I would be able to get up without awakening the other occupant of the room.

There was a mirror on top of the dresser, one of the small cosmetic mirrors that spun with one side more magnified than the other side. My sister had one on her desk so that she could apply her make-up easily but hers had a gold stand while this one just seemed to be made out of some kind of silver metal.

I crept across the room and frowned when my eyes only came up to the second highest drawer on the rather shabby dresser. My eyes nervously searched the room for something I could stand on top of without breaking it; I was desperate to look into the mirror because something told me I wouldn't recognize myself.

My eyes lit up as they landed on a chair that was tucked away in the corner of the room closest to the bed opposite of the one I had woken up in; The bed that currently had an unknown person sleeping inside of it. I did what I always do before coming to a decision on whether the reward of completing a goal was worth the risk I was taking to complete aforementioned goal. I made a list of the pros and the cons, just like my Mum had taught me.

Pros: I would get insight into my current situation (possibly). I would be able to see if my cell phone, which I couldn't see anywhere else in the room, was on top of the dresser.

Cons: The other person may be a light sleeper, so I could possibly wake up someone I don't know and have to deal with an awkward (potentially hostile?) situation. The other occupant may be highly possessive and could fly off the handle when they sees that I moved a chair from 'their side' of this room.

It was about even on both sides, I couldn't think of any other pros or cons. I also couldn't think of anything else I could do right now besides randomly explore the rest of the house I was in, which was even more stupid than dragging a chair over to a dresser. Resigning myself to a possible awkward encounter, I stealthily made my way over to the antique looking chair situated in the corner.

Carefully, I moved a stack of books from the seat of the chair and placed them delicately on the floor just at the foot of the bed. I glanced at the lump in the bed I was standing next to and silently watched as the green and gray comforter rose and fell in an easy rhythm. Based on the breathing pattern and the soft, barely audible snoring sounds I would guess the other person was sound asleep. I couldn't see their face with the blanket pulled over their head, so my assumption would have to do in this case.

Hopefully they were a deep sleeper.

I grabbed the chair by the middle, my hands both latching onto an expanse of rounded, worn wood that connected the back of the chair with the seat on both sides. I lifted up, letting out a sharp breath when I felt how heavy this old chair was, and finally frowning as I stepped away from the chair.

I couldn't lift a chair. Either I was incredibly weak or that chair was incredibly heavy; based on the fact that the chair was as tall as I was myself, the rational side of my brain was leaning towards the former. With a grimace, I once again grabbed the chair and tilted it so that the two front legs were no longer connected to the ground before I began dragging it across the carpet.

The somewhat rickety chair made sounds of protest as it was manhandled across the carpet, leaving two thick lines from where the chair had originally sat to where I was moving it to because of the back legs digging into the soft carpet as I dragged the stupid thing.

I let out a satisfied huff of air when I finally reached my destination, pushing the chair so that the back was flat up against the wall of drawers. I gingerly stepped onto the seat, eyeing the piece of furniture suspiciously as it groaned in protest with my additional weight. Figuring that it was safe for now and knowing the sooner I looked into the mirror, the sooner I would be able to stop standing on the unreliable piece of furniture, I eagerly turned the cosmetic mirror towards my face and looked at the reflective surface.

My jaw dropped and I jumped a little in my surprise, momentarily forgetting that I was standing on a piece of furniture that was meant to be sat upon. I gracelessly tumbled off of the chair, landing with a loud 'thump' in an undignified heap beside the dresser and letting out a small groan of pain. That was admittedly stupid.

I ignored the telltale sounds of bedsheets being moved, the sound just not registering in my ears, and quickly got back to my feet. I scrambled to get on top of the chair once again and stared into the small, circular mirror that was reflecting back what should have been my face.

In the mirror was the face of a young child, maybe five years old or possibly six. The face was thin with high cheekbones but there was still some baby fat around the jaw area. Jade eyes, which was like a darker green color, were staring at me with light brown eyebrows furrowed above them in confusion. Light brown - almost blonde - hair was hanging down and covering my forehead carelessly, still in disarray from sleep. The slightly angular face was more pale than the one I was used to seeing and definitely a lot younger as well.

Tentatively, I brought a finger up to my face and watched in captivation as the reflection did the same thing. I slowly brought the finger towards my face, not thinking for a moment how strange this would look to someone looking at the scene as an observer, and I flinched when the finger finally made contact with pale, unblemished skin.

Quickly, I all but slammed the mirror so that it was face down, luckily not breaking it, before I plopped into the seat I had previously been using as a stool. I could feel my breathing once again quicken, my lungs feeling tight and the pressure in my head akin to what I would imagine it would feel like to have someone crushing your skull between two hard surfaces.

'This is a dream.' I thought hysterically, my breathing coming in short, pained gasps. 'There is no other explanation. This isn't real. This can't be real.'

"'Phy?" I heard a young, quiet voice call out tentatively. My head snapped up at the sound, the speed causing a jolt of pain to flash down my neck which I ignored in favor of staring at the other boy sitting up in the bed. The other occupant, who was a small boy that looked about five or six, was awake and staring at me with concern painted on his features.

I didn't say anything, still struggling to breathe normally, but I was uncomfortably aware of how the sound of my desperate attempts to get oxygen into my lungs seemed to reverberate within the small room. The other boy had the same color of hair as the boy I had just glimpsed in the mirror had, the same bone structure, and even the same shape of eyebrows. The only difference was that this boy's eyes seemed to be a lovely shade of brown, more of an amber color really, instead of the green I had just seen.

My body tensed as I watched the other boy climb out of his bed and make his way to where I was sitting, hunched over and clutching my stomach as I tried to even out my breaths. I was having a full blown panic attack in front of this little kid and the boy was completely calm as he approached me. It was both impressive and curious at the same time, something I filed away in my mind to think about at a later time when I didn't feel like I was dying.

"It's okay 'Phy, just breathe." The boy said in an innocent tone of voice, wrapping his arms around me in a surprisingly tight embrace. I tucked my head near his bony shoulder, concentrating on his breathing in the hope that I would be able to match his calm, even breaths. I'm not sure how long he stood there, hugging me while I sat on the chair, but eventually my body relaxed. My breathing evened out, the pain in my chest faded away, and even the pounding in my head degraded into an ache rather than the sharp pain it had been. The boy kept holding me even when I calmed down, his body relaxing from the more tense position it had been in previously, and the room was silent as we took comfort from one another. I can honestly say I have never felt so comfortable with a complete stranger before; Normally, it took me a long time to trust anyone and an even longer time to be comfortable with physical contact, but something about this boy just felt.. Right.

"Remus? Zephyrus?" I heard a gentle voice call, followed by a soft knocking on the only door in the room right before it opened. Standing in the doorway was a middle-aged woman with brown hair twisted into a bun and kind brown eyes. She took in our position, obviously comforting one another, and got a concerned look on her face instantly. "Is everything okay you two?"

"Yeah, Mum." The boy said, letting go of me and stepping back to face the woman as he spoke. "He wasn't feeling very good."

"What's wrong, Zephyrus?" The woman asked, walking towards me and laying her hand on my forehead in order to check for a fever. Her eyes were filled with love and concern as she looked over me, seeing if there were any signs of me being sick or injured, and it warmed me slightly to see her looking at me like that.

"N-Nothing." I replied, assuming she meant me when she said Zephyrus, which would make the other boy Remus. My mind raced as I tried to think of a believable lie to tell her; It wasn't exactly normal for five year olds to have existential crisis first thing in the morning, after all. "Bad dream."

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie." The woman said, lips turning down slightly in sympathy as she smoothed my hair down in the back. The gesture was familiar and comforting, making my body relax even more. "It's over now, you're awake and you are safe."

I wish I could believe her, I really did, but I still wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not. It feels like it is real, like I'm honestly awake; but how is that possible? I have never had a dream this vivid before. Why would I dream about this other kid and his Mum, people I had never met, and why would I dream about being a different person, a person who is probably six or seven years younger than I really was. None of this made any sense.

"I was coming to wake you both up for breakfast. It's on the table." The Woman said, smiling gently as she looked us both over. "Remus, why don't you go wash your hands while I talk to your brother. We'll be in there in a moment."

"Okay Mum." Remus replied cheerfully, hesitating only for a second before grabbing my hand in his and giving it a comforting squeeze. I smiled reassuringly at him, thankful for the gesture and his help earlier, and the boy returned it with a bright grin of his own before walking out of the room.

"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" The woman, who I assumed was my Mum as well considering Remus was my alleged brother, asked me.

I shook my head, my mind still trying to catch up and figure out what the help was going on. I didn't want to lie and make up some nightmare; it was always better to keep things as simple as possible so you didn't slip up later. "No, I feel better."

"Alright. If you want to talk, just let me know Zephyrus." My 'Mum' said, once again revealing her loving smile. "Your father has already left to go to the Ministry, so it's just us three this morning."

"Father?" I asked, confused, before realizing how stupid that probably sounded. Luckily she seemed to take it in another way than I had meant and just told me why he needed to leave so early.

"Yes, you know the Ministry wanted him working there for awhile. Well, he had important committee meeting today he couldn't miss, so he had to leave early." She said, already standing up from the crouched position she had been in and walking towards the door.

I followed her out the door and down the hallway, my head spinning as I tried to work out what exactly was going on with me. Breakfast was a quiet affair and I excused myself after I ate the majority of the food on my plate, retreating to a corner of the living room. I had gotten one of the books from the bedroom and was pretending to read it while I thought about what could have happened to me.

My Mum and Dad were both scientists, so they raised me to value logic and reasoning above pretty much anything. Being raised to value those two things, as well as all the time spent reading to me or encouraging me to read, helped shape the person I am today. I'm what my Dad used to call 'a good man in a storm'. I was level-headed, rational, decisive, and more mature than most people my age. I rarely let my emotions get in the way because allowing them to control you did nothing to solve most situations; so, I did what I was taught to do, put my emotions aside and applied logic to my current situation.

This is what I know. I woke up in a strange house, in a strange body, with a strange name; none of which I recognize. My 'Mum' and 'Brother' both knew my name and seemed genuine in their interactions with me. I had a father, whom I had yet to meet, that was a part of some committee at someplace called the 'Ministry'. When I thought the name, the ministry, I felt this weird nudge in the back of my head; It was as though I should recognize the name. This is all that I know, so what are logical deductions I can make based off of the observations.

For starters, it is possible I am dreaming but the more I toyed with the idea, the less likely it seemed. I had never had a dream this vivid and that made me question if it was a dream so much. Maybe I was in a coma? The thing that kept throwing me off was the fact that I'm not in my body. In dreams and coma's, I'm pretty sure you always dream yourself to be yourself - not a five year old kid who looks nothing like you with a family of strangers surrounding you.

The other thing that popped into my head, after I had been pretending to read for an hour and a half, was something I had read not too long ago in a book. Reincarnation. The cycling of souls. I didn't really believe in that kind of stuff, but it was honestly the only other idea I had, so I began to see if it fit.

Reincarnation is where you die, your soul is released, before being recycled into another body - whether it is a bug, cheetah, or another person. It is based off of karma, I think, and from what I read you wouldn't know you are re-incarnated. At least, you wouldn't remember as many vivid details about your previous life as I do.

It kind of it but there were some discrepancies. Like I said, my memories of a previous life were definitely strange. Also, why was I already five years old when I suddenly became aware?

Rationally speaking, I guess the realization and onslaught of memories of a previous life could be attributed to the fact that the brain inside this body wasn't developed enough to handle the memories. So following that line of thought, it isn't as though I just popped into a five year old's body. It's more like the part that makes me 'me' as I remember myself has been dormant for five years while the brain develops enough connections to process the information.

I sound certifiably insane right now. I wish I could just shut my brain up now, maybe go back to sleep, and then wake up tomorrow complaining about middle-school again.

I pushed the thoughts about what happened to me and what was going on to the back of my mind after deciding on a course of action. I would just wait and observe while attempting to enjoy whatever is going on. If I am dreaming, at least I'll have not spent my whole dream arguing with myself about whether or not I'm dreaming. If this is my new life, then I should start living it.

I also just wanted this stupid, ridiculous, painful headache to go away.

I spent the rest of the day with Remus, who I found out was my twin brother. I should have realized it when I looked into the mirror and then saw him; of course we are twins, we are the same age and look very similar except our eyes. We aren't identical twins though, we are fraternal. Remus apparently takes after our father as far as stature and bone structure and our mother for his eyes and hair. I have my mother's hair, my mother's stature and bone structure, and my father's eyes.

Remus was surprisingly easy to get along with - which surprised me because I honestly don't really like kids. They are gross, hyper, and have way too short of an attention span. Remus was thoughtful, quiet, and actually very good at paying attention. We were even able to play chess, something I don't think I could have done in my previous life at five, so I was very impressed with Remus. It didn't stop me from destroying him at the game however.

I think Remus could tell something had changed because I kept seeing him give me these strangely penetrating looks, as though I was a puzzle he was attempting to solve. It honestly unnerved me slightly but whenever that happened I grinned to distract him before doing something I think a five year old would do.

Mum mostly just did housework all day; cleaning the house, doing laundry, sewing, cooking lunch, playing with us for a little bit, then cleaning more before finally getting dinner ready so it was on the table for Dad when he got home.

'Dad' was in a terrible mood when he got home. Remus and I watched with wide eyes as he angrily hung up his coat and all but stormed into the kitchen to talk to our Mum. He did send us a tight smile followed by a quiet greeting, but we could both tell he was focused on something else.

My interest was piqued. I put a finger to my lips, silently communicating with Remus to be silent, before edging my way towards the kitchen to hear the conversation between our parents.

"-are just complete bloody idiots!" Dad shout-whispered, obviously trying not to disturb Remus and I. "When I said they should lock him up for twenty-four hours, they laughed! Laughed!"

"Oh, Lyall." I heard Mum reply sympathetically, her shadow jerking its head back and forth as though she was shaking her head as she listened to my father rant about his day at work.

"He murdered two children! I know he is one of them, I can tell. He convinced them he was some poor muggle but as soon as I called him

What he was, you should have seen his face." Lyall ranted, pacing a few steps before turning around as he continued to tell his story. "I called him a soulless, evil creature that deserved to die - I can't believe they didn't see the malice and hate in his eyes. Its unbelievable they just released him back on the streets with the full moon tomorrow."

"That's terrible!" Mum said, concern and a bit of fear in her voice. "What are you going to do?"

"There's nothing I can do! We just have to wait. Creatures like that, they can't help themselves. He'll murder again. I'm sure of it." Dad said, moving forward towards where Mum's voice had been. I heard him murmur something soothingly under his breath and quickly backed away from the door, not wanting to get caught eavesdropping.

I wouldn't realize how important that conversation was for another day. I also wouldn't realize why, once again, I had the strangest feeling that I should be remembering something. It was honestly bothering me; like when you were about to ask a question but forgot what it was.

If only I would have connected the dots sooner, maybe I could have done something. Who knows what that would have changed?

 **A/N: Okay, so this is chapter one of Limerence. I am quite proud of this background and preparation on this story - I already have four chapters written, I'm trying to write as many as I can so I can post them once a week.**

 **Remus' nickname for Zephyrus (Zeh-fur-es) is pronounced as follows: 'Phy (Fee) ** I know that the full name is pronounced Zeh - fur- es but Remus calls him 'Phy (Fee). So deal with it.**

 **I would love to hear (read) any thoughts/feelings/concerns/questions that you might have! So please write a quick review, send a quick message, anything to let me know whether you want more or just want the story to stop.**

 **Looking forward to hearing from you all,**

 **~Rache**

 **(Also, I know this will be a Slash/Yaoi/BoyxBoy story but I'm not sure on the pairing yet. So, I thought we could vote! Below are the options I will give you, then let me know which you'd like to see.)**

 **Sirius Black -**

 **Regulus Black -**

 **James Potter -**

 **Original Character -**

 **Other -**


	2. Chapter 2: Once Bitten, Twice Shy

Chapter Two: Once Bitten, Twice Shy

It was a cold night, which is why I was wrapped like a burrito in my blanket. I had slowly been coming to terms with the fact that this most likely wasn't a dream; after all, in no dream I have ever heard of did you go through every minute of a day, fall asleep, and then wake up to another day. Besides, everything I was experiencing was just too.. Real, for it to be a dream.

I fell asleep after a long day of playing football in our backyard with Remus. Mum had been busy doing something in the house that she needed to concentrate on, so she told us to go outside and play. It was a lot of fun but still extraordinarily exhausting - even with the energy of a five year old.

It had been a couple of hours ago that I closed my eyes and went to bed, so when I opened them with a shiver, I wondered what had woken me up. I'm normally not a light sleeper but something just didn't seem right. I have a bad feeling. I squirmed around, adjusting myself to see Remus without actually leaving the comfortable heat of my blanket, and when I flopped over and saw the window I froze.

It was a dark night with a heavy fog, making the visibility almost non existent. The window was closest to Remus' bed and I could see what looked like a dark blob in the fog. I squinted my eyes, blinking rapidly to clear the sleep from my eyes and adjust to the dark. It looked as though the shape was moving, getting bigger with every second. I felt my heart clench in fear but the rational part of my mind told me that it was just my imagination playing tricks on me.

It was when one section on the window got a lot foggier than all the others that I started to doubt myself. It looked like someone was.. Breathing on the window.

"DAD!" I yelled out as loud as I could, watching fearfully as the window was lifted up quickly and with enough force to break the locks securing it.

It had a long muzzle, dark eyes, and looked deformed as it came into the room. It walked in a strange way; as though it didn't know whether to walk on all fours or if it wanted to walk upright. There were scars covering its body, sections of leathery skin where fur no longer grew, and the creature was easily three times my current size. Remus jolted awake when I screamed, scrambling to get out of bed, but the motion took the attention off of me. The wolf monster had its eyes on Remus.

"Remus!" I shouted, kicking my blankets off hurriedly to try and get in between him and the monster. I'm not sure why but I felt this unexplainable desire to protect him; My brother, my twin.

The wolf lunged at Remus at the same instant that I got out of bed, grabbing a bat that was laying on the floor of our room, I lifted it up and swung down as hard as I could. I watched in horror as the wolf bit down on Remus' leg right before the bat collided with its muzzle. Remus screamed in pain, blood already gushing out of the bite wound and seeping into our carpet, but the bat caused the wolf to open its jaws and release my brother.

Remus pulled himself away, crawling and leaving a trail of blood behind him, while the wolf howled in anger and shifted its attention back onto me. I gripped the bat with my shaking hands, my knuckles turning white, and tried to hit the creature again. The wolf caught the bat with its paw, easily pushing it aside, and lashed out with its other paw. I saw the creature's claws glint as they cut through the hair and seemed to connect with my head in slow motion.

My body felt weightless for a moment as I flew through the air before I hit the wall with a grunt of pain. I felt like my face was on fire, throbbing in pain, and my eyes were watering from it. I could feel the blood coming out of my face, coating me in dark red blood that pooled underneath where I lay on our floor. I saw Remus, still struggling to get away, and the wolf moving towards my defenceless brother.

The door burst open with a loud noise and suddenly a barrage of lights filled the room, confusing my eyes and making it impossible to see what was going on. I could hear my father's voice yelling unintelligible words, the wolf letting out what sounded like pain filled roars, and I saw Remus only a couple of feet from me. His brown eyes met my green ones, the normally happy and mischievous look in them replaced by fear and panic. I lifted my arm, stretching my hand to grasp ahold of his, and tried to smile. I managed what was most likely a grimace and felt my vision swimming from the blood loss.

Lights were still flashing in the room and the last thing I saw was the wolf jumping through the window, a red light illuminating the grey stretch of fur on his back, before everything went black.

* * *

I groaned as I struggled to open my heavy eyelids. My mouth felt dry and I had a disgusting taste in my mouth. The left side of my face felt numb, kind of like I went to the dentist and got part of my mouth numbed except it was the entire left side. As I finally cracked open my eyes, I let out another pained sound as the bright light flooded my vision and caused a sharp pain to spear through my skull.

"Careful now. Easy does it." A voice said, coming from my right side. Opening them slowly and blinking to attempt to clear my vision faster, I glanced to the right side of where I was laying to see who was there.

Standing next to what I presumed to be a hospital bed was grim faced woman with her hair pulled into a tight ponytail. Fatigue was written in her face, in the lines of her body, and the way she held herself but it didn't stop her from attempting to give me a tight smile.

"How are you feeling?" The woman asked, looking down at a chart that she had flipped open. I could see that it had my name on the front of it - Zephyrus. I couldn't read the second name on the file, most likely my surname, because her hand was blocking it.

"Terrible." I replied honestly, hating the way my entire body ached when I readjusted myself. Glancing down, I saw a hospital gown practically swallowing my thin frame and two different tubes connecting my arms to some kind of machines beside me.

"I can imagine." She said, her mouth thinning into a line and making the stress on her face even more pronounced than it was. That was when I noticed her strange outfit; it wasn't like normal scrubs, because I figured I had to be in a hospital.

She was wearing what looked like a peculiar lab coat - it was lime green and looked like something one would wear to a renaissance fair. I figured it was because she worked with kids - hence the odd color, they are always doing that kind of stuff in kids hospitals and doctor offices. It was the only strange thing about the woman until she lifted a stick up and waved it around, causing me to gape and make a startled noise as I was surrounded by a green light.

"Sorry, it's a diagnostic spell. Tells me what is wrong with you if there is anything." The woman replied, seeing the stunned expression on my face. "I'm Healer Abigail Zunter. I'm in charge of your case."

I didn't say anything, just stared at her with my mouth hanging open and a dumbstruck expression on my face. The woman shifted, suddenly seeming unsure of herself, and muttered something about thinking I was a half-bood. When she shifted and then flipped a page on the chart in her hand, Abigail also uncovered the second part of my name on the folder.

Zephyrus Lupin.

I felt my throat get tight along with my chest. My last name was Lupin. Which meant my brothers name was Remus Lupin. As in Remus John Lupin. I shook my head, naively thinking maybe I could shake myself awake or snap myself out of this.. Whatever this was. The name on the folder didn't change. Zephyrus Lupin.

"I think your parents should explain. They are with your brother right now but should be along shortly. I'll let them know you are awake." Healer Abigail said, seeming to nod reassuringly to herself as she spoke before eyeing me once again. I nodded, the action mostly just reflexive, and she hung my folder at the end of the bed before leaving my room.

As soon as the door closed, I sat up in the bed and leaned down to get the file she had just clipped to the end of the bed. It took a lot of stretching, which my muscles protested the entire time, but I finally snagged the metal container holding sheets of information. I instantly began scanning the paper, picking out useful or pertinent information.

Zephyrus Lupin, age Five, admitted two days ago for two lacerations caused by a werewolf on a full moon. It said my father, Lyall Lupin, was a wizard while my mother, Hope Lupin (nee Howell) was a muggle. It detailed that I was attacked at our family home on the night of the full moon by suspected werewolf Fenrir Greyback. Remus Lupin, twin brother, admitted the same night with a laceration and a bite.

The file said we both showed signs of inheriting magic. It also said that I would have permanent scars on my face from the attack. The file said that while Lycanthropy may only be spread through contact between blood and saliva, and would thus result in me not having Lycanthropy, I may develop more lupine tendencies, such as a fondness for rare meat, because I was scratched by a werewolf during a full moon.

I slowly let out a breath, trying to keep a lid on my emotions, and took a mental step back in order to analyze and compartmentalize before deciding on a plan of action.

First thing's first: What do I know?

I know that I am not dreaming now. The pain is too real, the events have been going on continuously, and there are no aspects common to dreams. It is doubtful that I am in a coma because there aren't any people I know and it doesn't make sense to have a coma dream about random strangers I read about in a book.

Harry Potter is a book series by J.K. Rowling that I was, admittedly, obsessed with for two years. I haven't picked up a book in a year but I still remember all the information, thankfully. I know for a fact that Remus Lupin never had a brother which means I am an anomaly in the story as I know it.

I know Remus was infected by Greyback after Lyall Lupin, his- I mean our father, insulted Greyback during an investigation Lyall was a part of pertaining to the deaths of a couple of children. When Lyall threatened Greyback, he decided to attack his son in order to teach him a lesson. He intended to kill Remus but was stopped by Lyall; Greyback never came to finish the job because he thought it a fitting punishment to turn Lyall's only son into what he called 'a soulless beast'.

Alright. According to the file, I was born on March Tenth of Nineteen Sixty which would mean that the year is currently Nineteen Sixty-Five. I know for a fact that the First Wizarding War begins in Nineteen Seventy and doesn't end until October of Nineteen Eighty-One. It is during Nineteen Seventy that Voldemort begins to seriously recruit dark creatures before finally launching the war - right now his following is a bunch of narcissistic pureblood supremacists.

What the actual hell was I going to do. I felt my emotions surge up like a tidal wave inside of me; I felt small, insignificant, useless. I was tired, in pain, hungry, weak, and sore all over my body. I had what was probably a giant scar on my face and my brother, whom I had basically just met two days ago, was a werewolf destined to die after watching all of his friends and loved ones do the same first.

The door opened before I could wallow in self-pity and for that I was thankful, not eager to sink into another panic attack. I hated when I felt as though I wasn't in control of myself or my situation; it made me feel inadequate and defenceless.

"Zephyrus!" Mum cried out, surging forward quickly when she saw I was awake and sitting upright in my bed. I let out a small noise when the air was knocked out of me, a side effect from the death grip my mother currently had me wrapped up in. I rubbed her back as she held me close, telling her soothingly that I was fine.

"Dad, Mum. Where is Remus?" I asked, causing my Mum to pull away from me slightly. She looked at my Dad with thinly veiled pain and sadness, her eyes misting over with tears, while my Dad looked ashamed. I knew my Dad probably blamed himself for Greyback's attack; I would if I was in his shoes, especially when the what if questions started coming to mind.

What if he never would have insulted Greyback, what if he had stronger protection spells on the house, what if he had gotten there a minute earlier, what if he had never taken the job at the ministry in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. I couldn't imagine how he felt, being a wizard capable of amazing feats of magic, but feeling like a failure for not being able to protect his family from a werewolf.

"Remus is in a room a couple of doors down." Dad said, his voice gruff and hoarse with emotion, his eyes finally raising from the floor to look at my face. He attempted to hide his reaction but I saw him wince when he took in the bandage covering the left side of my face, no doubt imagining how bad the scar would look.

"I want to see him." I said, smiling at my Dad. Both of my parents exchanged worried looks before taking a seat on either side of the hospital bed I was occupying.

"There's something you need to know, Zephyrus." Dad said carefully, obviously attempting to word what he was going to say in a way that would make sense to a five year old who had just been attacked by a werewolf without scaring him. "Do you know what attacked you?"

"A Werewolf." I replied, nodding my head in confirmation. My parents exchanged a shocked look, obviously not expecting me to actually know the answer, and I just barely restrained myself from pointing to the file at the foot of my bed.

"Th-That's right." Mum said, a watery smile on her face as she tried to be brave. I can't imagine what it would be like for her; A muggle, who fell in love with a wizard, who most likely had a lot of romantic or idealistic ideas of magic coming to the realization that monsters really existed. That a monster had attacked her two children, scarring one of them for life and turning the other into the very monster that attacked in the first place.

"What do you know about werewolves, son?" Dad asked, sighing and taking off the glasses he always wore to rub tiredly at his eyes.

"They are normal people who are bitten by another werewolf and after they are bitten, they turn into a werewolf. They are unable to control themselves during the full moon and when they scratch or bite you, the wound is cursed and will scar permanently." I said, rattling off the facts I knew and what I had gathered from the file I had read earlier after Healer Abigail left the room. My parents both had shocked expressions on their faces as I listed each thing; It helped me to approach the situation clinically, with cold hard facts, rather than get emotional. "Lycanthropy can only be transmitted by contact of blood and saliva. Werewolves are not like regular wolves because they have shorter snouts, tufty tails, and while a normal wolf will only rarely attack a human, a werewolf almost exclusively attacks humans. I think that is all I know."

"You always were so smart." Mum said, sniffling a little and rubbing soothing circles into my hand with her own.

"That is all correct." Dad said, clearing his throat and wiping the surprise off of his face. "What do you remember from that night?"

"Lyall!" Mum objected, looking at me worriedly and then shaking her head sharply at her husband. "It's too soon! He only just woke up."

"He needs to know, Hope. This will affect him as well." Dad said, his tone making it clear this was not the first time they were having this argument.

"What if we can find a cure? There has to be some.. Potion or a spell!" Mum exclaimed desperately, throwing her hands up in the air hysterically. "You all can become invisible, you can regrow bones in hours, you can make a broom fly! There just has to be something!"

"Hope, you know we ar-" Dad started to respond, his voice taking on a soothing quality that already had my Mum getting more in control of herself.

"It's okay." I interrupted, wanting to get this over with so I could see Remus and begin making plans for the future. "I'll tell you what happened."

"Are you sure, sweetie?" Mum asked, brown eyes focused on my jade green ones.

"I can handle it, Mum." I told her reassuringly, internally wincing at my slip-up. I had not been acting like a normal five year old would these past few minutes. I hope they just attribute it to trauma. "It was probably about two hours after I went to bed that I woke up again. I'm not sure what woke me, I just had a bad feeling, so I decided that I'd check on Remus and then go back to bed."

"It was cold that night, so I didn't want to get out of my warm comforter, so I turned on my side while still wrapped up in the blanket. It was really foggy outside, to the point that I couldn't see anything, but something still felt off to me." I continued, focusing on a random spot on the white wall opposite of my bed as I told them what happened that night. "I got the sleepiness out of my eyes and focused on the window, noticing there was some kind of shadowy shape against it, but I thought it must have been my imagination - until a section of the window fogged up."

"What do you mean fogged up?" Dad asked, leaning forward slightly as he listened to what I was saying.

"It was like when I blow the glass cases when Mum window shops. Like someone was breathing on the glass." I explained, scrunching my eyebrows together as I recalled the more gruesome details. " I knew right then that something was wrong, so I called for Dad as loud as I could and then started trying to get out of bed. I got out of the bed and had the bat in my hand, but the creature had already yanked the window open and was inside the house. My scream woke Remus up because he was trying to get away."

"I swung the bat down as hard as I could and it hit the Werewolf on the muzzle, causing him to open his jaws and let Remus go. Remus was crawling away from it, blood was everywhere, but he was still within arm's reach of the werewolf." I told them, eyes glassy as I remembered the scene I was describing. "I knew I needed to distract it from Remus, so I tried to hit it with the bat again. It knocked the bat aside and then got me with its other paw, cutting into my face with his claws and throwing me against a wall. I must have passed out after that because the next thing I know, I was waking up here."

"I'm so sorry." Mum all but whispered, wrapping me in a tight hug as she sobbed. I could tell she was horrified by what happened, sad about what was happening, and terrified of what would happen in the future.

"It's okay Mum. I'm okay." I said honestly, looking at my Dad only to find him already looking at me. His expression of guilt and regret was heartbreaking but emotions weren't my strong suit, I needed to get a plan together. The faster I knew what I was doing and what is going on, the better.

"So you saw Remus get bitten?" Dad asked solemnly, making Mums body stiffen. I did my best not to show any reaction.

"Yes, sir." I replied, keeping my voice at a neutral level. "I would really like to see Remus now."

"You know Remus has Lycanthropy, does that bother you because of the attack?" Dad asked, his face hardening into an expression I hadn't seen on his face yet. It was guarded, cautious; It was a look that my entire family would become adept at portraying in the coming years.

"Remus is only a werewolf one night of the month." I said, frowning at him and hoping he wasn't implying I shouldn't be around him. I would be devastated if they attempted to give Remus up or something just because they have another son. He would need their support more than anyone. "Remus is my twin, my brother, every night of the year. Why should I care about twelve days out of three hundred and sixty-five?"

My parents both let out simultaneous breaths of relief. They shared a look using the silent communication that came with being with someone for a long time. My Mum smiled at me, running a hand through my hair lovingly and smiling down at me. "How did we end up with two such wonderful, compassionate and caring sons?"

I shrugged, making my parents weakly chuckle. I understood why they didn't laugh; it was for the same reason I didn't, I think. Everything was so fresh and there were hard times ahead of our family - we were just promising, silently, to make it as easy as possible on one another and to get through this together.

* * *

It was two more days before I was allowed to see Remus. It was also the day that I was finally able to see my face without the bandage on it - the first day I could evaluate what kind of damage had been done to my face. I was hoping it wouldn't be too noticeable as I grow up. Not for vanity, like most would assume, but because I wanted as little identifiable, recognizable marks as possible. If I was going to keep my head down and blend in the crowd, it wouldn't do for three people to remember that guy in the corner with green eyes and a nasty scar on the left side of his face.

Healer Abigail brought me a stool to stand on so that I could reach the countertop and mirror easily. She was one of the most friendly Healers on the First Floor - Creature-Induced Injuries. I was glad that my brother was dealing with her as well; She said that if she was available, she almost always got the Werewolf cases. When I asked her why that was, Healer Abigail told me that some of the other Healers couldn't let go of prejudices or old superstitions. Medicine and the Healing Arts are constantly evolving, she had said, so the people who practice them must be evolving as well. Magic is amazing but it can unpredictable; people are constantly learning new things about magic, so it doesn't pay off to bury your head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening. It not only hurts your patients and yourself, but also the students you train and their patients.

Healer Abigail had a blunt, to the point personality that I really enjoyed. She didn't treat me like a five year old child because I didn't act like one, at least around her.

Clearing my thoughts of my favorite Healer, I stared at the pale face staring back at me in the mirror. My light brown hair, which normally had chunks of blonde in it, had a lot more brown in it lately because I hadn't been outside in almost a week. My eyes were the same jade color that I was slowly getting used too and there was a bandage taking up a quarter of my face.

I carefully lifted a corner of the gauze that was covering my face up, making sure I didn't tear the sections of my scar that had scabbed over, and gently began lifting it off of my face. I kept my face as blank as possible until I was finished, threw the dirty bandages into the waste bin, before critically eyeing the scar on my face.

It was pink, a little inflamed, and still raw looking. I knew eventually it would pucker more, it would fade a little, and wouldn't stand out as much as it did presently. The scar itself, aside from being a noticeable facial feature, wasn't honestly that bad in my mind. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't pretty or heroic looking at all - in fact, it was quite disgusting. No, what I mean by not that bad is that for being a scar, given by the claws of a notorious werewolf, while trying to distract aforementioned werewolf from eating my brother it wasn't that bad. Especially considering I'm five years old, physically at least. Maybe I'm braver than I thought I was, Gryffindor, here I come.

The scar began at my hairline, curving down in a jagged line towards my eyebrow before curving around my ocular cavity and finally ending with a horizontal slash right along the left side of my nose, across the bridge, and going halfway down the right side of my nose.

It could have been far worse. As an added bonus, I don't think anyone is going to be able to tell a Werewolf was the one who caused the scar - which means Remus and I will have to come up with a funny story about how it happened. I'm hoping that will cheer him up a little, along with seeing me of course, because Healer Abigail said he has been kind of down lately.

I sighed, blowing some of the hair hanging down across my forehead up with the sudden burst of air, and thought about my twin. I've been thinking about a lot of things these last two days because I've spent a majority of my time alone. Mum and Dad are trying to figure out where we are moving too, somewhere no one knows Remus is a werewolf, and so they've not been around at all. They told me I couldn't risk infection by visiting Remus, so I couldn't visit him, which left Healer Abigail as my only company (Who was obviously very busy considering she is a Healer.)

I know Remus won't be the same boy I was playing with only a few days ago, I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be in his position; five years old, still only a sweet child, and condemned to a life of ostracization and secrecy because of something out of your control. Unable to truly be yourself around people without the fear of exposing yourself, leading to them either telling everyone or various other scenarios. All of this just because our Dad was mad that a crazy, psychopathic child murderer was getting released the night before a full moon and had the guys to stand up to him.

I know the world isn't fair, I've especially learned that the more time I've spent as Zephyrus Lupin, but a part of me wishes that I could've taken the bite for him. So it was me who went through the transformations, it was me that had to lie, and me that needed to constantly watch my back.

Another part of me, a darker side that only whispers selfish things to me in the corner of my mind, is glad that it wasn't me who got bit. When that thought pops into my head I have to make sure I don't get physically ill - what kind of sick, twisted person is glad that their five year old brother is the one who has to endure a painful transformation every month as well as being treated no better than a leper.

I squash that voice before it takes root, not allowing for those kind of thoughts. If I couldn't take his Lycanthropy away, I was going to do everything in my power to make it as easy as possible for him. He is going to get his best friends, he will fall in love with Nymphadora Tonks, and he will have a lovely son. I am going to make damn sure of it because Remus John Lupin deserves at least that and then so much more.

 **A/N: Okay, so chapter two! Yay! Also a really long chapter! I love having these chapters planned out in an outline like I do right now, it makes everything so much easier to write and organize. I also know where I'm heading direction-wise instead of just winging it like normal - so it lets me slip in foreshadowing and other sweet stuff!**

 **Please write (type) any comments/questions/concerns/ideas and either leave them as a review or send it in a private message! I would appreciate that easy task more than you will ever know!**

 **Thanks always and see you next chapter,**

 **~Rache**

 **Voting for Pairings:** **Only requirement is that pairing be two males: Yaoi: Slash: BoyxBoy: Homosexual in nature, etc...**

 **Sirius Black x Zephyrus Lupin (OMC) =**

 **Regulus Black x Zephyrus Lupin (OMC) =**

 **James Potter x Zephyrus Lupin (OMC) =**

 **Original Character x Zephyrus Lupin (OMC) =**

 **Other (put your own name) x Zephyrus Lupin (OMC) =**


	3. Chapter 3: Concerning Curiosity

Chapter Three: Concerning Curiosity

"Remus.." I called softly, using the corner of my overly large hospital gown to tickle the inside of his earlobe. "Remus Lupin.."

"Wha-?!" Remus startled, bringing his hand up to smack his ear in the same spot I had been tickling him in. It made a loud sound and I went silent, quietly observing my twin, as he tried to figure out what was going on. Remus' hair was sticking up in the back, his eyes were half-open, the ear he had just slapped was turning a rather vibrant shade of red, and to top it all off, he was pouting because he had been woken up.

I proceeded to laugh so hard that I was actually snorting, something I only do when I find something especially hilarious, and right now that was my adorable brother. I know it wasn't a joke, and I would under no circumstances ever say this out loud to Remus or anyone else, but what pushed me over the edge wasn't the look on his face - it was the idea that this pouting, adorable little kid was supposed to be this highly dangerous dark creature. I mean, on the night of the full moon, don't get me wrong - I won't be standing around offering to have tea with the guy. I just don't understand how anyone can judge all werewolves and shun them during the day or on nights where the moon isn't completely round. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

"Oh, 'Phy! Come on!" Remus complained, shoving me good naturedly as I climbed onto the narrow hospital bed. I rolled my eyes, wiggling a lot until he finally scooted over a little bit to give me more room. The bed was definitely big enough for two five year olds - we just both liked to sprawl out when laying down to get comfortable.

"Hey Rem." I said, smiling at him and looking over the dark circles under his eyes. "They finally let me come visit."

"It's about time." Remus said, the corners of his mouth turning up. I've grown to like Remus' smile - it was one of those smiles that made you think of a secret. So, when he smiled at me like that, it made me feel like we shared a secret just between the two of us.

"I know!" I exclaimed with an exaggerated huff of air, throwing my hands up and letting them fall down dramatically. "Healer Abigail is great and all, but sometimes I need Remus time."

Remus looked at me with a sudden, vulnerable look displayed on his face. I could tell there was something he wanted to ask me but that he was hesitant to ask, most likely afraid of the answer he would get. He kept glancing at the bandage on my face that covered my scar.

"You can ask me anything, Rem." I assured him, giving him a small smile and patting him reassuringly on the arm.

"Are you sure you still want to be around me?" Remus mumbled so low I barely heard him. His eyes were downcast and he wouldn't look anywhere except down at his arm, which he was scratching in order to have something to do with his hands.

"Remus John Lupin!" I shouted, causing him to jump and look wildly from the door to where I was sitting next to him on the bed. I suppressed the smirk fighting its way to my mouth and instead looked at him with the most serious expression I could muster. "Of course I do. I will always want to be around you. You're my twin, you're a part of me; without you around, I'm not really a complete person. I don't care if you are a werewolf, a banshee, or a dementor - You had better still spend time with me!"

Remus looked at me with an almost blank expression on his face, allowing me time to study his face. He had lost a little bit of weight and he looked way more stressed than any five year old had a right to be. The next few moments were like watching a mask break into multiple pieces; Remus' blank expression fell apart and in its place was a terrified five year old in pain.

"No one said they didn't care." Remus said, his voice breaking a little as he sobbed into my shoulder and clung onto me for dear life. "Mum and Dad just keep saying they are going to fix me - but what if they can't? What if they can't fix me and they don't love me anymore?"

"Oh Rem." I said soothingly, wrapping my arms around his thin shoulders and rubbing circles into his back. "We're your family, of course we love you. Mum and Dad just don't want you to be in pain when you transform. They feel like it's their fault so they are trying to make it up to you."

"I just want them to be here." Remus sobbed, bowing his head as the tears fell even more.

"They will be, Rem. They will be." I promised, sucking in a breath to try and keep from crying myself. "Until then, I'm not going anywhere. You'll always have me, Rem. Always."

* * *

 **-Five Years Later-**

"Alright you two, welcome to our new home!" Dad said, gesturing to the house we had just walked into. There was a decently sized living room, a small kitchen, and a narrow staircase that led to the three bedrooms on the second floor.

"Do you want to go check out our rooms?" I asked Remus, elbowing him lightly in the ribs to get his attention.

"Sure." Remus said tiredly, smiling at me despite how weary he looked. The full moon was five nights ago and it was one of the more rough ones; Remus had bruises littered across his torso, a nasty gash on his lower leg, and had three lacerations on his face that would most likely scar.

"Well, wait a minute boys." Dad said, his tone upbeat but the expression on his face was more apologetic. It was the same face he wore every time he brought up Remus' Lycanthropy. Which was often. "Remus, do you want to check out the cellar really quick and see what you think?"

"Sure,Dad." Remus replied, as polite and cordial as ever. I knew that Remus didn't want to check out the cellar - he didn't want to smell the musty, underground smell that it reeked of. He didn't want to think about how in Twenty-five days he will be in that cellar ripping himself to pieces even though he hadn't healed all the way from the last transformation. Remus didn't want to think about how we had moved again, only staying three months at the last place, just because Remus and I made a friend our age.

Whenever people became suspicious about Remus' condition, we cut ties with them and moved to avoid having the truth come out. Personally, I thought it was a little small minded and detrimental to Remus' growth as a person; it made him feel as though it was something to be ashamed of. I believe it was partly because of the constant moving that Remus believed if anyone found out the truth, they wouldn't want to have anything to do with him.

Mum and Dad never gave anyone a chance to prove Remus, or themselves, wrong but I understood it was only because they were trying to shield Remus from the bad. The flaw was that it was still bad because of the constant moving and the secrecy, so he never had a chance to see if there were people good enough out there to accept him. Personally, I thought we should just let people assume what they want and deal with the consequences. I kept silent on that opinion because it wasn't my life and ultimately I knew it would work out once Remus met the other Marauders.

We were ten years old and we were both turning eleven in a month, on the tenth of March. Dad had taught us a lot of theory about magic already; We were told that we were going to be homeschooled because it was safer. I hadn't argued the point because I knew we would be going to Hogwarts, I just didn't know how. Remus and I both did what we always did when faced with moving again, we held our tongues and accepted it. We had learned to endure the bad and simply look forward to the good.

I was shocked out of my thoughts by Remus coming into my room with a grimace on his face, obviously having just come from his new 'changing room'.

"How is it?" I asked, a brief sympathetic smile tugging my lips upwards as I unpacked my suitcase.

"Another town, another cage." Remus sighed, rolling his eyes at the term cage.

Dad and Mum called it his 'changing room' because they didn't like the term cage. We had heard them one night talking about it after Remus had called it that, the house we had been living in had unusually thin walls. Mum had snapped at him, a very rare occurrence for her to get angry at either of us since we were generally well-behaved, and then she told us both to go to our rooms. It didn't stop us from hearing her crying.

Mum told Dad that she hated the idea that they had to keep their son caged, that it was awful and no one should have to cage their child. Dad had soothed her and that was the last it had been spoken about; Remus and I were careful never to say it around them since.

"You have me still." I told Remus, smiling wider this time in an effort to lift his spirits.

"I know." Remus said gratefully, grasping my shoulder familiarly before sitting on my bed.

I put away the rest of my clothes and collapsed on the bed next to Remus, sprawling out next to him with only our legs touching. At first it had been weird, being born in a different time and a different world. I had come to get used to it, had grown to love my family as much as I had loved my old one. It hurt sometimes still to think about my old life; Something would remind me of it. The worst part was that I couldn't remember their faces or their voices. I couldn't remember anything really except the feelings I had for them; I forgot more and more as the years went by. Every night for years I would think about every important detail from the books about Harry Potter that I could, committing them to memory and refusing to lose them.

I would have written the information down but if it was dangerous to know these things, having them written was practically a death sentence. No, in a world where you could barely trust your own mind because of magic, I wouldn't trust the safety of writing anything down.

"I think I'm going to cloud watch today." I said musingly, avoiding the thoughts because there wasn't anything more to be done until I learnt magic. "The clouds looked particularly fluffy today."

"I will never understand you." Remus said, shaking his head fondly. "How a genius could be so lazy and then enjoy watching clouds of all things as a form of entertainment is beyond me."

"Clouds are awesome." I said defensively in a childish tone, refraining from sticking my tongue out at my twin. I ignored the genius remark. It was something I had been getting a lot over the years.

It was hard to hide how mentally developed I really was, sometimes it just slipped my mind that I was an anomaly. It was only in moments that I would say something and Remus would give me a strange look that I realized I was even doing it. My parents had started calling me a genius but I didn't think so. I was a possibly reincarnated spirit that used logic and deductive reasoning in conjunction with the sum of my prior and current lives experiences and knowledge. Simple.

I snorted out loud at the idea of any of that being simple. One point I will concede is that my mind is and always has been efficiently organized, almost to the point that I had a photographic recall. Sadly, for reasons beyond me, that didn't include my past life's memories; At least, not of people or mundane experiences.

I pictured my mind like a filing cabinet; Sometimes something would be said to trigger a 'search' and then the information would just come to me. Whether it was from my past life or current one was sometimes unknown; I just knew it. In addition to my knowledge recall, I was also ace at compartmentalizing my feelings. It was something that had carried over from my past life, something my parents had instilled from a young age when they were teaching me to view something from all angles and in a clinical mindset. Emotions made things messy, logic made them clear is essentially what it boiled down to.

"Come on, you can bring a book, but I want to look at the clouds." I announced, tugging up Remus by grabbing on to his upper arm. He relented with a look that openly displayed how much he was humoring me, but I knew he appreciated the company regardless. We were always together, we had been since we had been released from the hospital and If I had anything to do about it we would continue to be. I loved my brother, he was the most caring and compassionate individual I had ever had the pleasure of knowing. Remus was thoughtful, gentle, and intelligent; When he was hurt, I could swear I felt it. I wasn't sure if it was because we were twins or if it was just how much I cared for him but I didn't second guess it.

* * *

It was a week before our eleventh birthday that it happened.

We were all in the living room doing various things when my father stood up suddenly, looking at his wife with thinly veiled fear in his eyes.

"Someone's here." Dad said, striding towards the door and waving his wand in front of it. "Take the kids into the kitchen, Hope."

"Come along, sweet ones." Mum said, herding both of us into the kitchen while Dad continued to place enchantments on the door. Only moments later Dad was with us and a tense silence descended on the kitchen.

Then someone knocked on the door and if possible things were even more tense. Mum was gripping Remus and I so hard on our shoulders that I think she may be about to dislocate them. Dad was standing with his wand out, gritting his teeth and looking as though he wanted to pace like he normally does when he is stressed.

The knocking stopped and we all held our breath, wondering if the unknown visitor had left. The entire thing may seem like an overreaction on our parts but we were hyper vigilant ever since the Greyback incident. Thoughts that he may come back to finish the job or bite me ran rampant through our Parents heads. Remus and I never complained, knowing how much it took to compensate for Remus' condition.

"Are they gone?" Mum asked quietly, easing the death grip a little on our shoulders. Dad shook his head in response but otherwise remained silent. It was a couple of minutes later that a voice called out to us; a voice that was obviously currently in the house with us.

"Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Lupin?" the voice called gently, already moving down the hall towards us. "My name is Albus Dumbledore."

Dad relaxed and nodded to Mum to signify that it was alright. Mum relaxed as well but was obviously still wary because she pushed both Remus and I behind her as Dad went to meet Dumbledore at the door.

"Professor, it is good to see you." Dad said, smiling and putting his wand away as Dumbledore came through the kitchen door.

"Ah, Lyall my boy. You look well." Dumbledore said, his rather magnificent beard moving a little as he returned the smile. "Please do call me Albus, I am no longer your professor after all."

"Ah, of course. Albus then." Dad said, shaking his hand. "Would you like some tea?"

"Tea would be lovely, thank you." Dumbledore replied "Dare I say we should journey to somewhere we could sit and talk while we enjoy it? These old bones aren't what they used to be, I'm afraid."

"Of course, Pro- Albus." Dad said, catching himself before calling his old headmaster professor instead of his given name. "Hope darling, would you mind bringing us tea while we settle into the living room?"

"Not at all." Mum said, having relaxed when she realised that the kindly old man was a teacher at Dad's old school. She quickly busied herself with making tea while Remus and I studied the unexpected visitor.

Albus Dumbledore was dressed in periwinkle robes that matched his hat perfectly. Just as the book described, he had half-moon spectacles perched on a slightly crooked nose and had long hair that went with his white beard. I assumed his eyes would be blue as well but I refused to meet his gaze, looking instead at a point on his forehead. I feared he would read my mind otherwise and it was that exact moment I decided I would learn Occlumency as soon as possible, although the thought had crossed my mind more than once as I planned throughout the years. We followed Dad and Dumbledore into the living room, all of us taking seats either on the couch or one of the chairs.

"These must be your children, Remus and Zephyrus, I believe?" Dumbledore asked, looking at both of us as he said our name before focusing back on our father.

"Ah, yes, these are our boys." Dad said, pointing to each of us as he clarified which one of us was which. "That is Remus and this is Zephyrus. Boys, this is Albus Dumbledore."

"Hello, Mr. Dumbledore. It's a pleasure to meet you." Remus greeted in a shy voice, ever the polite one. I just raised my hand lazily in a two fingered salute in lieu of an actual greeting.

"Zephyrus." Dad said warningly, a scowl on his face at my 'rudeness.' I was well-behaved and mature beyond my years according to my parents, making me snicker because of the unintended reference to my reincarnation, but I was lacking in manners.

I was plenty nice, I just didn't see the sense in wasting air or time saying things that could be left unsaid. Sighing slightly, ignoring the way Dumbledore chuckled amusedly, I gave a proper greeting. I also decided I should be the one to cut to the chase because obviously no one else was going to get around to it. "Nice to meet you. Thank you for coming to our home. How can we help you?"

"Zephyrus!" Dad scolded, leaning over Remus to gently slap me upside the head to reprimand me. "Mind your manners. Excuse him, Albus, Zephyrus is still working on proper etiquette."

"Ah, the impatience of youth." Dumbledore commented, still smiling as though he did not have a care in the world.

Only a moment later, Mum bustled into the room precariously holding a tray laden with five cups of tea, a bowl for sugar, another for milk, as well as some biscuits on a plate. I quickly stood to help my Mum, grabbing the tray from her and placing it on the table in the center of the room. I deftly scooped four spoonfuls of sugar and a dash of cream into one cup and grabbed another for myself. Remus had a sweet tooth which led to his unfortunate preferred cup of tea, if you could even call it that after what he did to it.

I sat back down with my own cup after handing Remus his own, taking a sip and enjoying the way the liquid warmed my throat as I watched the adults fix their own. I realized this was most likely when we, more specifically when Remus, was going to be invited to Hogwarts and I was ready to get it over with so we could go shopping. I was itching to buy a book and get my very own wand.

"Ah, this is lovely, Mrs. Lupin. Thank you." Dumbledore said politely, taking a sip of his own tea as well as a biscuit. After eating said biscuit and taking a few drinks of tea, Dumbledore carefully sat the cup down onto the table in front of him and seemed to gather his thoughts.

'Finally.' I thought, wondering if he was going to stay for dinner as well before bringing up Hogwarts. 'Impatience of youth? More like the insouciance of our elders.'

"Well, now that we are properly refreshed, I will broach the subject concerning my visit to your home today." Dumbledore said, either not caring or not noticing the way my Dad tensed slightly. "Now, the boys will be attending Hogwarts come September, I presume?"

"Uh, actually, Profes- Albus." Dad coughed, seemingly nervous as he fidgeted on the couch in a manner most unlike himself. I was amused by this uncharacteristic display of nervousness from our normally steadfast father, one would think he was a child caught doing something they should not have been. "Hope and I have discussed the matter, but decided to school the boys here at home instead."

"I see." Dumbledore said, pressing his fingertips together as he studied my father with an unreadable look. "May I ask why?"

"Well, you see.." Dad seemed to be floundering for a reason, obviously not having thought Dumbledore would press him for the reasoning behind his decision regarding his own children. An overlook I was thankful for, even if it was most likely due to the unexpected visit instead of the normal owl bearing an acceptance letter. "We want them to get both a muggle and magical learning experience. Not to mention Hope couldn't bear the thought of the boys being gone most of the year."

"Oh yes, I would be lost without them." Mum added, nodding along as soon as Dad came up with a surprisingly decent excuse. It was a good excuse considering he was thinking on his feet.

"So it has nothing to do with Remus' rather unfortunate condition?" Dumbledore asked nonchalantly. I was extraordinarily impressed with his nonchalance, it was like he told people he knew their darkest secrets on an everyday basis. Which, considering the man himself, may not be unlikely.

"Uh- I don't- I mean, I am not aware of the condition you mean, Professor." Dad said, his fists clenching out of anxiety. Observing him, I could probably tell he was lying even if I did not already know. He was shaking his head as he spoke, something liars did often that signified they had no confidence in what they were saying. He wouldn't make eye contact, he was swallowing nervously, and moving his feet as though he was uncomfortable.

"I'm talking about Lycanthropy, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin." Dumbledore said, sighing as he leaned forward in the chair he was occupying.

"That is an outrageous accusation, Albus." Mum said, noticing Dad wasn't going to say anything for a moment judging by his fish out of water expression. They had both paled when Dumbledore revealed he knew, but Mum was holding up alright. Dumbledore sat back calmly, seemingly waiting for something as he evaluated our parents. I grabbed Remus' hand when I noticed he was shaking, obviously scared that someone else knew his secret.

"How do you know?" Dad asked with a defeated tone of voice, all notions of denial obviously having been thrown out the window.

"Lyall!" Mum said sharply, looking at Dad with a look that was equally fearful and angry.

"He knows, Hope. It was probably foolish to think he wouldn't find out anyway." Dad said, smiling ruefully at Dumbledore and smoothed imaginary wrinkles on his robes before grabbing Mum's hand. "You always have known more than everyone else around you."

"I have found that the saying knowledge is power is not a baseless one. It is what you do with that knowledge that truly matters and defines one's character." Dumbledore said sagely, a benevolent smile on his face. "To answer your question, I have a friend who is, as a favour to myself, running in unpleasant circles these days. He overheard a few years ago a rather unpleasant claim by a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback which led me to your door."

"Of course he was.. Bragging about it." Dad said venomously, the hand not currently in Mum's clenching into a fist at the mention and thought of the werewolf who had attacked Remus. Dad took a few moments to calm down before returning to the matter at hand. "Since you know, you can see why Remus cannot attend Hogwarts. I asked Zephyrus if he wanted to attend and he said he wouldn't as long as Remus was not. That is why they are being homeschooled, no wizarding school will take them."

"Are you mental?" Remus burst out, drawing attention to us both after he ripped his hand from mine and yelled. Remus was staring at me with an incredulous expression on his face which mixed with guilt and anger. I winced at the sight, knowing he was going to tear me a new one. "You said you never talked to them about it."

When Remus had asked me, later in the night when we found out we were to be homeschooled, whether Dad had talked to me about going to Hogwarts I had told him it never came up. I lied to spare him a year of unneeded guilt at 'holding me back' or whatever unfortunate reaction he would have. I still think it was better to let him think it was our parents decision, one he wouldn't question especially after I reasoned that it was probably so we could study together, than for him to dwell on something that would be irrelevant eventually anyway. It was only logical.

"You were saying, Headmaster?" I asked imploringly, hoping to divert the attention away from me. Unfortunately, Remus wasn't going to be distracted, even by one of the greatest wizards of all time sitting in our living room. I was a lucky guy to have such a focused twin.

"Why did you lie to me?" Remus asked, raising his voice in a manner quite unlike him. I opened my mouth to retort but he cut me off before I could get a word in. "You know what? I don't care. I won't have you sacrificing anything else for me. You cannot force me to carry the fact that you didn't go to Hogwarts on my shoulders for the rest of our lives. Mr. Dumbledore, Zephyrus has changed his mind and would like to go to Hogwarts sir."

"That is not your decision to make!" I hissed out, squaring my shoulders. I normally am not one prone to emotional outbursts but Remus had a way of circumventing the 'emotional filter' that I had in place. This wasn't my most mature or rational moment in life, especially considering I knew Dumbledore was here to offer us both a place at Hogwarts. Love defies logic, as they say, something that frightened me far more than it should. "This is exactly why I lied to you! It is MY decision not to go to Hogwarts without you, not yours. You don't have to 'CARRY' anything! This is just you needlessly feeling guilty over something that YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER!"

"A decision you will regret and then resent me for!" Remus argued, a glint in his eyes showing he wouldn't be dropping the subject.

"Have I ever resented you for anything?" I thundered, standing up and practically foaming at the mouth. "I would rather sit in a room with you for the rest of our lives than have a hundred friends! You can't control my life, you can't decide anything for me, and you can't get rid of me! I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU BEHIND, so you better get it through that thick skull you're lugging around."

"If I might-" Dumbledore started to say only to be cut off by my twin, who drowned him out easily.

"YOU CAN'T JUST-" Remus stood up as well and we were now inches apart, though we were yelling loud enough that we could have heard one another quite clearly across a football field.

"Boys!" Dad yelled sharply, both of us closing our mouths fast enough to cause an audible click. "Enough, you can discuss this later."

We both grumbled as we sat down next to one another, just as close as we had been moments before our fight to the amusement of the adults in the room. When we were situated and somewhat calmly sitting down, Dumbledore picked up where he had left off.

"As I was going to say, I obviously have known about young Mr. Remus' condition for quite some time and have come up with a rather brilliant solution, if I do say so myself, that would allow both Mr. Zephyrus and himself to attend Hogwarts this coming year." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling as he took in the shocked faces surrounding him. His eyes stopped when they landed on me and it took me a moment to figure out why - I wasn't showing any surprise because I had already known. I hoped he wouldn't read too much into it because it was too late to fake it at this point.

"Are you sure?" Dad asked once he gathered his thoughts again, obviously not having thought it possible for Remus to attend his old school.

"Oh yes, I think with the right safety measures and a good story along with Remus' promise to be dedicated to his studies, it should all come together quite nicely." Dumbledore said thoughtfully, reclining in his seat with a humored look on his face.

"I will be the hardest working student at Hogwarts, sir. T-thank you so much, you won't regret it." Remus said, tears gathering in his eyes at the prospect of going to school; a dream that he thought would forever remain as such to him. Something unattainable becoming practically tangible with a few words from a great man.

"Can you explain what exactly these 'security' precautions are? Will someone be able to help him after his transformation? He is often in a lot of pain, bruised and cut up as he is." Mum said, doubt in her voice mingling with a small shred of hope seeing her son live a somewhat normal life.

Dumbledore spent the next hour detailing how Madam Pomfrey was going to be taking him to the Whomping Willow where he will go through a tunnel to a shack in Hogsmeade. The shack would be fortified sufficiently in order to contain Remus safely; When the full moon was over, Madam Pomfrey would come fetch Remus from the shack and then nurse him to health in the Hospital Wing until he was recovered enough to attend classes.

In the end, my parents decided to allow us to go to Hogwarts. It was after many expressions of gratitude later that Dumbledore left our house, bidding Remus and I farewell until he saw us in September.

After the door closed, Dad turned excitedly to Remus and I, beckoning us into the living room. It was a great night to be in the Lupin household; All night our Dad regaled Remus, Mum, and I with stories about mischief he had gotten up to in Hogwarts. In turn, my Mum told us about some of the jokes she used to play on people; harmless, silly ones that hurt no feelings but caused laughter nonetheless.

After dinner and hours of talking, our parents shooed us to bed. They promised we would go to Diagon Alley as soon as they could make the trip, so it was with wide smiles that Remus and I went to bed.

Remus was excited and grateful beyond belief to be able to have friends and attend school, I could tell. I was excited as well, knowing Hogwarts truly was amazing and not being able to wait to study magic and explore the secrets of the castle.

However, there was one thing overshadowing my elation at attending Hogwarts. It was a steely resolve that burned fiercely in my very soul. I had spent years planning, putting all of my knowledge of the future and my intellect to use. Remus was not going to lose the people most important to him, he was not going to die leaving his newborn son behind.

No, after all of my patience, the plan was going exactly how I wanted it too. Things were going to be different this time around and I had Tom Marvolo Riddle within my sights. I was going to destroy every last inch of him, if it was the last thing I do.

 **A/N: Okay, so we are learning a little more about Zephyrus at this point and about his dedication to Remus. Next chapter is Diagon Alley!**

 **Please Review to let me know what you think :)**

 **Shout out to Maya Poltergeist for my very first review, I put this chapter up early because of you ;)**

 **~Rache**

 **Pairing Voting:**

 **Sirius Blackx Zephyrus = 0**

 **Regulas Black x Zephyrus = 1 (Personally, I agree they would be fabulous together.)**

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	4. Chapter 4: Wands, Goblins, and Books

Chapter Four: Wands, Goblins, and Books.. Oh my!

"Boys! Are you ready?" Dad yelled up the stairs loud enough to startle a herd of deaf elephants.

"Be down in a second!" Remus called back down, sounding as if he was just outside my door.

I was right because not a moment later Remus opened my door, raising an eyebrow in a chastising way that no eleven year old had any business being able to do. The brat picked that up from our Mum, Rem always was a quick learner. Mum could guilt me into doing anything with that stupid eyebrow; His wasn't as refined but it conveyed the same message: 'I know you aren't a stupid person, I know you know better than this, please don't make me have to get upset.'

"Seriously, 'Phy?" Remus said, rolling his eyes as I grumbled and sat up from my supine position on the bed. I half-heartedly began putting my shoes on while attempting to smooth my rumbled hair down. It had gotten longer than I was used too, maybe I should have Mum cut it soon.

"I thought you were excited to go to Diagon Alley?" Remus asked, sitting down next to me and tying my shoelaces while I fought a losing battle with my hair.

"It will be there in a couple of hours." I said defensively, finally giving up and standing abruptly. I grabbed my jacket from the back of a chair in my room and walked out of the door, Remus right behind me and waiting for me to elaborate. "I am excited, I'm just tired from running so much last night and I really don't want to get fitted for robes."

"You'll daydream the entire time anyway!" Remus said, leaning against the doorway of the bathroom as I went inside and turned the water on at the sink.

"True." I admitted shamelessly, ducking my head into the sink when it was filled with water. Once my head was soaked I brought it out and grabbed the towel Remus was handing out to me, using it to dry my hair before continuing our conversation. "I just hate standing."

"You ran like two miles last night!" Remus exclaimed, shaking his head. "You'll survive standing for an hour. Besides, I'll be there to distract you."

"Hmm, good point. Love you Rem." I said cheerfully, clapping him on the back as we both headed down the stairs.

"Why have you been running so much anyway?" Remus asked from behind me, the stairs too narrow to be able to walk side by side. "And I saw you doing those weird things last night again too."

"Those are called crunches, Rem, it's a muggle form of exercise. I read about it in a book. I wanted to get in shape, a sound body makes for a sound mind, y'know?" I said, unconsciously moving to the side and stopping for a moment as Remus took his normal spot next to me.

We moved as a unit, my twin and I, so used to being around one another that I could guess what he was thinking a lot of the time. Doesn't mean he doesn't still surprise me sometimes. Remus was about to respond as we walked into the living room but was cut off by Mum.

"Zephyrus Lyall Lupin!" Mum scolded, looking at my wet hair and rumpled clothes with a critical eye. Ah, damn. There goes the eyebrow. "Were you sleeping? Again? It is almost noon! Never have I met someone so lazy, I swear-"

"Yes, yes Hope. There's no time." Dad said pleadingly to his wife, moving just out of her sight enough to send me a wink. Mum gave me one last scowl before turning to face Dad. I sent a grateful look his way, grinning crookedly, but wiped it off my face just as Mum turned back around to face Remus and I again.

"Where are you going?" Mum asked

"Mum, we kno-" I complained

"Where?" Mum interrupted sharply, making me close my mouth with an audible click. I really need to learn when to pick my battles.

"Leaky Cauldron, Diagon Alley." Remus replied promptly, enunciating each syllable in a perfectly clear voice. "We've got this Mum, we're right behind you."

"Alright. Be safe you two, see you in a moment then." Mum bit her lip, still worrying a little, but Dad grabbed her arm and they left with a small pop that signified apparition. We would be using the Floo.

"Ready then?" Remus asked, turning to the fire and throwing in the green dust.

"Always." I replied, grinning as I stepped into the fire. "Leaky Cauldron, Diagon Alley!"

I watched as Remus disappeared from my view, everything spinning in an unpleasant sort of way. I held my breath, not wanting to inhale any soot or something worse, waiting until the spinning stopped to step from the fire once again.

I moved to the side as Remus came through, our Parents already heading towards us. Dad got his wand out and cast a cleaning spell on us both to get rid of the telltale signs of Floo travel.

The first place we visited was Gringotts, which fascinated me to no end. The building was amazing although the goblins running the place were a little intimidating. Rem stayed closed to me throughout the trip so I assumed he felt the same way I did about the small, unpleasant race of people. They just gave off an unwelcoming vibe.

Unfortunately, next was Madam Malkin's in order to get our robes. The process was as dreary as I feared it was going to be although it was over much quicker thanks to magic than it would have been without it. Mum was fascinated that the measuring tape moved on its own while a floating quill recorded the measurements; Mum was a muggle, so even after being married to Dad for as long as she has, magic was still amazingly convenient and a little awe inspiring to her.

After we finished, we decided to split up to cover more ground since we got a late start. So, after everyone pointedly looked at me when the late start was mentioned and after I coughed, rubbing the back of my sheepishly, Dad took Remus to get potion ingredients while Mum and I went to get quills, parchment, and envelopes to take with us to school.

"Hey Mum?" I said, the lilt at the end of the sentence turning the statement into a questions.

"Yes, love?" Mum asked, threading her arm loosely through my own as we walked down the street towards the shop.

"Do you ever feel sad that you can't do magic?" I asked, hoping I wasn't treading on thin ice. I had always wondered about my Mum, who remained ever optimistic and loving in the face of all of our troubles. It was inspirational.

"Hm, not really. Sometimes when I'm doing the dishes maybe." Mum replied, shrugging a little. She must have noticed that I wasn't completely satisfied with her answer because she stopped walking, pulling me to the side of the street where we had a relative amount of privacy. "Why do you ask?"

"I just wonder if it's hard for you; being around Dad, Rem, and I when we can do magic. It doesn't bother you?" I asked, the thought spilling out of my mouth before I had time to think about it.

"Oh, Zephyrus." Mum said, her laughter spilling out and filling the air of Diagon Alley for a moment. I loved her laugh, it reminded me of hearing a clear bubbling brook in the middle of the woods. Her amber brown eyes, so similar to Remus' own, gentled as she looked at me with love clearly expressed on her face.

"It's easy to forget how young you are sometimes, you've always acted like a little adult. I think your father and I sometimes forget you are just a child and expect too much from me." Mum admitted, her lips turning downward for a moment at the thought. I was about to interrupt, to tell her that they never expected too much from me, but she continued talking before I had the chance. "I love your father and I love both you and Remus. I know who I am and where I belong in this world, it's with my family."

"I know, Mum, but-" I started, quieting as Mum shook her head softly and held up a hand to ask for me to stop and let her finish.

"Magic is amazing, don't get me wrong, it is truly amazing and it has been responsible for some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen." Mum said, her eyes glazing a little and lips twitching as she thought about some memory. Only a moment later, her expression darkened, though not with hate or revulsion, just with the expression of someone who had seen some of the worst the world had to offer but kept looking for the best in it anyway. "Magic is also responsible for some of the worst things I have ever seen. It is terrifying, powerful, and capable of horrendous, unspeakable things. There is one thing I want to tell you and have you promise me it is a lesson you will never forget."

"Anything, Mum." I responded, my eyes wide as I looked at my earnest Mum with her shining amber eyes. I noticed something I hadn't noticed before, whether it was because I wasn't paying attention or because it had snuck up on me, but my Mum looked older than I thought. There were stress lines on her face that hadn't been there a few years ago, a haggard yet determined air about her. She was still easily a beautiful woman but she also looked like someone who had been struggling for a while, hiding her exhaustion behind smiles and laughing to ease some of the tension in her shoulders.

"People will tell you there are bad people and good people, Zephyrus. They will say one person doesn't deserve something for a reason and then they attempt to justify their reasoning. The world isn't black and white, love, and I know how smart you are; you probably already know that."

"What I want you to remember is that those who discriminate, even when it is done in the most despicable way, aren't always beyond redemption. They deserve pity, compassion, and empathy as much as those who are being discriminated against. You never know someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes; it is only when you cry with someone, laugh with them, eat with them, grieve, teach, learn, and love with them that you can truly know who they are." Mum finished, rubbing my arm gently as I silently took in her words.

She once again threaded her arm through my own, pulling me along down the street and guiding me while I was lost in my thoughts, committing her words to memory and thinking on them carefully.

I was not the most compassionate person in the world, my family was as aware as that as I was. Remus was full of compassion, it was one of the traits that endeared him to me, because he was always going out of his way to help others. I wasn't like that most of the time; Sure, I would help someone struggling by holding a door or help someone pick up their books if they dropped them. I wouldn't give the metaphorical shirt off of my back to a stranger if they needed it like Remus would though.

My mind latched onto the scenario instantly, not noticing the way my Mum was watching me being consumed by my thoughts with a fond expression as we turned a corner then continued towards the proper shop.

If a stranger needed the shirt off of my back, my first reaction would be to take a step back and analyze the situation. It's how I worked. Why did they need the shirt? What happened to cause them to lose their own shirt or means of getting a shirt? Would giving them this shirt affect me or anyone I know in a negative or positive way? Questions were always first, then came anwsers.

After gathering whatever information I could, I would then create a mental pro's and con's list. What were the positive reasons for giving the man the shirt, what were the negative. Whichever one made the most sense and had the most points would result in my decision.

The last 'phase' of my thinking was my conscious. Even though it sounded mildly heartless, it was the way that I was raised before and your entire way of thinking doesn't just change; especially when I saw no reason for it TO change. If the decision would not be defying my morals or otherwise negatively impact my mental or emotional faculties, than logic would rule out.

Granted, it would have to be a serious situation that caused me to go against logic and reasoning. For instance, if I was required to kill myself or another person, an innocent person that I knew nothing about, logically I would kill them in order to make sure my plans come to fruition and I save my loved ones. I couldn't, however, in good conscious kill that person because they could have a family of their own and I would never be able to forgive myself. Thus, I would most likely decide to kill myself in order to preserve my morals. Well, I'd like to think that I would anyway but who knows until they are put into the situation. Only if there was no other way out of the situation, which is highly unlikely because there is always another way; you just have to be creative enough to either find one or make one up yourself as you go along.

"I think I understand." I said out loud quietly, snapping out of my thoughts and refocusing on the world around me. I noticed absently that we were actually standing outside the shop, Mum casually observing the members of the magical community walking by with a smile on her face. I grimaced a little, mentally berating myself for once again getting completely lost in my thoughts and tuning the rest of the world out. It was a bad habit I had that was dangerous as well.

"Oh?" Mum asked, both of her eyebrows raising just a little to express her desire for me to share my thoughts.

"You're right, it is only rational to withhold judgement until you have all of the facts." I said, smiling a little at what seemed like a good realization for me. This was one of the reasons I loved my family, they were a smart bunch and challenged my viewpoints without aggression, then gave me the space to come to my own conclusions.

"I see." Mum said, her face falling just a little bit which made my lips instinctively turn down at the corners. Why was she not pleased? I thought about what I had said and decided that I hadn't clearly expressed myself, so spoke up again before she turned to head into the store.

"I mean, without using all of the available tools at your disposal to gather all of the information you can, it would be negligent to make a decision because it would be uninformed." I said, talking a little faster as I tried to tell my Mum what I had learnt from her. "Humans, well sentient beings in general I guess, are complicated and have many layers. We are both gifted and cursed because we feel emotions in a more complicated way than most others. Most of the time, people do not do things without having a reason. Its why the term the ends justify the means is so famous; people excuse doing bad things because they want a better outcome."

"So, because we are so complicated, it is only when you 'walk a mile in another person's shoes' that you can actually form an opinion, even though as with all opinions it would be one full of bias." I said all of this quickly, gesturing a little with my hands as I spoke. It was an interesting topic of conversation and easily one of the most stimulating conversations I have had in awhile, so I was making the most of it. "When I say 'use all of the tools at your disposal', I don't just mean getting facts about people. Empathy, compassion, pity; these are tools just as much as logic and fact gathering are. They just gather different information! It's only when you combine all of the information that a decision can truly be 'informed', y'know?"

The look of pride on my Mum's face really said it all. I beamed at her, happy to have invoked that look to appear on her face, and she quickly had her arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace.

"You are going to be a great man one day, Zephyrus." Mum said, ruffling my hair and laughing as my expression soured. The 'hair ruffling' was an annoying gesture, even more so because I secretly enjoyed the warm feeling it produced in my stomach when they did it because of the fond look my parents gave afterwards.

"Thanks, Mum." I replied, wiping the sour look of my face and giving her a smile as I fixed my hair to lay flat. "Ready to get the supplies and meet Dad and Remus? It's almost time to get our wands!"

"The part you've been looking forward to the most, I know!" Mum said, her eyes still shining a little with unshed tears as she smiled at me. The tears she held back, mostly because we were in public after all, were tears born out of pride and happiness. Those tears didn't bother me at all. "Now, before we finish up, to answer your question. No, I know how much magic means to you boys and Lyall, but I would not want to burden myself with it. I have no desire to wield it because I am extremely satisfied with my lot in life; the only magic I need is called family and love. It's more powerful than anything else in this world, not even death can stop its power."

I nodded along, thinking that my Dad had honestly gotten extremely lucky when stumbled on a woman in the woods and he decided to save my Mum from a Boggart that day. She was a rare kind of person.

"Although, I don't mind that your father can make the dishes wash themselves. It's definitely a perk to marrying a wizard." Mum said, giggling a little. She had told me once that some of her old friends would die from shock if they knew her husband did the dishes, let alone that he used magic to do so. "When you boys get old enough to use it out of school, you better swing by often enough to help your old Mum out with silly things like that."

"Of course, Mum. I wouldn't have it any other way." I said, shaking my head a little fondly at the way she could go from having a heart to heart to acting like a schoolgirl who had just fallen in love was beyond me. We finally stepped into the shop to buy the supplies we had come for, guiltily looking at the clock and hurrying so we didn't cause Dad and Rem to wait too long.

I wasn't lying when I said that I wouldn't have it any other way. The memories had all but faded now, only the ones I had drilled in my head revolving information about the Harry Potter books remained but those were hard facts anyway not memories. Despite not being capable of remembering, I don't think the family I had been a part of was quite as tight knit as we, the Lupin family, are.

Yeah, I wouldn't change a thing.

* * *

"There it is!" I crowed, tugging on Remus' hand impatiently as soon as I saw Ollivander's wand shop ahead of us. The sign was ancient looking, only slightly faded but not enough to be illegible by any means.

"I see it, I see it." Remus said, the exasperation written as clearly on his face as it was imbued in his tone of voice. "You know, if you hadn't taken so long picking out quills, we would be here already. We might already have our wands, actually."

"Extenuating circumstances." I replied absently, carelessly gesturing my hand in a wave as if I was pushing the statement aside. Remus knew I meant nothing by it of course, I could get quite focused. Who wouldn't be excited about their wand?

Remus was as well, though he was just as nervous as he was excited; I could feel the trembling in his hand, I knew him well enough that I could also hear the slight trepidation in his voice the closer we came to Ollivanders. He had a nightmare last night and it had really gotten to him in a bad way. I can't explain why I had woken up or why I had the sudden urge to see Remus, it was just something that happened. Maybe it was because we were not only twins but both magical as well? It was something that deserved more research before I could form a hypothesis.

When I had entered into his room, Remus was shaking underneath his blanket. It was the middle of June so I knew it wasn't from the cold. Without hesitation, I climbed into his bed, just like I had all those years ago in the hospital and many a time since.

I held him, letting the trembles wracking his body into my own and providing something solid, warm, and alive to hold onto. I was his rock in the middle of the ocean, anytime he needed one, just as he was mine. It was after thirty minutes, when I decided that he had calmed down enough, that I got out of bed and padded silently out of his room. I had felt his eyes, burning with curiosity no doubt, staring holes into my back as I left.

Honestly, I had only ever seen him this upset one time after the hospital, so I figured it was a special occasion. Opening the bottom drawer of my chipped secondhand dresser, I pulled out a small white box and returned to Remus' room. When I climbed back into his bed, I opened the box and pulled out two bars of chocolate for us to eat.

It was something Mum did after every full moon. She gave Remus a piece of chocolate, a treat that was insanely rare for her when she was a child and something she associated with love and familial affection because she only got one bar on her birthday each year. Dad had a stable job with the ministry, not his prior position because he refused to participate on any committee's since the attack, but he was an adviser who got paid well enough. We weren't rich, and it wasn't cheap moving all of the time, but we made do.

As we munched on the chocolate, I stayed silent and gazed out the window Remus's bed was facing. This last place was a little more out of the way than we usually went, but Mum loved the house and all the nature outside that the city lacked. Our nearest neighbor was about a mile away and I think this is the house that our parents were going to stay in for our years at Hogwarts; without Remus changing here all of the time, it's unlikely anyone will be suspicious.

Remus was the first one to break the silence, as he always was. He told me he had a dream that Ollivander had told him the wand chooses the wizard, but what wand would want a monster as a master? The man then refused to serve Remus, casting him out into the street filled with people who were all staring at him with thinly veiled disgust.

Rem told me that in the dream, he ran down the street to avoid prying eyes but people were lining the streets to watch him run past. Calling out to him that he was a monster, unlovable, a killer, a dangerous beast to be put down. No better than a rabid dog.

It broke my heart, as it always did, to hear Remus say these things because I knew that it was what he thought about himself even though I disagreed. I was family, he would scoff, of course I wouldn't think it or voice it even if it was true. So, I did what I always did, and I held him even tighter. I told him that he knew it was us against the world, that no matter what we would get a wand for him and he would live the life he wanted to live. We were Lupins, enduring when others would or could not endure is what we do.

"Alright there, Rem?" I asked, snapping back to the present when I felt Remus' slightly sweating hand slip out of my own.

"Of course!" Remus replied with fake bravado oozing off of him, which was his attempt at covering his nerves.

"Alright then, let's go." I said, pulling the door open and casting my eyes about in open fascination as I took in the dusty shop. It smelled like furniture polish, dust, and everything had an almost timeless feeling. It was the strangest sensation I had ever come across, I wonder if it was from wandmaking itself, which was allegedly a complicated art, or a feeling in all wand shops.

There was no one at the front counter, where Remus and I waited patiently, turning to face our parents when they stepped into the shop. I don't think my Mum quite knew how to feel about being inside the store because she was sticking close to my father's side, something she did when she was feeling out of her element, and though her eyes were wandering they constantly settled on Remus, Dad, and I in a never ending cycle. Almost as though she was reassuring herself that we were here, safe, and nothing had changed.

"No one's here. Should we come back later, Dad?" Remus asked, looking as though he was about to bolt any minute. Dad raised his eyebrows incredulously, suppressing a smile.

"Well, Well. What have we here? Hogwarts students?" an airy voice said quietly, though the sound carried clearly in the otherwise silent shop. The voice had a strange lilt to it that made it seem as though it's owner was steeped in knowledge; it gave off a mystical feeling that I found hard to describe. Peculiar seemed a decent word to choose.

The word peculiar, meaning strange or odd as well as unusual when used as an adjective, was certainly a word that fit Mr. Ollivander perfectly. His eyes were a pale silver and seemed luminous in his rather dimly lit shop. His eyes were the most dominant feature on his face, despite the wizened skin or white hair hanging loose to his shoulders. Those eyes had an eerie quality about them, almost as though they were projecting that they knew all of the secrets of the world. It gave me goosebumps.

At his sudden appearance, both Remus and I almost jumped out of our skins. Mr. Ollivander paid it no mind, simply finishing his evaluation of us both before looking towards Dad, a flash of recognition crossing his face.

"Ah, Lyall Lupin. 12 inches, Ebony, unicorn hair unyielding flexibility." Ollivander said, smiling softly.

"Your memory serves you well, Mr. Ollivander." Dad replied, nodding to confirm Ollivander's statement and fingering his wand which was currently stashed inside of his robes.

"I remember every wand I've ever sold." Ollivander stated, no hint of arrogance in his tone when he spoke. "You first then."

Remus jumped a little when Ollivander pointed to him, swallowing nervously before stepping forward to the counter. Ollivander retreated to the back of his store before appearing again with a box in hand, laying in on the counter in front of Remus and gesturing for him to pick it up. Apprehensively, Remus picked up the wand from the box and held it aloft, looking from it to Ollivander.

"Give it a wave!" Ollivander said cheerfully, gesturing again with his hand. Remus did so and I cringed as a vase on the counter shattered. Ollivander frowned, looking at the wand and ignoring Remus' petrified face, before snatching the wand back and putting it aside after placing it back into the box.

Remus tried four more wands before finally finding one that shot out red sparks when he waved it. The look of excitement, happiness, and pride on his face was a memory I will cherish for a long time. It was a Ten and one quarter inch cypress wand with a unicorn hair core that was, according to Mr. Ollivander, quite pliable.

I gave a congratulatory clap on the back to Remus before coming up to the counter eagerly. Ollivander's pale eyes bore into my own jade eyes for a moment, seemingly searching for something, before retreating to the back. He set a wand down in front of me and gestured for me to try it. I had barely had it in my fingers, not even waving it around, before it was snatched back by the eccentric wandmaker.

"No, no. Definitely not." Ollivander muttered, once again reaching for one of the many boxes on the dusty shelves.

The process was repeated for quite awhile, almost twenty minutes going by, and I was getting restless. What if I didn't have a wand because I wasn't supposed to be in this world? I dismissed the thought almost instantly because I knew I had magic, which rendered the argument invalid, I just needed to relax and be patient. Obviously, some of Remus' nerves had rubbed off on me.

My Dad seemed unbothered by the wait, casually watching on in interest, but both my Mum and Remus seemed discomforted by the amount of time. I could see the worry on their faces as clear as day even though they were trying to hide it. In contrast, Mr. Ollivander seemed only to get more excited about how long it was taking, muttering about how much he enjoys difficult customers.

"Here we go! 10 inches, pine, dragon heartstring core." Mr. Ollivander said, laying down the box and looking at me eagerly.

I picked up the wand and felt warmth flood my arm and then the rest of my body. My magic hummed and the wand seemed to hum back in response, almost as though it was begging to be used. I waved it and smiled in satisfaction when red and blue sparks came out of the tip.

"Ah! Knew I'd get it eventually. Pine is an excellent wood; only for those who are independent individuals." Mr. Ollivander said, clapping a little with a happy expression on his face. "Very adaptable to new magic and perfect for non-verbal spell casting, I'm sure you will do great things with that wand."

"Thank you, Mr. Ollivander." I murmured, staring at the wand in my hand with reverence. The wood was a fine grain, the handle a darker color than the rest of the wand which was a very light brown. It had a wonderful thin spiral design going up to the tip on the lighter portion that was the same dark brown as the handle. I was enamored instantly.

Dad paid Mr. Ollivander for both of our wands and we all left the shop, Remus and I excitedly comparing our wands. The last thing we did for the day was stop by the bookstore to get the necessary books for our first year. In addition to what was required, Dad let us pick out two books each that we could read for pleasure.

Remus chose _Hogwarts, A History_ as well as one that was about Non-Human Spiritous Apparitions. The second book was on a subject that I know Rem had been interested in for quite awhile; it was what our Dad specialized in after all. Creatures like Boggarts, Dementors, and Poltergeists.

Personally, the first book that I chose was called _Occlumency: Mind Arts for Beginners_. I had not forgotten my decision to learn how to protect my mind, especially from Dumbledore and Voldemort; it could be fatal if either of them were able to see into my mind. I think why Voldemort gaining this information would be detrimental, or, y'know, apocalyptic, is rather self explanatory.

Dumbledore not so much because I feared he would use the information with bad intentions, with him it was because I honestly thought he might do nothing at all except prevent me from doing anything to change the future.

In the end, the 'Light' side does win after all and Voldemort is destroyed. I think fear of a bad outcome would provoke him into staying my hand, bordering on the side of caution as those who are older tend to do, instead of using the information to his advantage and saving lives. "Sacrifices must be made" after all. No, my plan hinged on the idea that I would be the only one with knowledge about upcoming events. I was going to be the puppet master in this story.

The second book that I got was one that garnered a strange look from both Dad and Remus. _Guide to Gobbledegook: Goblin Language, Customs, and Mannerisms_. Another book that fit neatly into my plan, though it wouldn't be useful for seven or eight years, I like to be prepared - which means gathering as much knowledge as possible to rely on.

'Yes, I think things were coming along quite nicely' I thought, smiling with a bit of a skip in my step as I hummed thoughtfully to myself. I had one hand on my new wand and the other holding a bag with the books Dad had bought for me, happy that the time for passivity was almost over. Soon, it would be time for events to begin unfolding, much like one of the plays Mum used to take Remus and I to at a local theater. The actors had their lines, though they didn't quite know it, and I had the metaphorical playscript open in my lap with a quill poised to make a few crucial changes. The culmination, the moment when my plan finally came together, will be a beautiful, beautiful finale. Now I just have to make sure everyone lives to be able to see the results of my efforts.

One misstep or miscalculation could result in the plan derailing or exposure. It would be remiss of me not to have backup plans in place just in case some of the… riskier parts didn't go as well as hoped but with luck it would be mostly smooth sailing. I was an unknown factor considering I obviously had no idea how my presence would change things, which was why I needed to lay low for the most part.

The first crucial step was honestly most likely one of the more risky aspects, with no backup plan or idea of how it will effect the events. I mean, I've weighed the pro's and con's - logically, I believe it should circumvent some of the more negative parts and, hopefully, ensure the safety of at least two lives.

The butterfly effect states that one butterfly beating its wings could cause a hurricane on the other side of the world. I'm not quite sure if I believe that, honestly considering it a rather exorbitant hyperbole, but I was doing a lot more than beating some tiny wings. I was messing with fate, lives, and magic; all while hoping I'm good enough to stay one step ahead and not overestimating my abilities in the process.

If everything worked out as I hoped, then the world WOULD be a better place, I think. Remus would be alive, James and Lily Potter, Sirius Black. Dumbledore would survive, which considering how much he has contributed to the world could probably be revolutionary. Nicolas Flamel wouldn't destroy the Philosopher's Stone, meaning both he and his wife would live. Fred Weasley, Nymphadora Tonks, Alastor Moody, Severus Snape. The number of lives this could save - it was a huge undertaking, a calculated risk.

I also wouldn't mind if I, myself, survived as well.

Only time will tell, I suppose.

 **A/N: Wow, this ended up a lot longer than I originally intended. Seriously, they were supposed to be in and out of Diagon Alley. The Hogwarts Express was also supposed to be included in this chapter but I decided to end it and do the Express in my next chapter, where you see the first major change in the plot because of something Zephyrus does. Hope you enjoy ;)**

 **Replying to Reviews: Thank you so much for your support!**

 **Maya Poltergeist: Reviewing, especially lengthy ones where you tell me what you like or don't like, what you think about the character, and the sort of things you would like to see will ALWAYS make me review faster. I originally planned to update once a week, posting a chapter a week because I had this idea last weekend and have written over 30k+ words on it in just the last week, but seeing someone interested makes me impatient to see how you like the next chapter - which makes me post the next chapter! It also helps a tremendous amount by giving me another viewpoint and getting me excited about writing. As far as Regulus goes, I do think they would make a great match personally. Regardless of whether or not they end up dating or falling in love, I assure you Mr. Regulus Black is a very important piece of Zephyrus' plan and will be a reoccuring character in the story, more and more the older they both become. Thank you for the review!**

 **Sakura Lisel: I think Zephyrus isn't worried so much about Remus' childhood as much as he is remembering the broken and eventually dead man that he ends up as when he read the series. This is his brother, his twin, that we are talking about - he knows the hard life Remus will live after school. He will be impoverished, heart broken by the death's of his friends, and become a shell of the person he once was. I do agree that Remus won't be as afraid as he might have been in Canon, but I also think a lot of his insecurities will still be there, which I address in this chapter briefly. Remus views himself as a monster and thinks that only his family could ever accept him for who he is now - Zephyrus is his age, yes, but still family. I don't think it helps at all that Hope and Lyall moved Remus around, both in Canon and in my story, and avoided allowing him to interact with anyone outside the immediate family. I think it only re-enforced the idea that no one could accept him - even his parents think so adamantly enough to spend a lot of money moving around. Basically, I am going to write Remus as being a lot less shy but still insecure about aspects of himself and interactions with others. I also think, because he has only really interacted with three people for years and years, he would be naive in certain social situations. I hope you enjoy the story as it progresses and continue to review in order to allow me to see how you view things!**

 **~Rache**

 **P.S. I wouldn't mind getting a few reviews with anybody's thoughts, comments, feelings, concerns - hell, I wouldn't mind seeing a flame to be honest. It tells me you read it and I did my job!**

 **(As a writer, I feel that my job is to invoke a strong emotional response in readers - whether it be negative or positive - while just using the English language as my method of communication. The beauty that is the written word! )**

 **Pairing Poll: In the lead is Mr. Regulus Black!**

 **Sirius Black x Zephyrus = 0**

 **Regulus Black x Zephyrus = 1**

 **James Potter x Zephyrus = 0**

 **Original Character x Zephyrus = 0**

 **Other x Zephyrus = 0**

 **Keep voting! Obviously romance won't even be a thing until Fourth year at the earliest, but I think the main pairing for the story might even begin a couple of years after that if things keep to schedule. Sometimes a story has a mind of it's own, so who really knows, but I want to hear who you all think would be good!**


	5. Chapter 5: The Great Train Ride

Chapter Five: The Great Train Ride

"Platform Nine and Three Quarters?" Mum asked out loud, turning to Dad with a confused look on her face. Dad laughed, enjoying the mystified expression on his wife's face, but quickly stopped when he saw the look she sent him. It very clearly said 'Explain this. Now.'

"Magic, dear. You run at the wall between the signs for Platform Nine and Platform Ten. It's a barrier, on the other side is where the Hogwart's Express is stationed to load up the students and take them to Hogwarts." Dad explained, smiling wistfully as he explained.

I imagine he was reminiscing on all of the times he was going through the barrier to go to Hogwarts. I could see a fondness in his face as he talked about the train and the trolley woman who brought her cart full of sweets to each compartment. It was clear Dad was excited for us to be attending his Alma Mater and was also experience some nostalgia in the process.

We came to the barrier just as two people went through it, disappearing into it with the Muggles in the area none the wiser. If you weren't paying attention, it was easy to miss, as if they just disappeared into thin air. I imagine there was most likely Notice-Me-Not charms placed on it as well.

I had seen Dad cast the same charm on his case of beer in the garage, something Mum deeply disapproved of because she grew up with an alcoholic father. Your eyes just kind of slipped right past it, it was very interesting; no matter how much I had focused, my eyes just couldn't look directly at the beer.

I could not wait to have the Hogwarts Library as a resource. There were so many questions about magic that I have and so many more sure to come, it was how I felt Hercules would have when fighting the Hydra. One 'head' cut off, or question answered, only for two more to take it's place.

"Ready for our big adventure?" I asked Remus quietly as I came to a stop next to him, watching as our parents talked about whether or not we should be given money before the train ride or after so we couldn't spend it all on sweets.

"Yes, I think I am." Remus replied, smiling at me as the excitement filled us both. We were going to Hogwarts!

"It's going to be brilliant." I said, sighing a little as I waited for our parents to stop the current discussion. Better they do it here in front of the Muggles instead of our peers though.

"I know." Remus replied, his amber eyes bright. The full moon was three days ago, which gave Remus a few weeks to get settled and into the swing of things before his next transformation. Thankfully, this last change wasn't too terrible; he had only a few minor cuts, none of which were visible while he was wearing his uniform. I was glad, it gave him confidence not to look too beat up before starting school.

My mind turned to the future, as it often does, and I desperately wanted to become an Animagus in order to help Remus during the Full Moons. The problem was I needed to know how good at Transfiguration, and the theory behind it, before I thought about attempting it.

In the original timeline, the other Marauders found out about Remus in the second year. I thought about speeding that process up a bit but eventually decided against it for a few reasons.

First, it would mean they may attempt the Transfiguration early and miss a moment that was vital to their success. I didn't know anything about the process yet, so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I know it took from second year until fifth year for them to successfully complete the Animagus transformation.

Second, I wasn't sure if they would accept Remus if it was brought on them sooner. The reason they found out was because they began to become concerned with Remus' monthly absences and his beat up, sickly appearances when he returned. If I rushed things along, they may not become close enough to fully accept him - which would be a complete and total disaster. No, better to let them figure things out in their own time.

Finally, I wasn't sure what house I would be sorted into. I plan on fighting tooth and nail to get into Gryffindor because while it was not completely vital to the plan's success, it would have been stupid not to have thought I may be sorted elsewhere, but it would still help a considerable amount to be close to the other Marauders. Hell, to be a Marauder if things work out the way I want.

"Promise me something, kay?" I said suddenly, looking at Remus intensely. He nodded, a serious expression on his face when he noticed my look. "We could be sorted into different houses, y'know? So, promise me that no matter what, we are always twins. A package deal."

Remus gaped at me for a moment, which honestly made me feel a tad bit insecure and a little melodramatic, but he quickly sputtered out a response that soothed those feelings. "O-of course! No way where we sleep in Hogwarts would come between us. You're my twin, my brother. I'll always love you."

"Good!" I exclaimed, a bright grin twisting my lips as I let the dramatic moment between us pass and once again felt the excitement of going to Hogwarts. "Let's get to that train, then, shall we?"

"After you." Remus said amusedly, gesturing forward with a grandiose gesture that made me laugh. Always a gentlemen, my Rem was.

Mum and Dad had stopped arguing, Mum watching with her forehead wrinkled with concern while Dad just watched on proudly as I prepared to run at the barrier. I gripped the cart and took off, hearing Remus start right after I was halfway to the barrier. I closed my eyes right before I went through, something I will make sure not to do again just to see what happens.

It was like going through air. One second you are on the Muggle side, the next second you are taking in the sight of a giant, scarlett train with the words Hogwarts Express in gold lettering on it. Families were all around the platform, talking animatedly and giving goodbyes as children loaded trunks onto the train in order to find a compartment.

"Amazing, isn't it boys?" Dad said, watching our awed faces with a gentle smile.

"Amazing." We both said at the same time, agreeing with Dad wholeheartedly. All over the place there were children lugging trunks towards the train. The sound of various Owls screeching and hooting filled the air to bled with the clamor of the crowd. Some were already in school robes, but most everyone was in street clothes still, planning on changing on the train like Rem and I were.

"Alright, let's hop to it then." Dad said, grinning at us and helping us load our trunks aboard. We found an empty compartment after searching for a while, stored our trunks up top, then stepped off the train once again to say good-bye.

It was the first time we were going to be away from our parents for any amount of time. Because of Remus' condition, we never went to sleep overs or really had any friends. All of our time was spent together or with Mum and Dad. I wondered how Mum would do without us there, having to spend half of her day in an empty house for the first time in years because Dad will be at work and us at school. I knew she was strong, optimistic, and creative; she would use her extra time well and do something fantastic, I'm sure, so I brushed the worry off.

"I love you both so much. Do well in classes, concentrate on your studies, mind your teachers, and don't get into trouble." Mum said, pulling both of us forward in a surprising show of strength and kissing us once each on the top of our head.

"At least, not too much trouble. Especially not your first year; that's for third and fourth year, so you aren't bottom feeders, but you don't have your O.W.L or N.E.W.T.'s to study for." Dad said, a huge grin on his face as he tugged us into a hug.

"Lyall!" Mum chided, a disapproving look on her face directed at him for encouraging them to make trouble.

"What?" Dad asked, not looking ashamed in the slightest. "They're boys, soon to be teenagers. They are going to get into trouble, make mistakes, and do a bit of damage. They'll probably make some of the best friends they'll have in this lifetime and might even fall in love. They deserve to run a little wild, a little free, as long as they manage their responsibilities first and get good grades."

"Oh, fine." Mum said, giving in and rolling her eyes in an exaggerated way. She was playfully scowling at Dad, but the effect was lost when she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him in an embrace.

Remus and I had both looked at each other with disgusted expressions on our faces at the mention of love. Our parents laughed at the reaction, promising us we would understand one day. I wasn't sure what I thought about love.

It was a powerful emotion, no doubt, and I of course loved my family whole-heartedly. That wasn't the kind of love they were talking about though. Falling in love was different, at least that is what I've heard, never having been in love myself I wouldn't know. It could be all encompassing, all consuming, and make you do things you never would have before. It scared me to even think about letting someone have that kind of power over me even if it was freely given.

I pushed the philosophical thoughts to the side, reminding myself that I was only eleven (again) and had plenty of years before it would even be of consequence.

Mum's eyes were watering, making Rem and I share a look that we both knew meant that was our cue to leave. Thankfully, the train's whistle blew loudly to announce that they would be leaving soon so we should find our seats. We shared one last hug, this one as a family, our arms wrapped around one another for the last time until we saw them at Christmas.

"Remember boys, if things get tough or you are in a hairy situation, we are Lupins." Dad said, looking each of us in the eyes seriously. "Look out for each other and remember that Lupins endure-"

"Even when others can't or won't endure themselves." Remus, Mum, and I all said together. My heart lifted at the familiar words; words that had been repeated throughout our childhood when things got tough. We were in this together, as a family, no matter what.

"And we come out stronger on the other side because of it." Mum added tearfully but with a steady voice, stubbornly refusing to let the water in her eyes escape.

"Exactly." Dad agreed

"Love you both. See you at Christmas!" Remus said, ducking into the train. I made to follow before stopping, turning to my parents and smiling at them.

"I'm going to watch his back and help as much as I can. I'll make sure we write once a week, we'll use the school owls." I promised

"That's a good lad." Dad said, beaming with pride. "Now go show them just how brilliant you two are so I can brag to all my co-workers!"

I turned and walked into the train, making my way through the busy halls filled with people who were trying to find compartments at the last minute. It took me longer than I would have thought but I finally managed to make it to my compartment after shoving my way between two guys who looked like fourth years. I slid open the door and was met by four faces, three of which were sporting looks of polite curiosity, while the fourth was my brother.

"Hey, these three needed to find seats and said everywhere else was full." Remus said, gesturing to the two girls and one boy sitting with him.

I nodded in understanding, all but collapsing into the seat next to Remus in a lazy slouched position, gesturing towards the door I had just entered through. "I understand. It is a mad house out there. The older students are probably the worse, which is sad considering they've done this a few times, y'know?"

The others giggled quietly, obviously not sure how to react when surrounded by strangers. I had an inkling of who the boy was but I introduced myself and asked for names so that I could be sure. I also wanted to give them something to focus on because right now they were staring at my scar, which had gotten less noticeable with time but was still plainly a dominant feature on my face to my own displeasure.

"I'm Zephyrus Lupin, you've already met Remus here of course." I gestured to myself and then Remus as I spoke before finally turning to wave in the general direction of the other three first years. "Who are you lot?"

"Oh, erm, I'm Marlene McKinnon." A girl with brown hair and a pleasant spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose introduced herself, giving a little half-wave as she did so. I nodded and spared her a brief smile in return, my eyes moving to land on the next girl.

"Lucinda Talkalot." She said promptly in a no nonsense tone of voice. She had a pale face, dark brown eyes that seemed just a tad too big for her face, and a surprisingly strong jawline despite her gender and age. While I would not say she was the best looking kid I have ever seen, her features were certainly striking in a way that demanded attention.

Finally, I looked at the thin mousy boy sitting against the wall. He was nervously tapping his fingers and looked painfully shy, making me feel a brief flash of sympathy for him if he was who I thought he was. I raised an eyebrow expectantly and the boy finally confirmed his identity.

"P-Peter Pettigrew." He said, awkwardly raising his hand but looking unsure of what to do with it, so putting it back down to rest on his leg where he nervously began tapping again. Poor kid, I could eat him alive for breakfast. How the hell did he end up in Gryffindor? I never understood that. I suppose he never quite 'found his inner lion' or was never really given a chance to stand up for himself because his friends would intervene. Granted, he also could have just hid behind them as well. Oh well, it didn't really matter, so no use pondering on it further.

"Pleasure to meet you all." Remus said sincerely, smiling at them and then looking at me expectantly. I grunted my agreement, making Remus roll his eyes and swat my leg playfully as a reprimand.

"You two are twins, right?" Marlene asked, glancing between Remus and I. She phrased it like a question but said it like a fact, which means she had no doubt whatsoever that she was correct. It honestly wasn't hard to tell considering we were the same age and brothers.

"Ah, yes, that we are." Remus replied politely

"B-but wait, you don't look exactly like each other." Peter said, scrunching his face up in confusion.

"Obviously." I deadpanned, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. I mean come on, the existence of fraternal twins was a well known fact.

"What my brother means" Remus said, frowning at me in disapproval before turning to face Pettigrew more fully and adopting what I fondly referred to as his 'lecturing' voice. "Is that there are two types of twins. One type is identical, where the twins will look exactly alike. Some are even what they call mirror twins, who are perfect reflections of one another, like looking in a mirror. The other type, such as my brother and I, are fraternal twins."

"What's the difference?" Lucinda asked, her big eyes showing that she was curious. Huh, maybe it wasn't as common of a fact as I originally thought. I was in the nineteen seventies after all. "I mean, why would one pair of twins look identical and another set be fraternal?"

Remus looked over at me, silently asking if I wanted to answer this time. I think he was just trying to get me to socialize, so I acquiesced somewhat begrudgingly.

"It has to do with conception, y'know?" I said in a bored tone, readjusting from my slouched position by crossing my legs over one another and resting my arm on top of my knee, using my hand to support my chin as I continued to explain. "When a baby is made in the womb, usually there is one egg. Identical twins occur when the one egg turns into two embryos. Fraternal twins, in comparison, come from two separate eggs that are merely fertilized at the same time."

I looked at the three people sitting in front of me, taking in their reaction and wondering if I had simplified it enough. I didn't talk about Zygotes at all but that required a basic understanding of science that I wasn't going to spend a train ride educating a group of eleven year old children on. Marlene looked like she understood, Lucinda seemed as though she somewhat understood the gist of what I said, and Peter looked lost. 'Alright, so stupid it down even more then.' I thought

"Okay, so when one person is born, there is one egg and one embryo which eventually develops into a baby, y'know? Identical twins are one egg, two embryo's. Fraternal twins are two eggs, two embryo's." I explained, putting the numbers on my fingers as I spoke and making sure to go slowly for Peter. "Think as fraternal twins as being synonymous to any other siblings, only instead of being born months or years apart, they are born at the same time. They can look different or even be different genders, y'know?."

"That's kind of weird." Peter finally said, nodding in comprehension and making me want to slap myself in the face or slap him in his.

"You say y'know a lot." Lucinda added unhelpfully, making a slight flush appear on my neck.

It's a verbal tic that came out of nowhere. I had done pretty much everything I could to get rid of it short of lopping off my own tongue. Now, it only happens when I'm excited, nervous, or caught up in an explanation. I wasn't too fond of it, mainly because I was pretty sure that if someone else had it and I was listening to them I would find it mildly irritating.

"Yeah, I'm aware. Thanks for pointing that out though." I replied dryly, casting a warning look to Remus when he looked like he was about to speak up. I didn't want anyone knowing about the verbal tic, it wasn't any of their damn business and I didn't care what a bunch of eleven year olds thought about me anyway.

"Er, does anybody want to play twenty questions?" Marlene asked hesitantly when the compartment fell into silence. The others quickly agreed but I politely declined the invitation, preferring to get out my book about Goblins.

I had finished the Occlumency book in record time during summer and started to do the recommended exercises right away. It was very similar to meditation, making sure your head was clear and free of distractions to allow you complete and total focus. The hard part was doing this while maintaining a conversation or for prolonged periods; Eventually, you would get to a point where your Occlumency shields were up constantly.

It helped to use visual imagery when defending your mind, which had been a useful suggestion. I decided to imagine a giant dome of impenetrable glass protecting my mind. After months of effort, I think it was coming along fairly well; it helped that my mind was already quite organized. I wouldn't be able to have tea with Dumbledore or Voldemort any time soon but maybe in a couple of years.

I also read a few chapters ahead on some of our course books and became fascinated instantly. The material was going to be dry in certain areas, except History of Magic which would most likely be dry in ALL areas, but I was eager to begin learning. When the thought struck me that magic was performed by students on the train all of the time, I eagerly saved my place in my book by dog earring the corner (something Remus can't stand - it has resulted in many a slight tussle, we take our books seriously.)

The other occupants of the compartment were chatting amiably enough, well at least Remus and Marlene were. It had been several hours since they ended the game of twenty questions. Peter was listening to their conversation about the ceiling in the Great Hall but apparently didn't have anything to add. Lucinda was reading quietly, happily ignoring the rest of us in favor of her book much like I had been moments before. Eagerly, I got my 10 inch pine wand out of my pocket which instantly got Peter's attention.

"W-what are you doing?" Peter asked, looking curious and wary as he eyed the wand in my hand with his watery blue eyes.

"Magic." I responded, an impish grin on my face. The others watched intently after hearing my declaration of intent, waiting to see what would happen.

After thinking for a moment, I decided to attempt the Wand-Lighting Charm. It seemed easy enough when I read about it in our Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and I remembered the wand movement vividly. Even though we couldn't cast magic, every night after I exercised, I would practice wand movements from the book in order to get used to doing them. I had hope that it would aid me in mastering the spells faster; which I was about to put to the test.

I cleared my throat, reminding myself to enunciate clearly, before imagining the wand movement and doing a practice run. The movement was kind of like a loopty loop on a Muggle rollercoaster.

"Lumos." I said clearly, performing the movement and concentrating entirely on imagining a warm light being produced from the tip of my wand. I heard Peter take a sharp breath just as the tip of my wand began to glow.

Extremely satisfied with the result, I looked up and made eye contact with Remus. I honestly couldn't care less about what the rest of them thought. I allowed my lips to twist into a small smile when I saw the approval and pride in Remus' eyes.

Marlene congratulated me, saying I would probably be brilliant in classes, whereas Lucinda was eyeing me with more interest than she had been previously. The look that I saw in Peter's eyes was one that I recognized; jealousy, envy. One of the worst emotions and one that he likely experienced quite often. Oh no, this wouldn't do at all.

I looked to the window and pretended to only just notice how dark it was outside. I performed the counter, _Nox,_ and stowed my wand away after the light was extinguished. Then I casually suggested we get changed because we would likely be arriving at Hogwarts soon. The others agreed and we all got our robes from our luggage. The girls left the compartment after informing us they were going to change in the loo instead.

"Uh- I think I'll change in the loo as well. I actually have to go to the bathroom so it's perfect timing." Remus said, tugging at his jacket and giving me a meaningful look. I knew what he was trying to tell me; he didn't want to change in front of a non-family member because of the scars littered across his body. I knew he wouldn't want to change in front of a stranger because of how well I know him, it's why this was an easy part of the plan to set up but a hard part to carry through while ensuring no negative backlash.

"Okay Rem, Peter and I will be here when you get back." I said innocently, smiling at him reassuringly when he hesitated at the door. With a final nod, Remus left the compartment and I listened to his receding footsteps before steeling my resolve.

I could hear the sound of shuffling clothes as Peter began changing into the school uniform. I locked the compartment door inconspicuously before rushing to finish changing as well, slipping my hand into the pocket of my robe with it firmly gripping my wand. I was facing the compartment door and when I heard the sounds of Peter changing stop, I took a deep breath and wiped all of the expression from my face as I turned around. Peter looked up when I turned around, struggling to get his tie done properly.

"Would you like me to help?" I asked, my voice low and face blank. Peter nodded thankfully, eyeing me with a strange look for a moment when he noticed that I was acting odd.

In truth, adrenaline was flooding through my veins and I could hear my blood pounding in my ears like war drums. This needed to be absolutely perfect, there was no margin for error, no do overs. It was the beginning of everything I had been working on for the past six years and it all started with this mildly pathetic, mousy boy.

"You know Peter, I love my brother quite a lot." I commented, my voice still low and I did my best to add a dangerous edge to it. I could see Peter's throat swallow nervously as I spoke, so I assumed I was doing a fair enough job. I deftly untied the black tie from the knot it was currently in so that I could start fresh.

"N-nothing like family." Peter said, his tone light as he attempted to joke. My eyes flickered up to meet his and I saw him get more nervous when he saw the lack of emotion on my face and in my eyes. I had practiced in a mirror until I could perfectly clear all of the emotion off of my face for this exact moment.

"Yeah, you're right. There is nothing like family." I agreed, quickly doing up his tie and threading it through until it was presentable. All that was left was for it to be tightened, something I was going to do as a favor to Mr. Peter Pettigrew. "Let me give you some advice, Pete. Can I call you Pete?"

"Uh-I mea-um-" Peter stammered, obviously sensing the trouble coming his way. I met his blue eyes and held the stare before allowing a malicious and sadistic smile to appear on my face that instantly had him tense up. I watched as his eyes widened and dilated, before going even wider as I tightened the Hogwarts tight as tight as possible, using the collar as a barrier so I didn't leave bruises. It wouldn't do to have any evidence of our little chat.

I pushed Peter back a little, watching him panic for a moment as he lost the ability to breath. I only kept the grip for a moment before shoving him down into the seat and watching impassively as his hands went to loosen the tie around his neck. I only strangled him for a minute to get my point across, hopefully making him think I was a bloody lunatic, but I was careful not to seriously hurt him or leave it on long enough for him to decide to fight back. It would be a bad time for that Gryffindor courage to appear in the meek kid.

"Now, I did not enjoy the look in your eye earlier when you watched me. I don't like you talking to my brother even more. It's not something I would recommend if you are wanting to avoid any… 'accidents' at Hogwarts." I said, making sure to speak clearly enough that he could hear me over his heavy breathing. Peter nodded, whether just to show that he was listening or to show that he agreed but either way it didn't really matter.

"We are sorted by having a talking hat placed on our heads. This is me encouraging you to do everything you can to convince that hat that you do not want to be in the same house as my brother and I." I said, bringing my wand out of my pocket. The little magic show I had done earlier was unplanned but a wonderful addition; it lent credibility to my threat of using magic to hurt him. He paled even more when he saw my wand, shying away from it as I made a little bit of red sparks shoot out. "Do we understand one another?"

"Y-yes. Don't get into the house with you or Remus." Peter said, almost shaking in fear.

"Excellent. Now, we will be at Hogwarts soon - I think it would be best if you gathered your things and went to wait out the rest of the journey elsewhere. Wouldn't you agree?" I asked, feigning politeness as I stowed my wand away.

Peter didn't say anything at all, he just gathered his things and left without another word. As soon as the door shut behind him, I sunk into my seat with my head in my hands. My stomach was bubbling with guilt and I honestly wanted to throw up right now. It was the only way I could be sure that Pettigrew would try his damndest to get sorted somewhere besides Gryffindor but even knowing that I still felt like a terrible person.

There have been far too many nights where I have seen Remus that terrified. I never want to cause that kind of reaction from someone again, it was absolutely sickening to watch as I destroyed the small amount of self-confidence he had left. I would be willing to bet he will be jumpy, nervous, and scared for weeks while at Hogwarts. It was a terrible way to start school and I had also robbed him of his friends, although that was something he was unaware of. Not to mention I could hear my Mum's words from Diagon Alley echoing in my head on repeat.

It was only the thought that I most likely saved James, Lily, and Sirius with that action that made me feel better. It didn't make me feel much better but it helped ease a tiny portion of the guilt currently churning inside of me. It was quite possible that because of this, Harry Potter will grow up with parents. Hell, maybe I had even saved Pettigrew by doing that and putting him on a less perilous path to walk for the duration of the war.

I cleared my face just as Remus and the girls came back, making sure to smile a little when I said Peter got excited and wanted to go wait closer to the front so that he could see Hogwarts sooner. They laughed and the girls settled into their seats but Remus knew me far too well. He looked at me with concern that I didn't deserve at the moment in his eyes and put a hand on my shoulder, silently asking if I was alright.

I shrugged, trying to downplay it, and announced how hungry I was. I sat down and gazed out the window for the rest of the train ride, ignoring the curious and concerned looks directed towards me. Remus didn't buy it for a second, I was sure, and he knew something was wrong. Hopefully the sorting would take his mind off of it at least, if not both of our minds. More than anything I hoped that Pettigrew didn't snitch or actually end up in Gryffindor; that would be a disaster. It was also why this was one of the riskier parts of the plan.

The train came to a grinding halt after only fifteen minutes and we all gathered our belongings before making our way to the station in Hogsmeade. The other students were heading to a line of carriages just outside the train station while a giant man with a wild black beard that I knew to be Hagrid called out for the first years.

Remus and I made our way over to the man and waited until everyone was there. We were led to the Black Lake where a fleet of boats waited us and eagerly we all climbed in before Hagrid used magic to make the boats begin gliding across the water.

Hogwarts was magnificent. It was everything I had ever imagined it would be and then some. Windows glowing with yellow candle-light that made it feel positively welcoming was made even more brilliant by the way the Black Lake reflected the image on its surface. I could see why First Years were brought over by boat; It made you truly appreciate being here and seeing this amazing institute of learning that was buzzing with magic and history.

Hagrid led us up to the entrance hall and left us there while McGonagall explained about the four houses, the point system, and the heads of the respective houses. She left for a moment, going to see if they were ready for us to come in, before returning and telling us to follow her.

The doors opened and I took in everything I could as we walked down the space at the center of the room, between the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw table. The floating candles, the roof that displayed a star-filled night sky, and a lot of faces staring seemed to register. At the front of the Great Hall, in front of the table that sat all of the Professors, was a sort of ratty looking hat sitting on a stool. Then the hat seemed to split open at one of the seams and began singing.

 _Welcome students I hope you enjoy,_

 _Your time here at Hogwarts be you girl or boy,_

 _Now listen close while this old hat sings,_

 _Because to you I'm about to explain some things._

 _Long ago were there Founders four,_

 _Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor_

 _Whom came together to imbue the youth,_

 _With knowledge galore, this I promise is the truth_

 _Ravenclaw sought those wise with wit,_

 _Who would study hard and never quit._

 _Her students had the gift of intellect,_

 _And based on this she thought they may connect._

 _Slytherin was different from the rest,_

 _He said his house would only have the best._

 _Ambitious and clever are the traits of a snake,_

 _But only the pure of blood would he take._

 _In Gryffindor are the lions brave,_

 _Courageous students did Gryffindor crave,_

 _With great deeds and chivalrous acts,_

 _Did his students become a pack._

 _The last but certainly not the least,_

 _Hufflepuff's numbers did easily increase,_

 _Hardworking and patient not to mention loyal,_

 _Those badgers treat any friend like a royal._

 _These are qualities I'll search for in you,_

 _While you sit back your mind I'll review._

 _Relax and wait, I'll tell you where you go_

 _For who but the Sorting Hat could possibly know?_

The room burst into applause as the hat completed its song and McGonagall stepped forward with a thick piece of parchment in hand. She unrolled the paper and called out the first name to come forward.

"Aubrey, Bertram."

A thin boy walked forward and looked as if he was about to pass out before McGonagall placed the hat on top of his head. It took about twenty seconds before the hat made its decision. "RAVENCLAW!"

McGonagall continued to go through the list of names and the crowd of first years was slowly diminishing. When Sirius Black was called to the front and was sorted into Gryffindor after wearing the hat for around a minute, the Gryffindor house applauded but the Slytherins were muttering amongst one another with dark looks. Sirius didn't let it bother him as he quite happily made his way over to the Gryffindor table, taking one of the open seats for himself with a wide grin.

Lily Evans was the next to go to Gryffindor and was the next name that I recognised. The rest were total strangers to me and the names were unfamiliar. It wasn't long before my brother was called up and had the hat placed on his head.

"Gryffindor!" The Sorting Hat called out, making the Gryffindors applaud loudly as Remus headed towards the table wearing a relieved expression.

"Lupin, Zephyrus" McGonagall called, watching as I slipped between two others to make my way to the front calmly. I was determined to make it into Gryffindor, I would make the Hat see the qualities if need be.

" _Oh what have we here? Very interesting, very interesting indeed. Oh don't try to hide it from me, it's far too late for that."_ The Sorting Hat said, sounding amused which I hoped was a good sign. _"You have big plans for someone who is so small. I see that you have already started even, how very ambitious of you. I see a lot of Slytherin here though you are loathe to admit it."_

" _Being clever and ambitious is not something I loathe to admit. However, I also don't think it's my primary characteristics either."_ I replied, thinking of a solid argument that would make Gryffindor the best fit for me.

" _Oh yes, use the logic that you revere so much that you hide behind it."_ The Sorting Hat whispered in my mind mockingly _"You are extraordinarily smart, I will concede that, and Wise beyond your years. Ravenclaw would certainly be a place that you would thrive with your love of being challenged. Though I must agree that your wisdom is due to your actual mental age, which we both know is much older than your physical one. Interesting indeed, I haven't had this hard of a time placing someone in a long time."_

" _What, not Hufflepuff? I assumed you were just mentioning every house but my brothers."_ I replied, getting angry that he was barely listening to my request. I could hear in the background that the Great Hall was filled with students whispering and I wondered how long I had been wearing that hat.

" _Oh I'm always listening, yes you can be sure of that. No, Hufflepuff would never take you; you are hardworking and loyal to your family, but you lack the kindness that is present in most who wear the yellow and black."_ The Sorting Hat mused " _Oh, now what is this?"_

Suddenly an image of when I was five years old flashed before my eyes. It was the night that Fenrir Greyback had attacked and bitten Remus, more specifically it was the moment that I grabbed the bat and tried to hit the werewolf so he would let go of my brother.

" _Oh yes, quite brave of you. Hmm... Well, you do have a certain kind of courage there I'll admit. After all, it does take courage to enforce changes. I would even go so far as to say it took a lot of nerve to do something you didn't like to attempt to change the future."_ The Sorting Hat commented, which gave me an idea that was instantly shot down. _"No, I would never put someone somewhere they don't belong because of what I saw inside another's head. That is not my purpose. However, I do think that you would be best in.._ GRYFFINDOR!"

I took the hat off and walked over to my twin, who was beaming with happiness as I joined him, and I took a seat next to him which was also directly across from Sirius Black. Pretty soon it was Peter Pettigrew's turn to be sorted and I anxiously leaned forward a little, refusing to look so instead watching some of my new housemates. I didn't realize how tense I was until I heard The Sorting Hat say Hufflepuff.

'Pettigrew is in Hufflepuff… I did it. I changed the timeline. I was honestly slightly surprised but immensely satisfied. This as a huge step in the right direction and I had just proven that I could change things. It wouldn't be like last time.

The rest of the sorting went by predictably, with James ending up with us in Gryffindor and Snape heading to Slytherin. Lucinda, the girl I sat with on the train, was a Slytherin and Marlene joined us in Gryffindor. I didn't know the other girls in my year but I'm sure I would find out soon enough. We finished up our meal after we all introduced ourselves and then followed our house Prefect to the portrait of The Fat Lady.

Once we were told the password and shown to our dorms, we asked a few questions about randoms things in order to get to know each other a little better. Tired from the excitement of the day and the long train ride, it wasn't long until I changed into my pyjamas and went to sleep, the rest of the guys following soon after.

I fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about the first class of my magical career tomorrow. I had Charms and it was going to be awesome.

 **A/N: I have no idea how these chapters keep getting away from me like this. I mean seriously, this monster is over 7,000 words (22 pages) long.**

 **Anyway, I know that some people may not like what happened with Peter, but let me explain why I wrote it that way. Zephyrus is very logic-driven - as I mentioned in the Diagon Alley chapter, he is aware of how complex humans and emotions are. Peter Pettigrew was a risk that he didn't think, after weighing the good and bad, he could take a chance on.**

 **For instance, say he decided to simply try and change whatever it was that made Peter betray his friends. Zephyrus doesn't know what made him betray the others, and we all know how much Zephyrus loves unknown factors, so that means that he wouldn't really know if he succeeded until it was too late. To him, and to me, it was better to stop him from meeting and even being associated with The Marauders.**

 **This is a safe way to mitigate the risk without harming (Well, at least doing any lasting damage) to Peter. As Zephyrus mentioned, it may even go better for Peter! Who knows, he could become a friendly little 'Puff who is super loyal and finds a great wife. He won't be a prominent target in the war which means he won't be targeted to recruit - he is rather insignificant as far as talents and abilities go, after all.**

 **Okay, well, I hope you all enjoyed the chapter and are ready for the next one! There will be interactions with the Marauders, first classes, and more! Hogwarts, here we are!**

 **~Rache**

 **P.S. I would simply love it if anyone wanted to leave a review expressing any comments/concerns/questions/feelings that you may have about my story. Hopefully I'll hear from you! Thanks again!**

 **Reply to Reviews:**

 **Mary the Poltergeist: I'm glad you liked the chapter! I loved writing the scene between Hope and Zephyrus, it was a tender moment, so I'm glad I conveyed it in a nice way. As for his training - No, he will not be a martial arts expert or an amazing sports star. To me, Zephyrus is going to be far too focused on making sure everything is going exactly how he needs it to go to do something as trivial as sports. I also don't seem him fighting like a muggle; Zypherus' biggest strength is his brain and he knows it. The training he is doing is out of necessity. Occlumency to keep his secrets, Goblins is a surprise you'll find out about a little later (Year Three, to be precise), and the running is just exercise. He knows he very well may have to duel one day and I can't imagine anyone who is fat or out of shape being a good dueler. (All of the Marauders and Lily Evans were known as good duelers and I'm sure he plans on joining the Order because of Remus, so it's just him thinking ahead.) Zypherus likes to have all of the cards stacked in his favor - it's why he plans.**

 **Artmis: Thank you! I enjoy writing about Zephyrus, he is my favorite OC character I've ever written I think. Side Note: Zephyrus is absolutely a boy lol - I will take your vote into consideration! Just reading the review set my brain into motion and I have a few ideas on how I could introduce a character that fits (Vampire/Werewolf) and how they'd meet, so it's absolutely an option. I will say that I will not be writing that they meet in Hogwarts however - I don't like the idea tbh - but I do think they could meet once he has graduated. Thanks for the Review!**

 **Guest: Thank you! I'll mark it down! (The other two replies are long but you didn't write much so sorry xD)**

 **Pairing Poll: Regulus Black in the lead!**

 **Sirius Black x Zypherus: 0**

 **Regulus x Zypherus: 2**

 **James Potter x Zypherus: 0**

 **OC x Zypherus: 1 (Werewolf/Vampire)**

 **Other x Zypherus: 0**


	6. Chapter 6: First Day of Classes

Chapter Six: Classes, Glasses, and the Masses

"Zephyrus!" Remus shouted in my ear, agile dodging the punch I threw his way when I shot up. I glared at my brother, hoping I could set him on fire with just my eyes for waking me up, when I heard snickering.

"Oh shut it, Black." I snapped half-heartedly, the scowl I was wearing losing its edge as I had to yawn. It was hard to look intimidating first thing in the morning.

"Very scary." Sirius said sarcastically, dodging the shoe I threw towards him as I shuffled out of bed.

I pretty much zombie walked on auto pilot to the shower, ignoring Sirius' comment about throwing things not being a nice way to make friends. James was coming out of the bathroom just as I was entering and he had far too cheerful of an expression on his face for this early in the morning.

"Good morning, Zephyrus!" James chirped.

No, seriously, he chirped.

I grunted in response and shut the door behind me, drowning out Sirius' laughter at my response to James. It was going to take a miracle for me not to kill one of them if this is how it is going to be for the next seven years.

Before I got into the shower, I brushed my teeth and looked into the mirror at the mess that used to be my hair. Over the years I hadn't changed all that much except now I was accustomed to the face staring back at me, especially because I don't remember my old face anymore. I had light brown hair that bordered on blonde in some places that I just kind of spiked. It was a messy, spiky mess pretty much everyday so it wasn't too different from my bed head except right now half of it was completely flat from where I had laid on it. Same angular features, high cheekbones, and dark green eyes. I was still shorter than Remus, who was taking after our Dad whereas I was taking after Mum. Yeah, whatever. Then of course the scar that wrapped from my forehead, around my eye, and then across the bridge of my nose - something I think I want to cover with magic when I have time to learn a spell that could do it.

The shower woke me up slightly and I trudged back into the dorm room, where my other roommates were talking amongst one another.

"Wow, he's alive!" Sirius said, grinning at me as if waiting for me to self-destruct.

"Yeah, kinda." I shrugged, lazily putting my uniform on. Part of the shirt was untucked and hanging loose but I didn't care enough to fix it. I let my tie hang so it was just a little bit loose and put the rest of the clothes on easily enough. I looked like a lazy mess who doesn't care - I mean, it was actually who I was anyway, at least a part of me. Might as well look the part and be comfortable.

Besides, people tend to underestimate the lazy people. Too bad for them I'm lazy in everything except learning, magic, and friends. I'll soak up all the knowledge I can, learn as much magic as possible, and then use every last bit of power I have to protect the people I love.

"Ready for breakfast then?" James asked, receiving only a nod from me but verbal confirmation from the other two.

We made it to the Great Hall without getting lost, mainly because of my distaste for not knowing where I am which had resulted in me carefully committing every turn we took last night on the way from dinner to the common room. You better believe I will be able to find the food and my bed in this castle if nothing else. I did get a foot stuck in one of the trick steps but Remus pulled me out of it while Sirius and James laughed.

"Think we'll have class with any Slytherins?" James asked with a smirk, straightening the glasses on his nose as he sat down at the table.

"Hope not!" Sirius said cheerfully, grinning a little "For their sake at least! I'm glad I didn't end up in there but I bet my Mum is going to be pissed."

"Why would she be mad at what house you are in?" I asked, putting a confused look on my face as though I didn't already know.

"Ah, my whole family is in Slytherin." Sirius said with a grimace, piling his plate with eggs, bacon, and toast as he spoke. He stopped for a moment and his lips twitched as though he was fighting a smile, then he adopted a high pitch voice that sounded positively dreadful. "Sirius Orion Black, I cannot believe you got sorted into Gryffindor. You are a disgrace to this family.. Going to be hanging out with Blood Traitors and Muggleborns. It's unforgivable."

"Is your Mum really like that?" Remus asked with a stunned expression on his face, not believing a mother could say things like that to a child. I'm sure he was thinking something along the lines of 'I'm a werewolf and my Mum still loves me'.

"Er, yeah. I don't buy into any of that Pureblood crap though." Sirius said, shifting uncomfortably as if he regretted bringing it up. "Reckon we'll have flying lessons soon? I wish first years could play Quidditch."

"That would be brilliant! We'll make the team next year for sure!" James said confidently, the dramatic statement somewhat mitigated by the fact that his mouth was overflowing with eggs and it came out a tad garbled because of it.

"Potter, Black, Lupin, Lupin. Schedules." McGonagall said, her lips in a thin line and eyes disapproving as she watched James swallow the large amount of food in his mouth before grinning at her.

"Why thank you, Professor! IT's a pleasure to receive my schedule from such an amazing witch as yourself!" James said with a straight face, pouring as much sincerity as he could into his voice.

"Oh yes, an honor more than a pleasure really!" Sirius chimed in

"Flattery will get you nowhere." McGonagall said firmly, allowing her lips to twitch into what looked like a small smile as she passed the schedule over to the others before finally handing me mine.

"Thanks." I said distractedly, instantly allowing my eyes to glue to the parchment that told me when classes were and who we had them with.

"Potions with the Slytherins first thing!" Sirius complained, basically throwing his schedule onto the table and barely missing the jug of pumpkin juice.

"Transfiguration with Ravenclaw later in the day as well, Mr. Black. Do try not to be late for your first class." McGonagall said pointedly before walking away in her emerald robes without another word.

"Of course not, Professor!" Sirius replied in a tone of faux hurt, placing his hand over his heart. "I am the most punctual Gryffindor you've ever had!"

"Yes, well, that remains to be seen." Professor McGonagall replied with a thin smile, moving down the table to pass more schedules out.

"Wonder who the Potions teacher is." James said out loud, never having even looked at his schedule. I refrained from rolling my eyes and Remus was the one who answered him.

"Says here it's a chap named Slughorn." Remus said, reading it straight from the schedule.

"Which one you reckon that is?" Sirius asked, turning to look at the mostly deserted table. My eyes scanned the long table at the front of the Great Hall, purposefully skipping Dumbledore just in case he was watching, and saw that Slughorn wasn't at the table at all. Frowning, my eyes scanned the schedule for a time and I was alarmed to see that Potions started in twenty minutes. We had gotten a late start.

"Portly fellow who sat at the end last night. He's Head of Slytherin House." I said absentmindedly while I tried to think of where the classroom was said to be in the dungeons and guzzling down my pumpkin juice after I shoveled the rest of my eggs into my mouth.

Remus frowned, adopting a quizzical expression, and I raised my eyebrows in a silent question.

"How do you know that?" Remus asked, making my stiffen before I forcibly relaxed and came up with a plausible excuse. It's the first day and I was already slipping, I needed to be more careful about things like that. The Marauders were observant little buggers, after all.

"Asked an older student." I said, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulder as I stood from the table. "We have class in twenty minutes and have no idea where in the dungeons it is, we should go."

"But you were with us the entire time las-" Sirius protested, huffing when I didn't turn around to acknowledge the statement. I heard people scrambling behind me and smirked, waiting only a moment in the Entrance Hall for them before walking purposefully towards the dungeons.

We walked down the steps and along the main corridor, not seeing any students milling about. Sirius decided just to turn right at a junctions which led us to a dead end. This happened three more times before we finally saw a door with students around our age standing outside, red and green ties on.

"Someone ought to make a map of this place." Sirius grumbled as we lined up outside with the rest of the students.

The rest of us agreed, finding it annoying that the schedules didn't say where to go aside from the classroom number and that it was up to us to located the classes. We didn't have long to brood before Slughorn opened the door and was ushering us in jovially, a smile on his face as he carefully looked at each of our faces as though he were attempting to place where he had seen them before.

Most likely he was 'checking out' the talent for his little club, watching for people that had a last name he recognized or features that were indicative of a famous relative. The tables were set along in rows, staggered just a little to allow everyone a decent view of the front. Remus and I claimed a seat next to one another while Sirius and James did the same one table over.

"Hey look, it's Snivellus." James snickered, pointing to a boy with admittedly greasy black hair and a pale, thin face. The hair hung in curtains to hide his face when he had his head down and was parted down the middle. Next to him was a girl with bright red hair that I instantly knew was Lily Evans.

"Looks like he still hasn't washed his hair." Sirius drawled loudly, attracting quite a few glances and one rather ferocious glare from the only table with a Gryffindor and Slytherin sitting together.

"Shove off, Black." Lily Evans said, green eyes narrowing at Sirius.

"Oooh, better watch out for that one, Sirius. She's a spitfire." James said, elbowing Sirius, who let out a loud laugh that faintly sounded like a dog barking.

"You two are so-" Lily, who was becoming increasingly red as she got more and more angry at the pair, never got to finish that thought because Slughorn interrupted.

"Well! Looks like we have a bit of a rivalry going on, doesn't it?" Slughorn interjected, a dialed down version of his former smile on his face as his eyes flickered from the two tables. "Enough of that now, we have plenty to do today."

"Sorry, Professor." Lily said quietly, causing her skin to match her hair even more as she seemed to shrink in her seat just a little. The girl obviously hadn't wanted to get reprimanded by her first Professor on her first day of school.

"No worries, dear girl, no worries. Now, welcome to First Year Potions class. This year, we are going to.." Slughorn rambled on about the syllabus, citing things we would be learning and in what order as well as what was expected of us to know by the end of the year.

I watched in amazement as Slughorn spoke, never seemingly needing to pause and take a breath. The man who could talk a person to death; every time he got to a rule he would give a funny, or at least funny to him, story about a student breaking said rule and what the consequences were.

"Anyway, as you can tell, all of the rules are there for a reason!" Slughorn finished thirty minutes into class, clapping his hands and pulling our eyes from the parchment with the rules of the class and the syllabus on it. Slughorn waited for everyone's head to lift before continuing. "Now, today we are going to be learning about safety in the class - with knives, fire, cauldrons, and ingredients uses. This will what we will cover the first three classes of the year so I expect you to write these down, keep good notes, and never forget them!"

Slughorn flicked his wand toward his black board, one girl in the class gasping when words appeared, making Slughorn smile at the reaction to magic. It was exactly how I would have reacted if I hadn't grown up as a Lupin. The rest of the class was boring, going over all the safety precautions such as what to do if a potion explodes and all of that. I was relieved when the class was over.

"I hope they aren't all that boring." James complained, ruffling his hair as we walked out of potions.

"Most of the classes will cover the syllabus most likely. I don't we'll learn any spells for a week or two." I replied, suppressing a smile at the groans it garnered from both Sirius and James.

"Well, I reckon we'll have to make our own fun then." Sirius said with a mischievous look, his eyes focused on a sallow skinned boy with black hair walking beside a red head in front of us.

"You lot have fun with that. I'm going to the library." I said, ignoring the looks of disbelief on James and Sirius's faces. "Catch you later, Rem?"

"Yeah, 'Phy." Remus replied, trying to hide the small amount of anxiety he felt at me leaving. I knew he wanted me to stay, or for me to invite him, but this was not the kind of research I could have him around for.

I left the boys at the Great Hall, making my way to the library and only getting lost twice on the way there. The ghosts were surprisingly helpful, thankfully, and as I opened the doors I was instantly in awe.

The library was enormous. There were more books in this giant room than I could hope to read in seven years, I'm sure, but damn if I wasn't going to try. What I was going to the library for was to research pureblood geneology, something that would absolutely raise Remus' eyebrow and curiosity, but it was all apart of the plan.

After spending awhile in the library, reading up on Transfiguration as well just so I'd be prepared, I decided to meet the boys at Charms class instead of trying to find them in the Great Hall.

"Hey." I greeted casually, making James jump and Sirius to stifle a laugh at his friends reflexive action.

"You're like a cat! Make some noise or you'll give a guy a bloody heart attack!" James complained, making me roll my eyes at the dramatics.

Charms was much more interesting than Potions and Professor Flitwick seemed like he would be an excellent teacher. I was correct in assuming that we would only be learning about the hazards of doing charmwork and more theoretical things, with our homework being a page on what we went over in class.

Finally, Transfiguration class came around, and I eagerly walked into the classroom with Remus to my right, Sirius and James bringing up the rear. Remus and I had been discussing the possibilities of charmwork while Sirius and James were planning some kind of prank but I went silent as soon as I saw the cat sitting on the desk, it's tail flicking back and forth as it watched us with keen eyes. We were the last ones into the room but we weren't technically late yet.

"Where's McGonagall at?" Sirius asked, looking around the room curiously.

"I dunno, reckon we could get away with pulling a little trick on her before she shows up?" James asked, his bespectacled eyes lighting up at the prospect.

"Considering she is already here and listening, I wouldn't." I told them lightly, my eyes looking pointedly at the cat.

"The cat?" Remus asked, eyebrows furrowed as he worked it out before it clicked. "Oh."

"Wait, you mean she's an-?"

Professor McGonagall chose that moment to transform back into her human self, appraising each us with a stern look on her face before her eyes landed on me. "I will give you five points if you tell the class how you recognized I was an Animagus."

"Uh, well, I just kind of put two and two together. You are the Transfiguration teacher, the cat seemed way too intelligent even for a cat, and it had marks around it's eyes that looked just like your glasses, Professor." I said, shifting a little nervously under the stern woman's gaze.

I didn't mention that it helped that I already knew she was an animagus because I was a reincarnated soul from a world that regarded her as a fictional character in a story. I didn't think it would go over well.

"Very observant, Mr. Lupin." McGonagall complimented "Five points to Gryffindor. Now, Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn at Hogwarts. Anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."

Transfiguration was the most scientific branch of magic aside from Potions. It had to be exact, there were formulas, and a lot of variables which is what made it so dangerous and so useful. I could already tell I was going to love the subject. By the end of the class, my mind was swimming from all of the day's knowledge and my stomach was growling from having missed lunch to stay in the library for longer instead.

I filled myself up with some delicious shepherd's pie at dinner and trooped up to bed with the other boys, falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I could tell I was going to love Hogwarts but there was so much work to be done, it made me sad to think I wouldn't be able to enjoy it nearly as much as I knew I'd want too.

 **A/N: Sorry it has been so long! My internet was out forever, still is I wrote this at a friends house, but hopefully that problem will be fixed soon and I will be back! This, to me, was kind of a boring chapter so I'm going to be skipping ahead to some good parts in the near future.**

 **I hope you all continue to enjoy!**

 **Voting Poll: Sirius Black is in the lead!**

 **Sirius x Z = 8**

 **James x Z = 3**

 **Regulus x Z = 5**

 **Original Male Character x Z = 1**


	7. Chapter 7: Reward and Punishment

Chapter Seven: The Art of Reward and Punishment

Hogwarts was a busy place, especially when you were friends with what would become the Marauders. There was always somewhere to explore, something to do, someone to prank. They, including Remus, were slightly suspicious about the hours I would 'disappear' to go off on my own at first but as it became habit, they began to disregard it - much like Remus' monthly 'illness' at the full moon.

Anytime anything having to do with my solo study sessions or Remus' transformation came up, it was easy enough to distract Sirius and James with a prank. It was December, Remus had transformed last night and I knew he had a nasty looking cut on his face that wasn't quite healed, so the other two boys couldn't see him.

They thought he was in the hospital wing because of his lactose intolerance, which wasn't even real by the way, and so seeing the cut would raise too many questions. That is how I got myself in the position I am in currently - which is standing in the empty Charms corridor during my free period charming a suit of armor with James while Sirius keeps lookout.

The Slytherins were in Charms currently and we decided to change the suit of armor from it's normal iron color to Gryffindor red and gold. James knew a handy charm he picked up from a prank book that could make the armor say slurs ( "Slimy Slytherins Can't Slither by!"). The last part was all up to me and it was admittedly a difficult bit of Transfiguration. I knew the wand movement, knew the theory, and of course knew the spell - but for some reason it wasn't working and I couldn't figure out why.

"J-bird to Bocknock, what is taking so bloody long?" James hissed at me from a few spaces away, his head swiveling faster the closer it got to the time class would end and the hall would flood with students. "Black Star is getting impatient."

"Would you like to try James? It's not as easy as it looks." I snapped back at him indignantly, keeping my voice low to avoid being overheard and rolling my eyes even though he couldn't see it because of my position behind the armor.

"Use the code names!" James whisper yelled, sending me a nasty look.

"Whatever, J-bird." I muttered sarcastically, raising my voice just a little so he could hear my next words. "I'm picking the code names next time."

"My code names are great!" James defended "Besides, whoever makes the plan makes the names. You never make the plan."

"I'm just the one who has to do the hard part." I shot back, poking my head out from behind the armor so he could see the exasperated look on my face. "Now bugger off and let me concentrate or I won't get it."

"You should've practiced." James grumbled, shifting nervously on his feet but remaining quiet.

I honestly had practiced and had managed to move Remus' non enchanted chess piece easily enough. I didn't take into consideration the size of the subject. Forcing myself to relax and concentrate, I performed a sweeping motion with my wand that ended with a little jab and twist before saying the incantation.

"Piertotum Locomotor." I said confidently, almost sighing in relief as I felt magic in the air. I smirked with satisfaction as soon as the armor took a jerky step off of the platform it was on, shooting James a pleased expression, but wincing when I heard the clanging of the armor.

James preformed Silencio on it, impressing me because it was one we weren't supposed to learn for awhile, but sometimes I forgot how smart both Sirius and he were. Behind the pranks, silly antics, and jokes were two incredibly bright minds - magic came easy to them, like breathing.

I commanded the armor to prevent anyone wearing a green tie from leaving the charms corridor, internally wondering how it would be able to see and identify green ties without any eyes before filing it under the mental cabinet of 'unexplainable magic bullshit'.

We hid behind a tapestry and five minutes later we were stifling our giggles as the second year class of Ravenclaws and Slytherins exited Charms and headed for the stairs. The armor easily caught their attention and they slowed down, warily eyeing the iron armor standing in front of the door. Ravenclaw students went by without incident but the armor moved to block any of the Slytherins from doing the same.

The antics went on for about five minutes, the three of us quietly laughing hysterically, until the tapestry was pulled back to reveal us. Professor Flitwick gave us disapproving looks, ending the spell on the armour and changing the color back to it's original plain iron, and sending the armor back to the pedestal it came off of.

"Come along, you three. We're going to see Professor McGonagall." Flitwick said in his squeaky voice, leading the way as he marched us to our Head of House's office. We sat in chairs outside while he entered after knocking, going to explain the situation to her before she gave us our punishment, and we exchanged sly, satisfied looks with one another as we waited.

It stunk that we got caught but it was worth the laugh. The Slytherins were pissed though so we would have to look out for more jinxes than usual but the Christmas holidays were only a few days away. They would forget about it by the time we got back to school.

Flitwick exited the office and informed us she was ready to see us. We slipped on our most remorse filled faces, which honestly weren't that convincing, and filed into the office silently under the disapproving stare of Professor McGonagall. Her lips were pressed together into a thin line and she gestured in a curt manner for us to sit in the armchairs placed in front of her desk.

The four of us sat in silence for about a minute, waiting for her to speak and watching her stare us down in an unnerving show of patience and disapproval. My eleven year old body felt even smaller under her sharp, disappointed gaze and I even felt the smallest hint of guilt begin to creep into my stomach - she would have to take points from her own house, after all.

"Can I have a biscuit?" Sirius asked suddenly, a tiny charming smile on his face and I wanted to slap my hand to my forehead in exasperation. Better yet, I wanted to cuff him on the back of his head.

"Do you think you've earned a biscuit?" Professor McGonagall spoke, finally breaking her silence. The tone of voice she used was sharp, daring Sirius to retort with the same level of sass and casualness he normally does, but he thankfully chose wisely and did not respond at all to the question.

McGonagall waited a moment to see if he would take the bait but began speaking in the sharp, curt manner that belied how frustrated she was with both our group and the situation. "You four have been in this castle for four months and caused more pandemonium than most of my sixth years have in their entire time her at Hogwarts."

"No offence intended, Professor, but Remus is in the Hospital Wing so-" I interrupted, reacting instinctively to protect my brother and make sure she knew he had no part in the prank whatsoever but I was interrupted by the Transfiguration teacher quickly.

"I know exactly where Remus Lupin is, thank you, Mr. Lupin." Professor McGonagall said sharply, expressing with her eyes and voice that it would be a smart move on our parts to take the verbal lashing with no more interruptions. "However, I also have no doubt in my mind that he would be here with us right now if he was not currently indisposed, though I doubt these kind of… shenanigans are ever his idea.:"

'Shenanigans?' Sirius mouthed to me, making me want to roll my eyes but not daring to with McGonagall right in front of us.

"Detention every night until you leave for the holiday's and then for fifteen days when you get back. First you'll shine every trophy and award in the trophy room, then you'll clean every suit of armor in the castle since you like playing around with them so much."

"What if we finish cleaning all the armor?" James asked quickly, hoping we would be let off the hook early if we finished early.

"Then you'll start over and clean them again until your time is up, Mr. Potter." Professor McGonagall responded coldly, nostrils flaring a little in irritation which in turn made me shrink just a little into my seat. She was an intimidating woman, especially when you were eleven years old and she was a powerful witch who was the authority figure directly responsible for you - that was why I felt no shame in shrinking away from the older witch.

"I'll also be taking five points from Gryffindor because of another blatant practical joke aimed at members of Slytherin house, who have in no way provoked you to cause this kind of behavior." Professor McGonagall continued, her stern voice the only sound in the warm office. "I expect a certain level of respect, dignity, honor, and maturity from members of my house. I certainly will not stand for them to act like blithering, bumbling, blind baboons because of some petty rivalry."

"But Professor, most of the Slytherins are jerks! They deserve every prank we pull on them. It's like we are giving them." Sirius protested, ignoring the way Professor McGonagall's lips grew a little white as they tightened even more - a clear sign that she was not in a forgiving mood or willing to put up with Sirius' rather eccentric behavior with any form of her normal grace or patience.

"I will not stand to hear-" Professor McGonagall started, only for James to cut her off, which left me gaping at him in disbelief. I knew he was brave, it was pretty much a requirement for Gryffindor, but that was suicidal. The boy obviously had no sense of self-preservation.

"Come on, Professor! They go around cursing people and calling muggleborn students you-know-what all the time. They are just too slimy to get caught by anyone and Slughorn doesn't give a damn because he's too busy trying to make sure he's surrounded by important people." James argued, the frustration on his face completely genuine. What he was saying was true, after all, even though I never knew he felt so strongly about it. I always assumed it was because of that first bad meeting with Snape that made him dislike Slytherins by association. "That man would turn a blind eye to anything if it meant someone famous, rich, or powerful would come to his stupid parties."

"I will not listen to you disrespecting a member of the staff in that way, Potter. I'll be adding five more days to your detention and five more points will be taken from Gryffindor. You WILL show the proper respect to your Professors, no matter your personal evaluations of their behavior or intentions. Do you understand me?" Professor McGonagall thundered, her hands hitting the oak desk she was sitting behind as she reached her limit on what she was willing to let slide by.

All three of us watched McGonagall with wide eyes, never having seen her lose her temper in that way, and we eyed her warily. Her hat was tilted to one side haphazardly, making me absentmindedly wonder how it possibly could be staying on her head, but the thought was gone as soon as it came as I took in the rest of her appearance.

Her cheeks were flushed slightly with anger, her eyes narrowed and lips nearly invisible because of how tight they were pressed together. I could see the way her chest moved a little faster than normal underneath the emerald green robes she favored, obviously trying to control her breathing and reign in her temper. The glare that was shifting between the three of us made me shift uneasily in my seat every time it landed on me, her glasses only serving to enhance the angry, narrowed orbs directed at us.

Professor McGonagall suddenly let out a deep breath, some of the tension visibly leaving her body as she slowly lowered herself back into her straight backed chair. This in turn caused us to relax but only slightly because apparently our antics had been getting under her skin since they began four months ago - we just hadn't known she was so close to exploding on us this early. Professor McGonagall's reaction was unexpected and it was the unexpected events, the moments that caught us off guard, that produced a more genuine and powerful reaction.

"You will report to Filch at his office tonight at Eight o'clock sharp. There will be no excuses for tardiness accepted. Nod to let me know you understand." Professor McGonagall's voice was back to it's normal stern, level tone and the three of us nodded quickly in agreement with her words. "Now, before you leave to head to your next class of the day, which one of you cast the Piertotum Locomotor spell?"

The three of us exchanged glances, having been in enough trouble since the start of our friendship and spent enough time together to wordlessly agree there was no harm in her knowing who cast what spell. I slowly raised my hand, cautious about speaking because she had just told us the only response she had wanted was a nod.

Professor McGonagall eyed me with an unreadable look, although it bared a striking resemblance to the look Mum had on her face when she was examining a particularly challenging crossword puzzle. I kept my eyes wide and innocent, hoping she would just write it off as me being overly studious or some kind of freak accident.

Literally I would take anything over being either sent or dragged to the Headmaster's office to speak with him just because I cast a difficult spell. I wasn't ready to face him yet, especially not in a private setting, my occlumency shields had come far in the last few months but they were still incredibly weak. My fragilely shielded mind would crumble in under a minute if Professor Dumbledore wanted to search for something.

"Am I correct in assuming that you understand that is an advanced spell you should not even be capable of learning until at least your fourth year, Mr. Lupin?" Professor McGonagall asked curtly, her face giving away absolutely nothing to indicate how she felt about what she had just said.

"Erm, well… Yes, I guess Professor. I… read a lot and enjoy Transfiguration, so I practice." I responded, barely stopping my nose from wrinkling in distaste at how shaky my voice sounded. It was mildly pathetic. I licked my lips and added more confidence into my voice as I continued. "It took me awhile to get it right, I understand why we are supposed to wait that long, it's a tricky bit of magic. I think his movements were a little too stiff though so I'm not sure it worked perfectly."

"I see." McGonagall stated simply, her expression remaining unchanged. I could see Sirius tapping his foot and restrained myself from telling him to knock it off, it was his way of working off the nerves he felt. We all sat in silence for a moment, the three of us waiting to be dismissed and McGonagall just sitting patiently.

In a shocking turn of events, McGonagall's lips actually twitched. I thought it was a trick of the light or possibly a figment of my imagination. At least that was what I thought until she slowly let a tiny smile be displayed on her face, directed towards me (and was that a proud look in her eye or should I be admitted to the Psych Ward at St. Mungo's?).

"I'm glad to see you taking such an interest in the subject I teach, although I do wish you would utilize your talents in a more productive and positive way so as to not besmirch Gryffindor or myself with these childish antics." Professor McGonagall said chidingly to the three of us, who were gaping at her with dumbfounded expressions on her face while trying to comprehend that she had just complimented me because of a spell we used in a prank. "The punishment stands but I do reward hard work and talent when it is displayed. Twenty points to Gryffindor for the excellent execution of an advanced form of Transfiguration."

"Wow, uh… thank you, Professor." I said, stumbling on the words leaving my mouth as I tried to wipe the shocked expression off of my face.

"Do not take this as encouragement to continue these antics. I expect better of you three, with as bright as you are, and the other Mr. Lupin as well." Professor McGonagall stated with her normal stern countenance back in full force. "Now go on you three, you don't want to be late for class. I don't want to hear about any of you causing any trouble or next time the consequences will be far more severe."

We scurried out of the office quickly before she could take the points she had given away when she had gone temporarily insane or confounded. Whatever had just happened was something I was grateful for, even though I couldn't wrap my head around the exchange with the Head of Gryffindor House, but nineteen days of detention cleaning couldn't be too awful.

"Well, that went well." Sirius commented, a smile tugging at his lips. James and I both glanced at him, breaking out of our own thoughts, and the three of us made brief eye contact. I am not sure who started it but not even a minute later we were all holding our sides as we laughed hysterically. A combination of the adrenaline leaving our body, the feeling of a well executed prank being successful, and getting out of the tense atmosphere of McGonagall's office with basically a slap on the wrist was what caused our incessant laughter.

"She gave those points back just because she wants to win the house cup." James said knowingly, grinning at the thought of our normally incredibly fair teacher doing something to help her own house win the house cup.

"Minnie does love to have that trophy behind her desk. I've heard her talking about it with that gnarly looking guy, Professor Kettleburn." Sirius commented, patting his stomach as he straightened up. "We should head to the Great Hall for lunch before class, I bet we could snag a sandwich before Defense and make it their in time."

"I've got to run this work by the Hospital Wing for Remus, I'll meet you guys there." I said, not giving them a chance to suggest coming with me or say anything before I turned on my heel and began walking towards where I know I would find Remus.

"I'll get you a sandwich!" Sirius called out to my back, making me smile and raise my hand in acknowledgement but never actually turning to look at the pair of troublemakers I called friends.

"Kettleburn is the guy that is missing like four fingers, right?" James asked conversationally, his voice becoming more distant as I walked. I didn't hear the response from Sirius before I turned the corner. My shoulders relaxed now that I was away from the two boys, glad I didn't have to worry about Remus' secret being discovered. Well, at least not today.

I knew it would come out eventually and that it might be important to wait for the right time but it was hard keeping it a secret from two people who lived in the same dorm as us. Especially when those two people were as smart as Sirius Black and James Potter. I honestly couldn't wait for the holiday break, not only because I could see my parents again but because it meant a whole month almost without having to hide Remus' condition or come up with excuses.

Despite how difficult it was sometimes, I loved my life at Hogwarts. It was just as magical as I imagined it would be and I was both fondly anticipating and dreading the coming years. I dreaded the fact that I knew they would fly by way too fast but I also knew the material would be more interesting and complex, people would mature and become more diverse. Not to mention the plans I had already set in motion.

Yes, it was with mixed feelings that I looked to the future, but I accepted the fact that it would come regardless. The only question was if I was as prepared as I thought I was. Only time would truly tell.

 **A/N: Ah, the light heartedness of youth! Enjoy it while it lasts ;)**

 **Keep voting and reviewing to let me know what you all think of the story so far!**

 **Sirius x Z**

 **James x Z**

 **Regulus x Z**

 **OMC x Z**

 **Love,**

 **~Rache**


	8. Chapter 8: Number 78

**A/N: Okay, so I normally do an Author's Note at the end of a story but this time there will be one both before and after because there is something I want to say. (I'm hoping saying it, then releasing the next chapter and having you read it before the chapter will soften the blow - I'm kind of Slytherin like that. Except I just told you exactly what and why I'm doing it this way.)**

 **For the pairing, I have decided that any vote that comes from a Guest (Anyone who does not have a account) will not be counted in the pool. I love all of my reviewers equally, so please keep reviewing even if you don't have an account and you like my story, but it was pointed out that one person could tip the votes single-handedly and I'd never know. So, to make sure it is one vote per person and as fair as possible - I'm eliminating the guest votes. I apologize but it is a final decision and I won't be mentioning it again.**

 **Now, on to the story!**

Chapter Eight: Number Seventy Eight

Christmas music was filling the living room, the lights on the tree and the firelight was reflected in beautiful, delicate ornaments that adorned the rather handsome tree picked out by the entire Lupin household three nights ago. While an ethereal voice serenaded the house and all of us occupying it, the scent of ginger wafted from the kitchen and I knew it was Mum baking more cookies. It was the fourth batch of the night but Mum has always been one to bake when she is stressed.

I winced as I heard a loud crashing noise come from the cellar, followed quickly by a snarl of anger and a yelp of pain. My hand barely shook as I continued to take notes on the book I was currently reading, Transfiguring Talent, while I sat on the floor near the cellar door. The nights at home were always the worst because we could hear Remus' transformation, although it was muffled significantly with silencing spells, it could never totally block the sound out. I hated myself for that selfish thought, thinking it was worse for him to transform just because we could hear it - it was all terrible for him, regardless of where it happened.

With the music and distance my parents could try and pretend it wasn't happening, as if they weren't constantly thinking about it and waiting just as anxiously for the moon to lower so we could open the door. I always kept my vigil near the door because I felt like I owed it to Remus and that I honestly deserved to hear how he suffers because I couldn't protect him that night. The idea of me protecting him at a young age is preposterous but feelings are not rational.

Instead of dwelling on emotions I can't change, I turn the page of my book while wishing it was that easy to turn off one's emotions - though that might make for more than a few psychopath's running around in the world. The book I was reading was fascinating, one of many about Transfiguration I had borrowed from the library prior to leaving Hogwarts, but none of them contained what I was looking for. This book was probably the closest I had come to any information and it was something I already knew.

' _An Animagus is a witch or wizard that can turn herself or himself into an animal at will. The skill is one that is learned, instead of Hereditary like that of a Metamorphmagus, and the witch or wizard is required by Ministry law to register with the Ministry of Magic after successfully completing the transformation._

 _Regarding the Transformation: A long and arduous process, the Animagus Transformation is notoriously tricky and has the serious potential to backfire and go seriously wrong. Many witches and wizards feel it is simply not worth the time required to invest into becoming an Animagus because of the limited practical use of the skill unless one requires a disguise or needs to be concealed._

 _Animagi can only take on the form of one specific animal. The animal in question is not one that can be chosen by the witch or wizard, it is simply determined by the personality and character traits of the prospective Animagi during the transformation. Once the transformation is complete, the wizard or witch can change to and from the animal at will…'_

The book went into further detail describing some of the animals previous wizards and witches have changed into, the process and reason for the Animagus Registry, and various other things that were generally useless. The only thing that had truly gotten me excited was the sentence that said ' _Part of the process by which one becomes an Animagus is by holding the leaf of a mandrake in their mouth for an entire month, using the leaf for the creation of a potion, and reciting an incantation on a daily basis.'_

The book fails to mention any other parts of the process, what the actual incantation is that one would be required to perform, or any other relative knowledge one would need to know before actually undergoing the process to become an Animagi.

Still, I took notes regardless like the diligent and detail oriented student that I am. I was classifying the information into three categories: Directly Useful, Maybe Indirectly Useful, and Most Likely Useless. Not the most efficient system but it at least aided me in keeping the feeling that I was doing nothing to help my brother away. I had a sinking suspicion, as I kept digging to find more information, that I would need James' invisibility cloak to sneak into the restricted section in order to find out more about the process itself.

It would make sense that a book with the directions to become an Animagus would be in the Restricted Section of the library. It was, after all, a dangerous skill to attempt to learn and things have gone wrong in the past even when the witch or wizard was under careful supervision. The problem was that I wasn't even sure if James had the invisibility cloak yet. I have never actually heard him mention it, he's absolutely never used it during one of our pranks yet though I have purposefully set one up that would have been a perfect opportunity to do so.

It left a sinking feeling in my stomach to think that we would actually not complete the transformation until fifth year. I assumed, rather cockily looking back, that because of Peter's dead weight being eliminated from the equation and my added research that we may be able to get it done by the beginning of fourth year. I wasn't as confident now that I had been searching for a month and come up with one vague step of the allegedly 'long and arduous' process.

Despite my lack of progress on the Animagus front, I was developing in Occlumency quite well. I was confident I could at least notice if Dumbledore was rifling through my brain and because he would have to break my admittedly weak shield, I doubt he would actually try to search it for anything. It was a work in progress but one that I felt was developing quite nicely. With all of my research and practicing Occlumency in my free time, it was difficult to juggle anymore with classes going on. Add in the time spent planning pranks, executing aforementioned pranks, and then later reminiscing about the successful pranks as well as the three detentions we had gotten so far this year - it left with with very little free time and often wondering where exactly all of the time had gone.

Christmas break has snuck up on me, somehow, and I was glad Mum was able to take both Remus and I shopping in order for us to get something small for both Sirius and James. We had tried to instill a no gift giving rule, knowing our parents monetary situation was unstable at the best of times but it had failed to say the least. Siriu was oblivious and a little self centered, not surprising given his upbringing, and he had refused to not buy us a gift.

Granted, he had assured us it was okay not to give him one, but had not acted as though it was something we would actually do - which was entirely correct because how awful would that be?

Despite his obliviousness, Sirius was also one of the most loyal and generous people I have had the pleasure to meet in either lifetime. Understanding it was with naught but good intentions that he insisted on buying us both a present, something I think he equates with showing affection because of his parents but not a topic I was willing to broach at this stage in our friendship, Remus and I had combined our heads to come up with an idea.

We, considering we were still children and in our first year of Hogwarts, owled our parents and decided to attempt to bargain with them. We asked if we could both get one present this year and then be taken on a shopping trip to Diagon Alley in order to get both Sirius and James a gift with the money they did not spend on another gift.

They agreed, mostly because they raised us with manners and we mentioned both of our new friends were planning on getting us presents of our own, a trip to Diagon Alley was arranged for only a few days after we disembarked from the Hogwarts Express and were home once again.

I had gotten James a book, with a lot of moving pictures, about Quidditch strategy and tactics. What was pretty cool about the book was instead of a normal piece of binding on the back, it had a chalkboard covering the entire back of the book.. This was supposed to be used for planning and came with a couple of pieces of enchanted chalk which would stay on the chalkboard until the person tapped it with their wand and said the incantation to clear it.

For Sirius, I had struggled on a gift because I honestly wasn't all that sure on what to get him. I knew he wouldn't care for a book and that with his parents money, he must have most everything he would actually need. It was actually Mum who finally gave me a good idea although she did it inadvertently. She asked if I had gotten any Gryffindor things, such as a scarf or gloves, when I remembered a huge banner that Sirius would have in his room that I remember reading about in the books. I searched three stores before I found one that would sell me one but I finally ended up with a rather huge banner that was sure to annoy Mr. and Mrs. Black endlessly - which would, as a direct result, amuse Sirius a great deal while also reminding him of Hogwarts while he was home.

I was satisfied with both purchases and had carefully wrapped them in gift wrap yesterday before using the family owl to deliver them along with Remus' own presents. Christmas was in two days so I knew that both presents would be received in time to open them on Christmas day. We had exchanged a few letters amongst each other, with James inviting all of us to stay at his house on New Year's Eve, but I missed the other two a surprising amount.

James was kind of a mother hen, always fretting over all of us and making sure we were okay, which I teased him mercilessly about sometimes. Sirius on the other hand was one of those people who could tell you were in a bad mood and even though he wouldn't ask what is wrong, he'd do everything in his power to cheer you up.

They were good friends and I'm glad I was allowed to be considered one of their friends as well. They were good matches for Remus and myself, our maturity and their playfulness balancing one another out so that we all got our work done but managed to have a hell of a lot of fun as well.

"The moon is down." Dad called out, rushing from the garage where he had been working on a report due to be turned into the Ministry in a week while trying to occupy himself.

Those were the magic words that had all three of us standing in front of the cellar door with only a tiny bit of trepidation. This moment was always the worst: Would he be in better shape than the last time? How much blood would there be? Would he be conscious?

The worst thought, the one I knew for me at least, passed through my head for only a second every time right before the door creaked open. What if it was still the wolf down there and not my brother?

Dad opened the door after unlocking all of the magical restraints and my mother, a brave muggle woman who was faced with an awful situation but still managed to be there for her child even though she was as white as a ghost, picked up the hem of her skirt with one hand while the other gripped the medical supply bag.

We flocked to Remus, eyeing his battered and bloody body with concern, and I know just like every transformation we all cursed Fenrir Greyback for existing. Remus had a gash about ten centimeters long running along his side. His mouth was bleeding, most likely from biting his tongue while turning back into his human side, and I think his shoulder was dislocated. There were a couple of other bloody gashes along his side but it was hard to tell how bad they were with how black and blue his pale, still form was.

Hardening our hearts, Mum and I got to work using antiseptic to clean out the wounds as best we could, ignoring the way Remus flinched from us unconsciously as it stung the cuts. Dad used his wand to cast diagnostic spells, running through the motions and saying the incantations that were by now so familiar I imagine even Mum could do them by heart if she was capable of magic.

"This will need to be stitched." Mum said, none of the worry practically cascading out of her eyes showing through on to her face. Her jaw was set in a determined line that made me feel a shot of pride warm my gut.

She began to work without another comment, threading a needle and cutting off the extra before getting to work. I continued to do what I could: assess, clean, bandage, repeat. By now, we all worked together like a well oiled machine over the prone form of my brother. There are technically twelve point thirty seven full moons in a year. This was number seventy eight since Remus had been turned.

Remus let out an abrupt whimper of pain that instantly drew my attention, causing me to tense and reach for my wand as an almost absentminded thought, before my body relaxed as it realised what had happened. Dad had used magic to put his shoulder back in place. He was staring at me, giving me a sharp nod as our eyes met, both of our expressions grim.

After we did everything we could, Dad used the hovering charm wordlessly to lift Remus up into the air and I followed soundlessly as we walked up to his room. He laid him down gently on the bed, not making Remus' eyes even flutter as he breathed deeply in his sleep, and I sat on the chair in his room after I pulled it away from his desk and closer to the bed.

"You should get some rest." Dad advised, running a couple more diagnostic charms on Remus.

"I'm fine." I replied tersely, my book gripped in my hand. I wouldn't really relax until I saw amber eyes blinking tiredly at me, there was no point in going to bed when I wouldn't sleep.

"He wouldn't want you to worry so much. You can't set yourself on fire just so he can be warm." Dad said tiredly, running his hand through his hair and making me realize for the first time that his hair was beginning to go grey.

"Yes I can." I whispered, making him startle and look towards me while I stared at the off white sheets on Remus' bed, blinking as I felt the wetness gathering in my eyes. "I would burn a hundred times if it meant he wouldn't have to go through this. I would take the curse, I would even die to spare him the pain. I feel so helpless because there's nothing I can do to make him not suffer, so instead I sit here and wait for him because it's all I can do."

"I know, son, I know." Dad said, coming to rest his hand on my shoulder and squeezing affectionately. "Maybe one day..?"

"One day, I'm going to kill Fenrir Greyback." I vowed, as serious as a heart attack.

"Don't say things like that." Dad snapped angrily, although I knew it was only because he was afraid of the image of his eleven year old boy going to hunt a fully grown werewolf.

"Why not? He deserves it. He's a monster." I countered, crossing my arms and shrugging out of his grip at the same time as I turned to face him.

"Killing him won't solve anything." Dad said, eyes narrowing at me and my defensive posture.

"Yes it will. It will stop him from doing it again. Maybe next time he won't punish a four year old boy just because his father doesn't know when to shut his trap." I replied vehemently, the words spilling out of my mouth before I had even processed exactly what I was saying, something very unlike me.

Dad's eyes widened and he flinched back as though he had been struck, his entire posture changing from that of a rigid, determined father to a worn, beaten down man who was eaten alive with guilt every time he looked at his son.

"You know." Dad said after a long silence stretched between us, both of our eyes wide with disbelief.

"Dad, I-" I started to say but I could see the guilt and the tears gathering in his eyes, and I lowered my head in shame. I was upset, at the situation not really my dad, and I had thrown something in his face that should never have been thrown. I had meant for that, the cause of Remus being bitten, to stay between my brother and Dad.

He walked out of the room after that without another word, his footsteps sounding defeated and hesitating as they crossed the doorway from the room into the hall. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to call him back, apologize, or follow him so I did what I always did when I didn't know what to do and stayed silently by Remus' side, focusing all my attention on him.

The seventy eighth full moon was a son of a bitch.

 **A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I liked writing it! I'm a little lost on where I am taking this right now, I'm bad at middle parts and there is a decent amount of time I want to fill before my next 'point' on the outline of main events I want to include in the story, so hopefully I still have your attention and we will get to the fun parts soon! Thank you for your reviews, votes, favorites, and follows!**

 **Voting Pool Results:**

 **Sirius Black: 4 votes**

 **James Potter: 4 votes**

 **Regulus Black: 5 votes**

 **Original Character: 1 vote**

 **** As an aside for Zazg, I know you mentioned that you wanted to see Z x Sirius x Remus and then commented his own brother. I honestly don't like three-way romances (unless it's pure smut) because they are complicated to write and personally I don't think it would end well. Also, I hate writing/reading incest because I have siblings and it always makes me think of them - which is creepy as hell. So, sorry about that. Thanks for the review and input regardless!**


	9. Author's Note: Response to Guest Review

**Author's Note**

 **So, to begin my author note today, I wanted to respond to my reviewers as a whole: Thank you so much! Honestly, it's encouraging everytime I see that number of reviews go up. I love that you all are thinking about the story, interacting by voting for pairings, and just making this an enjoyable experience - it's why I love writing on this site because you can talk to readers as the story is in progress rather than once it is already finished.**

 **Next, is a response to 'Guest' who left a rather long review that I would be more than happy to respond to but I'll be doing it in letter form in the hope that it makes it more personal. I would write directly to you but you don't have an account (or at least weren't logged in when you reviewed.)**

 ****Warning, the rest of this 'chapter' is a response to the one review he left because I honestly had a long response to it. I understand if you want to skip to the next chapter (which if it is not updated will be soon). In this letter I'm posting is the most I have ever shared about my life during any story I've written but I felt I needed to say it all, so for those of you who read it - I hope you understand me, and by extension this story, a little bit better after reading it. All of my original characters (OC's) are based off various parts of my personality. They are all hugely different characters, especially as they grow within the story, but they started with a seed of myself within them and I think that it makes them all the more real, endearing, and relatable for it. That is, ultimately, for you to decide however.******

 _Dear Guest,_

 _First of all, thank you so much for reviewing and putting such thought into your words. My goal as a writer has always been to invoke some kind of emotional response with my words and I can tell I succeeded. I am not sure if you enjoyed the story or not, you didn't really specify, but I hope you did._

 _As for whether or not I realize that a character does not have to be gay to be true to themselves - absolutely, yes, I realize this. I would never want a person, fictional or otherwise, to think they have to be a certain way in order to fit an archetype. My characters have always almost taken a life on their own and I honestly try to write from their perspective._

 _On that note, it pains me to think that something during my story may have made you feel that I was indirectly or directly suggesting that a person must be gay to be true to themselves! If I gave off that impression at anytime, I implore you to provide a sample of what drove you to that conclusion so that I may study it and possibly revise those words because it is not a message I encourage or stand behind at all._

 _Now, as for why Zephyrus is gay - that would be because I think, to some extent, writers write about what they know or what they believe. My stories are like a diary and my characters each have a piece of myself in them. Zephyrus is, for all intents and purposes, a version of myself._

 _I do attempt to think logically instead of emotionally, I do put my friends and family first even though I care a great deal amount for strangers as well, and I do sometimes fall victim to hubris - it sometimes comes out in the form that I think I know what's best for someone, so I attempt to meddle in their life or offer advice. It's a character flaw, to be sure, but I believe it makes the character more real and helps me write through his perspective because it is something I also struggle with._

 _Normally, I do not give out too much personal information in these, but if you look at all of the stories that I have posted on my profile, you will notice that homosexuality is a recurring theme in almost all of them. There is a simple reason for this and it has nothing to do with me thinking they need to be some kind of hero - it's because I, myself, am a gay man._

 _Growing up, I was a bit of a loner and bullied by people my age for two reasons 1) I was always reading, which made me hard to understand because I used 'big words' and 2) because I was that gay kid._

 _I've been 'that gay kid' since the fourth grade - or, I've been called that since then. Imagine being called a name when you don't even understand what it means! It's beyond frustrating! In the eighth grade I did come out and I was much more comfortable with myself thanks to friends and family members support. However, I was still an avid reader and when I was upset or bored I would escape into whatever book I could - including fanfiction._

 _Something that I've always been disappointed about is the lack of homosexual characters in novels, movies, TV shows. I am not the stereotypical gay guy - that is, I don't like fashion, I have mostly straight guy friends, and I find more in common with men my age. I am also one hundred percent confident in who I am and for what gender I am sexually and romantically attracted to._

 _When I began to write seriously, I made it my mission to make my main characters different versions of myself for many reasons - as a form of therapy, because it sometimes lets me 'step away' from my life and look at it in a slightly more objective way. The other reason is because I remember nights where I would desperately search for a story with a gay character in it as a main character instead of a supporting one because I wanted to believe that a gay man could be just as brave, just as smart, and just as heroic as any woman or straight man. It was a struggle to find these stories, so I made them in the hope that it may inspire and fulfill a desire for someone who is like me in that regard._

 _Finally, as for the (and I don't mean to be rude but I am calling it as I see it) rather prejudiced comments about the gay people you have met in your life and some of the main characteristics you described, I may have some insight on that._

 _A lot of the gay people who are not as inclined to understand others problems is because often times they are so busy still struggling with coming to terms with their own problems! Many in the gay community, of which I am very active, have this problem for various reasons. As for caring less for humanity, I think the same can be said for any group of people who feel they are judged off of one characteristic constantly - they give up hope that anyone will ever see them as anything but the gay **Insert here**. An example is that for many years I had two best friends (two other straight guys) and we were inseparable. Every Time I was introduced by either of them, this is how it happened: "Hey, so this is my best friend *blank* and my gay friend, *blank*."_

 _Being identified for the sexual orientation I identify with did make me feel less inclined to care about humanity because sometimes it honestly seemed like they saw me not as a fellow human being, but a gay human being. A gay writer. A gay singer. A gay football player. We don't say this is my straight friend *blank* (although I am sure some probably do), so these double standards can be quite discouraging._

 _The gay people you have met are intent on forcing their views on other people - that one honestly surprised me. The LGBTQ community that I know are some of the most accepting people I know. If you've ever attended a Pride festival in America, it is one of the only places I have seen people of every gender, sexual orientation, skin color, and cultural background come together in peace in order to celebrate being free to express themselves. I'm not sure if this was the same when you met these gay people in your life, a lot can change in 72 years after all, but I'm sorry that was your experience._

 _I will say that I have known some gay people who were adamant in their opinions, passionate in expressing them, and not the most receptive of opinions that didn't match their own. I have met just as many straight men, straight women, gay women, and every other kind of person who was the exact same way._

 _That character trait has nothing to do with sexual orientation or identity - that is nature vs nurture. (Every person is usually born with a certain temperament but the environment they grow up in develops that into a personality - being gay is just one of over a dozen factors in the nurture phase, such as the amount of money you had growing up, what kind of parents you had, access to education, the materials exposed to you (certain books, television shows, etc..) and I'm afraid an unwillingness to bend or change an opinion once it is set in stone is honestly a quality a lot of American's share. Most of our country is very self-important, entitled, and opinionated. It comes with freedom of speech._

 _Finally, as far as displaying insensitivity to anyone outside of their 'group'. Once again, this can be applied to many varieties of groups, clubs, cliques, etc… I know that a lot of white people could not give a damn about what happens to minorities because it doesn't really affect them, I know a lot more straight people than gay people who would easily screw someone over if they don't know them (Although this is most likely because only a fraction of the population is gay, so by default there are a higher percentage of straight people in general.)_

 _I would even say that the reason a lot of gay people don't display sensitivity to people outside of their groups is because they are afraid to get hurt. I know that I am rather closed off at first with strangers. I am friendly, I chat easily enough about random things, but I don't give very much personal information. The reason behind this is because too often, especially when I was younger, I would be as sensitive as I could to anyone around me - it got me hurt more than once. I'm not saying people go about it the right way, nobody's perfect, but sometimes people act closed off and like they don't care in order to avoid getting hurt. It's a form of self defense, protecting scars that you may not be able to see._

 _Now, as far as that being your opinion on gay people in general? It makes me sad because that is not all there is to me or many of the gay friends I have. I volunteer at battered women's shelters in my free time, I collect the extra food from restaurants when they are closing down for the night so I can pass it out in my city at the homeless shelter. I collect as many cans from everyone I know so I can get money by donating them to a recycling plant, and then I donate that money to this wonderful program that helps buy every child in my city one book a month._

 _I'm not saying I am a hero, that I deserve to be a hero in someone's story, but I do believe that I deserve to be represented just as much as any other person does. I am gay because I enjoy having sexual intercourse with men, not because I fit any of the characteristics that you mentioned. As far as a lot of writers thinking anyone who is gay deserving to be the hero of a story, maybe it's not that they think they deserve it - maybe it's because it's what the writer wants._

 _I'm glad you could identify with characters in a novel - I had an extremely hard time doing that growing up. I seemed to identify with the female characters the most but I never understood why - I didn't like dresses, I wanted to fight with swords, I wanted to be a knight. However, I didn't want to rescue some princess - I wanted to fight side by side with a knight, rescue him as much as he rescued me, and there aren't enough stories out there that helped me feel comfortable with who I am as a person and the role I want to play._

 _I'm proud of how far along my generation has come since your's has over the years - LGBT is more accepted now than ever, you see it more on TV, in Media, and in stories. It makes me feel like I'm not an outsider in my own world, just another character with a different background story to make it a little more interesting. In my life, in my story, as selfish as it may sound and with as much as I help people, the story does revolve around me because I am the one factor that doesn't go away. ( I can try to look through another person's perspective but my perspective will still be biased by things that are fundamentally ME.)_

 _Think of it like this, why do you consider Zephyrus the main character of Limerence? I consider him to be the main character because it is in his point of view, much in the same way that my life is in my own point of view._

 _To surmise this incredibly long winded letter, it's not that I feel like the character deserves to be a hero because he is gay - it's because I am gay and I think I deserve the chance to be a hero just as much as any other person in this world, that I deserve to not be characterized and have another person's preconceived ideas of me identify who I am._

 _So maybe the stories you are reading are the same way Maybe they just want to be recognized for something other than being gay, even though it is a defining factor, they don't want to be the gay hero. Just a Hero._

 _I'm not sure if people often called you gay or assumed you were because you were a self-proclaimed "musically talented man of small stature." I know that some of my straight friends deal with that because they hang around gay people, because they dress or talk in certain ways, or because of physical characteristics that don't add up to the traditional image of a 'Straight Man'._

 _I hope you read this letter, because I have questions for you as well._

 _Do you think that you are projecting that people associated your stature and musical talents with homosexuality onto my story, resulting in you thinking that just because a gay character may share some of these characteristics or traits that they MUST be gay?_

 _If that is the case, why are you continuing the cycle of judgement by making assumptions about an entire community of people based on a few that you have met?_

 _Never judge a book by it's cover. Being gay, being short, being artistic, talking with a lisp, being straight, dressing in tight clothing, painting your nails - all of these are just parts of people. There is no one defining personality or physical trait that defines gay people just like there is no defining trait for girls or straight guys._

 _Do all straight guys like football, are they all insensitive, terrible at fashion, and like to drink beer?_

 _Are all girls obsessed with shopping, do they always take forever to get ready, and hate to get their hands dirty?_

 _Do all gay people talk like a lisp or in a feminine way, are all gay people really neat (if you saw my room you'd know why that one was funny, it's a wreck constantly), and do all gay people want to turn everyone around them gay?_

 _Do all old people hate the younger generation? Do all old people want to move to Florida? Do all old people talk too much?_

 _I think you should try to meet some more gay people, throw your preconceived notions out of the window, and dig a little deeper instead of just skimming the surface. You'll be surprised by what you find._

 _If there is one thing I have learned in all of MY years, it's that people rarely do things or act a certain way without a reason. People are hard to classify and they especially don't like to be put into boxes with labels on them, even if it is easier to do it that way than actually digging deeper to recognize everyone has just as much to themselves as you and I do._

 _Walk a mile in their shoes - it is only after you have laughed with someone, cried with them, loved with them, and opened up to them that you will get a good look at who they are._

 _Even then, people are not linear beings - we are constantly changing from interactions, things we learn, people we meet._

 _As for checking out the Kent Family Chronicles, I may just do that but I honestly doubt it._

 _I'm happy with the way I am._

 _I love the books I'm reading at the moment._

 _I love the stories I'm writing._

 _I love the man I fall asleep to every night._

 _I am proud of what I do with the time that is been given to me._

 _I help strangers, I help friends, I help family._

 _I learn as much as I can._

 _I keep an open mind._

 _I live every day like it is an adventure._

 _I hope this has helped you understand me and my story a little better and_ _I wish you all the best in the world and hope you discover something you never knew that you didn't know about another person. I've said everything I am willing to say on the matter, though I will read your response if you so choose to respond with one, but I have taken enough of my time, your time, and my reader's time getting off topic discussing a topic that is, while one I am passionate about, completely irrelevant._

 _ **~Christian (Rache)**_

 _ **P.S. Any reader besides the Guest, who have made it this far, I will be posting the next chapter to the story within the next twelve hours. As you may be able to tell, I got a little distracted but I am not back on track.**_


	10. Chapter 9: Ghosts and Memories Linger

Chapter Nine: Ghosts and Memories Linger Here

My head felt as heavy as an anchor cushioned by a cloud, if that kind of thing is even possible. You never know with magic, stranger things have absolutely happened. I blinked my eyes to get the sleep out of them, groggily lifting my head and grimacing a little as I felt off white sheets peel off of my skin. I had been drooling in my sleep. Classy.

"I don't know why they bother to get you your own bed now that we are at Hogwarts most of the year anyway." I heard a weary voice comment, the noise of a paper being turned soon after. My face whipped around, the smile already beginning to grow, and was beaming as soon as my jade eyes met the amber orbs of my twin. "Have you even spent a night in your own bed since we've been back or is it always mine!"

I huffed indignantly, my mind quickly scanning over every night that we had been home from Hogwarts. I allowed a smug smirk to settle on my dry lips, flicking my tongue out to wet them quickly before responding. "Actually, ther-"

"Those two nights don't count." Remus said dismissively, his eyes already back to scanning a copy of The Daily Prophet that was perched on his lap. "The third night we were here we made a pillow fort, of course we slept in the living room. Last night I know you didn't sleep until your head hit my pillow."

My eyes narrowed and I grunted in response. Sometimes I really hated this twin, magic crap. Especially when said twin was smart and had a good memory as well. I miss the days when I could rub it in his face that I destroyed him in Chess and all the memory games Mum would make us play. I snorted at that thought, remembering fondly what she always said as I eyed Remus doing the crossword puzzle.

Remus glanced up, quirking an eyebrow to silently ask me what had amused me, but I merely shifted my gaze from his and then down to his crossword puzzle. It made me feel slightly better when a crease formed between his eyebrows, obviously not understanding what I meant, and making me feel better for not ALWAYS being predictable.

"The mind is a muscle, boys.." I all but sang out mischievously, trailing off as his eyes widened in recognition of the saying.

"It requires constant exercise and a healthy diet to maintain like every other part of the body." Remus finished in his best 'Professor' voice. (It was also the same voice I imagined he would use when he actually did become a teacher, just slightly higher pitched until he hit puberty.)

We both laughed, the sound filling up the rather shabby room filled with secondhand furniture. Mum always called it 'well-loved' but neither Remus nor I cared much for possessions anyway. Well, except books - books were obviously sacred. My eyes scanned the otherwise empty room, lingering on the tray of half finished food and sending Remus a pointed look that he promptly ignored. He never finished breakfast the day after a transformation, he said his stomach was flipping too much to handle a lot of food. With how skinny Remus is though, I doubt he could miss any more meals than he naturally did, so I gave him my best dead stare. The one that told him I wasn't backing down.

"You're worst than Mum." Remus grumbled, half heartedly picking up a piece of toast and taking a bite out of it. He chewed it slowly, making exaggerated noises of contentment the entire time, but I was too smug to even acknowledge his sarcasm.

Remus looked significantly better than he had last night. I'd be willing to be walking around would suck for awhile, with that gash on his side, but the color had returned to his , I was content with his condition - I had seen Full Moon's that treated him a hell of a lot worse. Once Remus swallowed his food, his face suddenly got serious, and he turned ever so slightly to face me while setting the newspaper to the side of his leg.

"What happened, 'Phy?" Remus asked seriously, curiosity and confusion shining like beacons out of the amber eyes I knew so well.

"Well, Mum made cookies and I finally finished another Transfiguration book. I was thinking of studying Gobbledegook for the rest of the break, what do you think?" I asked, knowingly avoiding the topic he actually had meant.

"Zephyrus. What happened with you and Dad?" Remus asked again, more specific with his word choice and enunciating the words clearly to the point that it sounded like he was talking to an idiot.

"Just a fight, Rem. No big deal." I dismissed casually, waving it off with one hand but glancing up to watch his face.

Remus definitely could tell I wasn't telling him everything and he definitely had a hurt expression on his face that instantly had my gut churning with guilt. I did what I always do and weighed the Pro's and Cons, ignoring the voice in the back of my head that said I already knew I would tell him. When have I ever been able to resist him, after all. The Lycan had wormed his way into my heart faster than James could say Quidditch.

Pros for not telling him: He wouldn't give me the disappointed look I knew would come with the revelation, I could keep pretending everything was normal instead of worrying about drama, and I wouldn't have to apologize to my dad.

Cons: I'd probably never apologize to Dad, making our relationship suck for the rest of our lives. Remus would be even more curious and nosey if I didn't tell him, possibly injuring himself by investigating before he was properly healed. There would be a higher chance Mum would find out, if she didn't already know, which would make me feel even worse.

Ergh. Bloody hell.

"Dad and I got into an argument." I said carefully, unsure how much Dad had actually revealed to Remus. No matter what, I wasn't going to be spilling the beans on that secret, if Dad never got the guts to tell him then it would go to the grave.

"About?" Remus asked warily, allowing his eyes to flutter shut in preparation for what he knew was coming.

After all, I rarely fought with anyone. Argued? Yes, frequently. Debated? Absolutely, daily most of the time. It was a rare occurrence when I actually got into a fight. The difference between those three things? Debating was almost purely logical, arguing was based in logic with passion imbued. Arguing was just a passionate clash of words between two emotionally distraught parties. There was really only one thing, that anyone truly knew of, that would get me to argue no holds barred.

"You." I answered, lowering my eyes to the mattress and tracing out the infinity symbol with my pointer finger as I felt the weight of his gaze.

"I love you." Remus sighed, my head snapping up at the words just in time to see his shoulders drop and see how really exhausted he was. "I'm sure you did what you thought was right but you need to apologize for whatever you said. We're family, 'Phy, all of us."

"I-" I started to protest but the words got caught in my throat, thinking about how a debate with Remus on whether or not to apologize to Dad would only delay him resting for longer. Not to mention, with him worrying about the strain between the two of us, he wouldn't get much sleep. Now it was my turn for my shoulders to slump, running my hands through my hair warily and mockingly glaring at him. "Why are you always right about this stuff, y'know?"

"My running theory is we that there are tubes that feed actual intelligence and emotional awareness. For some reason, I think there was a kink in your emotional awareness tube which led to freakish amounts of regular intelligence." Remus deadpanned, not even the smallest twitch of his lips betraying him.

"Rude." I snorted, smiling enough to show a few of my teeth. I slid off of his mattress, pressing my hands down the casual dark green cloak I wore over a simple tunic and T-shirt. It was actually my favorite piece of clothing - the original fabric was a dark, forest green but since it had gotten a lot of use it's been patched up a few times. The patches were the same color of my eyes, instead of the darker green, and I thought it gave an overall cool effect - kind of homeless wizard meets fashionable hippy. "Would it make you feel better if I go apologize now, y'know?"

"Woul-" Remus eyes widened, not having expected me to give in so easy in regards to our Dad but I'll admit to having an ulterior motive. Well, besides making sure he won't stress so much he can't sleep and ends up getting those wounds infected. Oh no, as soon as my brothers mouth had opened in disbelief and started to form whatever words, I grabbed two pieces of syrupy bacon and crammed them into his mouth.

"Chew!" I commanded, smirking widely as my sticky fingers held his mouth shut.

Giving my fingers a disgusted look before adopting one of clear resignation, Remus chewed the food and looked at me expectantly when he was finished, having swallowed the last of the morsel. I gave him a suspicious look, miming that he open his mouth, before nodding in satisfaction when I saw that he really had eaten it.

I chuckled quietly under my breath as I left, making a quick stop in the loo in order to wash the syrup off of my hands. After running my hands under the warm water, I flicked the excess water off of them before grabbing a towel to dry them off. I looked up at the mirror and grimaced a little at the sight in front of me.

My clothes were disheveled, although not too terribly, and my brown-blonde hair was looking limp and unwashed. It had been in the normal spiky style prior to me falling asleep but I must have moved around a lot because it was now reminiscent of a bowl cut. There were dark circles under my eyes, making me look even more pale than I normally did. All in all, I looked way too exhausted to only be eleven years old.

Sometimes I wish I would have just been born someone unimportant, just another wizard who could run amok with his wand instead of constantly adjusting, fine tuning, and adding more detail to a plan to take down the most notorious Dark Lord in my (this body's?) lifetime. Oh, not to mention that besides tracking all of his horcruxes, destroying them, and finally killing the snake face freak himself, I simultaneously need to avoid detection by Death Eaters, The Ministry, and The Order of the Phoenix because if any of the interested parties gets access to my knowledge, we are all screwed.

Oh wait! There IS more! I also have to make sure my brother's friends don't all die, who admittedly are also my friends, worry about when exactly my Mum is going to die because I know she wasn't alive in the Harry Potter books, and figure out how to do all of this before October 31, 1981.

I let out a shuddering breath, hearing it crack halfway through breathing out. Frustratingly I let the rest of the air out of my mouth in one puff, gripping the counter tops of the sink with my hands like it was a lifeline, holding on for dear life without actually knowing what I was holding on to.

Suddenly the image of a familiar face comes to mind and I glance back into the mirror, stumbling back in shock and probably would have landed on my backside if my hands had not been holding on to the sink. Warm, chocolate brown eyes that held nothing but love and encouragement inside of them were on a tanned face framed by dark, shoulder length brown hair. I leaned forward slowly, my mind slowly recognizing the figure on the other side of the mirror, and my breath caught when the darker skinned woman smiled. Her slightly crooked teeth took absolutely nothing away from her appearance and her skin seemed glowing with pride, happiness, and self-assurance.

"Remember what we say?" the woman asked, the lilt to her voice achingly familiar in such a distant way that made my head hurt when I tried to concentrate on the thought too much. "Logic first. Approach clinically. Compassion is okay but not always appropriate. Make a list of pro's and cons. Then what do we do?"

"We-" I choked up, one hand reaching up to rub my eyes and see if I was hallucinating or possibly still dreaming. "We set g-goals."

"That's right." She encouraged, raising her own hand towards the mirror as though to reach out and touch me. "We'll say it together, it's okay."

"We set goals. We stay quiet about them." Our voices said in unison, the strong lilt in hers making my own grow stronger with every syllable I uttered, both of our hands reaching closer and closer to the mirror. "Then we smash the shit out of those goals. Finally, you clap for your damn self."

"Then what do we do, M_?" She asked, her smile growing bigger. Our hands were only an inch apart… a few centimeters...

"Come on, 'Phy! I need to wash this crap off my face. Besides, you promised." Remus complained, knocking on the door and making me jump around to stare at the wooden door out of shock.

I almost gave myself whiplash when I turned my head back around to the mirror, my hand still outstretched, and my face fell as I saw my own reflection staring back out at me, one hand raised only centimeters from the mirror's surface. I sucked in a breath, this one much more controlled, and finally connected my hand to the mirror in an anticlimactic move. Nothing happened, of course, and I let out the breath with a wistful sigh, watching my hand slowly trail down the mirror until falling off completely to rest at my side again.

"Then we repeat, Mom. We repeat." I murmured, staring contemplatively at the mirror for another second before spinning on my heel and walking over to the door to let Remus in.

"You are going to tal- What's wrong with you?" Remus asked as soon as the door opened, his eyes darting to various points of my face.

"Uh, nothing. Bathroom's free." I said absently, shifting myself to the side so I could slip my Remus and head down the hallway. I only made it one step before I felt an arm wrap around my bicep, holding me in place gently.

"Hey, 'Phy, come on… Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost?" Remus asked, the worried tone his voice was carrying causing the joke to fall flat.

"W-what did you say?" I asked, looking up at him sharply when he said the word ghost. This only seemed to confuse Remus even more because he frowned at me instead of answering.

"What's going on?" Remus asked quietly, moving a little closer.

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts and getting myself back on track. I forced first my face and then my body to relax, sending him a small smile that instantly smoothed out the concerned crease in his forehead. "Just a lot in my head and nervous to talk to Dad, I guess. I'll be fine."

Remus nodded slowly, his eyes still watching my face as if he was waiting for me to crack, but I just playfully shook him off, gesturing to the bathroom in a grandiose manner. "I'm fine, Remus, I've just been studying too much. I'll take the day off, talk to Dad, and get some sleep.

"Alright then. Want the shower next?" Remus asked innocently, making my smile turn into a slight scowl instantly. Remus always used all the hot water.

"Yeah, actually, but I have to talk to Dad first." I responded, rolling my eyes and lifting a hand up in goodbye as I walked away. "Save some damn hot water."

"Yeah, yeah." Remus grumbled, shutting the door and making me huff with laughter as I started walking down the stairs. I could hear Mum bustling around in the kitchen, making breakfast most likely, but when I poked my head into the room Dad was not in there. A typical morning routine for the Lupins would have Mum making breakfast while Dad drank a cup of coffee followed directly after with orange juice.

"Where's Dad?" I asked, hoping the nervousness I felt wasn't being communicated through my voice.

Mum was barely paying any attention, concentrating on cooking bacon, eggs, toast, and sausage all at once. I heard her mutter something about how he said he was going to get some fresh air before I lost her attention completely. Nodding slowly to myself, I walked through the kitchen door and into the living room where there was a sliding glass door to the backyard. As I approached the see through door, I could see my Dad's slightly hunched back facing out towards the woods behind our house. Deciding it would be best to get it over with, like a band-aid I told myself, I steeled my resolve and opened the back door.

Dad didn't turn around but I knew he had heard the door opening and then closing a moment later because of the way his shoulders tensed. I didn't say anything, coming to stand beside him silently with my hands stuffed casually into my trouser pockets. It was a beautiful morning; freshly fallen snow covered the yard and the trees like something straight out of one of the storybooks Mum used to read Remus and I. No footsteps had disturbed the white, powdery substance covering the ground and everything seemed so... Fragile.

"I remember the day we brought you two boys home." Dad said suddenly, shattering the silence with his voice's low timbre. "It had snowed the night before, just like this, and I remember walking from the front door with your mother, each of you in one of our arms, and staring out at how peaceful everything looked. I told Lyla that day that I could die a happy man if we could keep this feeling forever."

"Nothing lasts forever." I said softly, frowning as I looked out onto the landscape surrounding us and thought of a beautiful brown haired woman with a smile that showed her crooked teeth.

"That's very true, son." Dad agreed, turning a little to get a better look at me. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, feel his appraising gaze as he looked over my features, but I kept my gaze straight ahead for a reason I honestly couldn't explain even if I wanted to. "Can I tell you something I never thought I would tell you? Something that I am embarrassed to admit?"

"Anything, Dad." I said instantly, turning to him and quirking my lips in a smile. "We're Lupins. Family no matter what."

"Yeah, family." Dad said wistfully, toeing the concrete he was standing on with his boot in an uncharacteristic display of nervousness. "Honestly son, sometimes you intimidate me."

"What?" I spluttered, looking at him in disbelief. How was I intimidating?

"I'm not sure what it is." Dad said in response, shrugging his shoulders almost bashfully. "You always have this look in your eye - like you've seen things nobody else has or should see. Not even Rem has that kind of look in his eyes, although I think he would if it wasn't for you watching his back all the time. It's that look and it's the way you carry yourself, the way you speak - like you're already an adult. I've just never known what to do with you. What kind of lessons could I teach you?"

"Dad, it's not like that, y'know?" I said, feeling my face heat up a little while my mind raced to find the proper words. "We all take care of Remus and you teach me plenty. I-"

I stopped for a moment, letting out a deep breath, and glanced at my father who was waiting patiently to find the words I was looking for.

"I know I probably wasn't easy to raise. I've always been a little too smart, understand a little too much, I can see how that would freak someone out. I always loved you and Mum because you didn't treat me like a little kid." I admitted, smiling to myself as my eyes wandered back to observe the snow laden trees. "Sometimes my brain works so much I don't even know how to deal with myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is, in my mind, you guys did a great job. You taught me love, patience, respect, and integrity - those aren't things that you can just know. You taught us through lessons and led us by exemplifying them yourselves."

"The day that Remus was bitten, part of me was scared that we were going to have to leave you guys." I said shakily, letting out a nervous breath as I caught the intense look my father was giving me. "I knew werewolves were bad, I had heard you and Mum talking about Greyback in the kitchen after the trial before that night. You called them monsters, so I thought you might get rid of Remus. I-I would follow Remus anywhere, so I thought we might be leaving."

"We would never." Dad said, sounding appalled and disgusted at even the thought of doing something so terrible. As if people didn't give up their children for worst reasons every day.

"I know, Dad. I know. That's why I love you, Mum, and I'll always love Remus because he is literally half of me it feels like." I said, the words coming to my mind faster than I could process but I was sure they were the right ones so, for once, I didn't over analyze them. "I know you guys have done the best you could, are doing the best you can, and will keep doing everything you can in the future. I know that, Dad."

"I wanted to come out and talk to you because of what I said the other night - about how Greyback should be stopped so it doesn't happen to another kid. I still stand by that and I'm not sure if I'll be the one to do it or not." I said, watching his shoulders tighten almost painfully as I continued speaking. I turned to face him, reaching up to grip his forearm in my significantly smaller hand, and put as much love and acceptance as I could into my smile. "I want you to know that the night Remus got bitten - that was no one's fault except Greyback. You did what you thought was right, you always do, and there is no way you could've predicted he would react like that. Only a monster would do something so terrible. I know you blame yourself but I want you to stop. If you need forgiveness, I'll give you that. You're forgiven, Dad."

Suddenly I was wrapped up into a tight embrace and my nose was filled with the scent of cedar, smoke, and some kind of boot polish - it smelled like Dad. It smelled like home. We stood there together until we heard Mum calling us into the house for breakfast, yelling about how it would be getting cold, and I stepped away from Dad carefully. I looked the other way respectfully and pretended not to notice as he wiped the moisture from his eyes. After he had composed himself, Dad started to head indoors but just as his hand reached the door handle I remembered something else I wanted to tell him - something that may not go over as well as the rest of the conversation had so far.

"Hey, Dad." I said, making him turn to me with a questioning noise and raised eyebrow.

"You have to tell Remus." I said carefully, barely keeping the wince off of my face as I watched a lot of the color drain from his. "He deserves to know. I-If you don't tell him by the time we graduate Hogwarts, I'm going to. I think he'd much rather hear it from you though."

Leaving my Dad to consider what I had said, I brushed past him and entered the warm house with my thoughts swirling in what had become typical ever since I had been plotting to change events. I put the conversation to the back of my mind, put whatever had happened in the bathroom to the back of my mind, and simply smiled ear to ear at Mum and Remus as I took my seat. It smelled amazing and it was good to have all of us at the table together again. Dad followed me in only a minute afterwards and we gave each other an understanding nod - one which I took to mean that he would be telling him before the deadline I had given.

Christmas was tomorrow, the Full Moon was behind us and wouldn't return for another month, and we had an amazing spread of food to be thankful for laid out in front of us. These are the moments I cherish the most, the moments I'll look back on and nostalgically smile about how simple everything used to be.

Without another thought, I tucked into the breakfast made by my Mum and groaned in appreciation through my mouthful of eggs, making the other occupants of the table chuckle happily.

 **A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! I know someone requested an exchange between Z and his Dad, so here that is, and the next chapter will be up pretty soon! Review, Favorite, Follow! Enjoy!**

 **Love,**

 **~Rache**


	11. Chapter 10: Broken Vases and Dark Horses

Chapter Ten: Broken Vases, Dark Horse in Disguise, and Zoanthropy

My bleary eyes blinked rapidly, trying and failing to keep them fully open. Dad was basically snoring on the other side of the couch with his coffee leaning precariously in his relaxed hand, Mum still had pink curlers in her hair that matched her robe perfectly. Remus, the only one of us fully awake at this ungodly hour, was sitting on the floor in front of the tree with a grin that reminded me briefly of the Cheshire Cat from _Alice Through The Looking Glass._

"Dad, you first!" Remus chirps out, gently tossing the gift towards our father.

"Fuck! Merlin!" Dad yelled, standing up without paying a lick of attention to the gift which had fallen on the floor. I covered my mouth, muffling the sound of my laughter as Dad hopped around as his face slowly grew more red.

"I'm so sorry, Dad!" Remus apologized, guilt written all over his face as he watched our father patting down his pajama pants with some napkins Mum had provided. Once I had enough control of myself I knew I wouldn't burst into laughter is when I remembered a very important fact.

"Dad, just use your wand." I suggested incredulously, surprised none of us had mentioned it before for whatever reason. Sheepishly withdrawing his wand from his shirt pocket, Dad cast a quick drying charm followed by a cleaning one to remove the coffee stain.

"Thanks, Zephyrus." Dad told me gratefully, sitting back down in the same seat he had previously occupied before the invasion of the colorful, flying christmas gift. I shot Remus, whose ears were still red from embarrassment, but my attention was quickly directed back towards Dad when I heard the sound of wrapping paper being torn.

Dad's gift from Remus and I was a new wand holster as well as a book on Poltergeists he had been interested in getting a few weeks ago. His face lit up as beamed at both of us, quickly getting to his feet and enveloping us into a bear hug. Dad kissed our foreheads one at a time after he had loosened his grip once again. "Merry Christmas, boys. Thank you, I love you and the amazing presents."

I felt a warm feeling settle in my stomach at hearing the words from Dad, although the pessimistic side said he would have said that even if we got him a trashcan. I was contemplating how you could wrap a trash can as a present, without magic or making it look obviously like a garbage can, that I was almost hit in the face by a green and red blur. Looking slightly behind me, I eyed the colorful Christmas gift before scowling at Remus. He had absolutely done that on person.

"That one is from Sirius! Mine is from James, open them together?" Remus confirmed as an afterthought and I shrugged because this is how we had always done it, why change?

I carefully unwrapped my present though still quickly enough that the paper ripped. When I opened the box underneath the wrapping paper, I let out an astonished gasp as I examined the present Sirius had gotten me. It was one of the most beautiful and thoughtful gives I had ever seen, which was ironic because I always thought Sirius was the 'buy you a gift card' kind of guy.

"What is it?" Remus asked curiously, craning his neck from where he was sitting and wearing one of the presents from James, which was a beige sweater that fit nicely on Remus. It made him look a lot more dapper than any of the clothes we owned currently did, except what we consider our 'fancy' clothes. Remus had also tugged a Gryffindor Red and Gold hat on top of his head while one hand was placed protectively on top of a cookie tin.

"It's a Wizard's Chess set." I replied, my attention being brought back to the awesome present and my voice filled with awe. "This is absolutely amazing."

Remus snorted, quickly turning it into a cough after Mum scowled at him. I picked up the Red King, examining the detail involved, from the long beard and tilted hat covered in yellow stars to the perfectly shaped half-moon spectacles perched on the King's slightly crooked nose.

"What's so great about a chess set?" Remus asked, picking himself up from the ground and most likely unable to restrain his curiosity any longer.

"Sirius made these! Look, the Gryffindor King is Dumbledore!" I exclaimed, handing the chess piece that showed exemplary craftsmanship. I would have never guessed that Sirius could even draw like this! A dark horse disguised as a dog, since a dark horse is someone with a talent unknown to the masses and he would eventually become a Grim Animagus? It kept getting better as I examined each piece in turn - James and Sirius were both knights, Remus and I were Bishops, McGonagall was Queen, Lily Evans and one other girl I forgot the name of were the two castles. The pawns were mismatched - one was a red house elf, the other a yellow house elf, some students I didn't recognize, a couple of pets I had seen around the Gryffindor tower.

I looked at the other set while Remus picked through the Gryffindor's I had finished a moment ago, both of us exclaiming as we showed one another the really cool or interesting ones. It didn't surprise me a bit that the other side was Slytherin, with what I would guess is Grindelwald as the king. Slughorn was the queen and the rest were people I knew only from passing them in the hallways. I have a sneaking suspicion the blonde haired bishop with long hair and the other bishop was none other than Severus Snape, who Sirius had paid special attention to. He had even made his hair appear constantly greasy.

"This is pretty wicked and I don't even like chess." Remus admits, pulling the board all of the way out of the box. The chess board was actually Hogwarts - Well, bits and pieces of it. We could see Hagrid's hut, the Quidditch Pitch, Whomping Willow, and the Clocktower. I rubbed my eyes to get the small amount of moisture out of them before I actually cried over Sirius' gift. I would never hear the end of.

"Yeah, it's amazing. I'm kind of speechless right now." I agreed, still a tiny bit dazed from imagining how much time (even with magic) it would take to go into as much detail as he did. It made my gift feel less than adequate and I knew that I would have to do better for his birthday at least.

The rest of Christmas morning went fairly usual - I got books from James, one called _Defense Against the Dark Arts: Outside of the Classroom_ and the other was actually a notepad for me to jot things down from time to time. The cool thing about the notepad was that it never ran out of pages.

Mum and Dad got us new clothes, two galleons each for spending money or to save it if we wanted. We each also got one book each which I had eagerly added to the top of my growing stack on the side table. The book was called _An Animagus Autobiography: Getting In Touch With My Wild Side_ by Wayne Altbrighton. I had to restrain myself from whooping loudly, crushing Remus in a hug after getting both Mum and Dad, and moon walking out of the room as I opened the first page of the book.

I had asked Dad if he knew anyone at work who was an Animagus so I could ask them a couple of questions for a research project. I had written a couple of questions down, not wanting to overwhelm either the man being asked or my own father. The answers were delivered quite promptly and it helped me eliminate unreliable sources from my list of information.

"Tyler Crawford said you might like that book." Dad said, obviously having been watching me as I had unwrapped it. My fingers twitched, already eager to begin flipping the pages of the book to find out what I needed to start on. Dad looked over to watch Remus finish getting his wrapping paper off the box but he was still speaking to me. "He said it was one of the most reliable and factual accountings about undergoing the transformation. Obviously it doesn't tell you how to do it but a lot of what to expect, how to find someone to monitor certain periods. He assured me you'd like it."

I deflated a little when I realized that this was not, in fact, going to be the key to becoming an Animagus. I quickly fixed the smile back on my face, forcing myself to feel as well as look grateful instead of disappointed. It would still be a great wealth of knowledge, I was sure, so I was going to absolutely still read it front to back before school starts. It did make me wonder when I became the kind of person who jumps to such optimistic conclusions without any sort of fact to back up the 'intuitive leap'. It made me scowl slightly, thinking about the ugly feeling of disappointment, but I was distracted by something being placed over my entire head - like a bag or a sack.

The world was plunged into darkness and I was unable to even see what color the object on my head was - although, I would bet (as an intuitive leap not a guess) that it was Gryffindor colors. Honestly, the only House that had as much pride in themselves as Gryffindors were maybe the Hufflepuffs. Even the 'Puffs were always more about supporting each other and their time than actually just displaying how openly they adored the House they were sorted into. I yanked the hat off of my head, not caring how much it made my hair look like a rat's nest, and then proceeded to chase Remus throughout the house. I was going to tickle the bloody hell out of him - or should I say the piss out of him, because I wasn't letting him go until he apologizes for scaring me and throwing a hat on my head, Not to mention opening my present from James.

"NO, 'PHY, N-"

' _CRASH'_

"WHICH ONE OF YOU IDIOTS BROKE MY VASE?" Mum screeched from somewhere in the kitchen, making me hesitate for a moment. When I stopped I could hear Remus breathing heavily around the corner from me.

"Oh bloody hell." Remus groaned in dismay, looking at the shards that once made up a vase our Great Aunt had made. Remus saw me turning the corner, took one look at the murderous intent being broadcasted by my face, and promptly turned around to run away.

"COME BACK HERE COWARD!"

"Not bloody likely!"

"AGH!"

"Uuf."

"I wish I could use magic but my good ol' hands will have to do it this time." I said, sadistically looking down at Remus fro where I was straddling him in the doorway between the entrance room and dining room.

"Plea-" Remus started, eyes going wide to attempt to make me pity him but I was well past that point now. Not after that chase.

"O-OH! B-LOOOODY, PLEASE STOP!"

"Apologize!"

"I-Hahahahaha" Remus tried to force out, unable to because of my fingers digging into his sides mercilessly. He was bucking his hips to try to throw me off of him and his eyes were wide, panicked, and pleading all at the same time. Finally Remus gasped out an apology, which I made him elaborate on, and he only said for the hat. So the tickling continued.

"MERLIN NO, 'PHY YOU HAVE TO STOP NOW I'M GON-"

"Ugh, Bloody Hell Remus! I can't believe you peed yourself on Mum's hardwood floors!"

"REMUS JOHN LUPIN, WHAT DID I JUST HEAR YOUR BROTHER SAY?"

People said forgive and forget was the mature, responsible, and adult thing to do - and I can agree that sometimes it is the best policy. Times like these? No way. Revenge is best served piping hot and with front row tickets to the rest of the show.

* * *

"Zeph! Rem!" I heard right before being glomped from behind, my brain taking a moment to get over the initial shock of impact to recognize the voice belonged to Sirius.

"Hey Sirius. Good holidays?" Remus asked, smoothing out his jacket reflexively as Sirius backed away from us a little.

Sirius twisted his face into one of over exaggerated disgust, although it was most likely well deserved from what I remember reading about his home life in the books. Sirius glanced behind his shoulder towards two adults standing a good distance away and apart from anyone else on the platform. They had dark hair, aristocratic features, and haughty expressions as they calmly observed their surroundings.

"I was grounded for most of it. For making trouble at school was the official excuse but dear old Mum let it slip that she was really punishing me for ending up in Gryffindor." Sirius explained in low tones, understandably not wanting to be overheard.

"That's rubbish! You don't pick the house!" Remus exclaimed, causing a few people to look over and Sirius to give him a chiding look. My lips, which had been downturned into a frown at hearing how Sirius was being treated for something out of his control, twitched in amusement for a brief second as I pondered how backwards it was to see Sirius giving anyone a reprimanding look.

"As if they care." Sirius scoffed, rolling his eyes and trying to act nonchalant about it. I'm not sure if I was good at reading him or just knew from my knowledge on how his future self felt about his parents, but I think he was hiding how much it hurts. I mean, since the sorting hat used defining character traits to sort the students, it was almost as though they were saying they didn't accept him for who he was - that he should change himself to fit their ideal image of who he should be.

I lurched forward, not really giving much thought into what I was doing, wrapped my arms around Sirius, and gave him a firm squeeze. He tensed at first but eventually relaxed, putting his arms around me and tightening them for a moment.

"Thank you for the Christmas gift, it was brilliant." I told him honestly, smiling when I saw the proud and happy glint in his eye. This was the Sirius that I knew, the one who was happy and confident in himself.

"Well, I am pretty awesome." Sirius said, putting on a posh voice and making Remus and I laugh. Sirius glanced back again at his parents and saw his Mum, Walburga Black in the flesh, giving him a pointed look. He turned back around with an annoyed expression on his face, shrugging his shoulders a little. "I gotta go say bye to the family. You know, for appearances."

"We'll save you a seat." I told him apologetically, instantly knowing he didn't want us around while he was dealing with his family.

Sirius nodded in a show of silent thanks before heading back over to his family while Remus and I headed towards the train to claim a compartment and load up our trunks. Once we found one that was empty, we settled in and kept an eye out for the other pair of our awesome quartet. It didn't take long for Sirius to ditch his family and the three of us shared stories about the holidays while waiting for James to show - who was constantly late.

True to form, five minutes before the Hogwart's Express was due to leave, James arrived at our compartment out of breath with a red face. He struggled to lift the heavy trunk into the storage area before Sirius took mercy on him and helped him lift it the rest of the way. I watched in amusement as James all but collapsed into his seat.

We had a good time catching up and barely noticed as the train began the long journey to Hogwarts, glad to be reunited once again and excited to be able to legally do magic as well. After a couple hours, when there was a lull in the conversation, I brought out the book I was reading about Animagi and flipped to where I had left off. I tuned out the conversation of the other occupants, absorbed completely in the writing.

"Zeph, what is that?" Sirius asked loudly, poking me in the side. I didn't stop reading or reply verbally, simply lifting the book from my lap so he could read the title.

"It would be so cool to turn into an animal." Sirius said, throwing himself back into his seat. I saw James eyes flick to Remus as he tensed and had a wince on his face for a second before smoothing it over.

"Maybe you're Zoanthropic, Sirius." I teased, willing James to focus on what I had said instead of Remus's weird behavior.

"Zoanthropic?" James asked, turning his head towards me.

"Yeah, it's a mental disorder where the patient believes he or she turns into a lower animal, like a rat." I informed them, not letting my relief show that baiting James's curiosity had worked. Remus threw me a slightly grateful look behind James back, knowing why I had brought attention to myself. We knew each other far too well.

"I bet people started thinking that because of Muggle's getting bitten by Werewolves." Sirius said casually, not noticing the way Remus and I eye instantly locked gazes. This is not where I wanted the conversation to go.

"No way, probably some Animagus got caught in a curse or something, couldn't change back, and some muggle got the whole thing twisted." I said dismissively, hoping I sounded as casual as I was trying to be instead of the tense bundle of nerves I felt like. "Otherwise why would it be in an Animagus book?"

"But Werewolves can be muggles too!" Sirius argued, leaning forward slightly as he got to thinking about it. "They say Werewolves can't remember the moon too much, so one of them starts to think they are crazy, go to a nuthouse and tell people about it. Then Wizards come explain everything to the wolf, or kill him, and then just let the muggles think it's just the delusional mind of an insane person making stuff up. It's perfect."

"What's perfect is how seamlessly McGonagall can change from a cat into a human." I said, sacrificing subtlety in favor of getting away from the topic. Remus was getting paler and I needed this to stop now. "I want to become an Animagus, I think if I study a lot now then it might be easier later on down the road. What d'you reckon you would be?"

"I'd be a Lion, no doubt!" Sirius replied, puffing his chest out and grinning madly as he thought about being an actual lion. "With a great big mane."

"Willing to bet on it?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow in challenge.

"Huh?" Sirius asked, refocusing on the present.

"Want. To. Bet. On. It." I said each word slowly and with a pause in between them, like one talks to a child or mental person. "If you ever become an Animagus, I bet you be something and then you bet. Whoever wins gets… A galleon."

"Deal!" Sirius agrees, sticking his hand out instantly to shake on it. I reached for his hand but he pulled it back towards him just as I was about to shake. "Wait, what do you think I'll be?"

"Oh, hmm." I pretended to think, pursing my lips to appear in thought but really to fight the smile threatening to come onto my face. This was like taking candy from a baby. "A dog."

"A dog?" Sirius deadpanned, looking severely unimpressed and making me want to burst out laughing. "That's so… normal though."

"Is this a bet or not?" I asked cockily, reaching my hand out first this time.

"Of course! Sirius Black doesn't back down from a challenge." Sirius exclaimed, shaking my hand firmly to cement the agreement.

I maybe should have felt bad but even if it was like taking candy from a baby, in this case the baby had really rich parents who were assholes. So I was pretty much taking it from them, which could only be a good thing. Life is all about perspective; Is the glass half empty or half full? Granted, there came a point when you had to stop giving a damn and just drink the water. That was another thought to ponder altogether.

I resumed reading and attempted to relax, finding it rather difficult with the strange look on James's face after my bet with Sirius. I could feel his eyes slide to me as I read, periodically staring as though thinking hard about something, and while it was unnerving, I was just glad he wasn't staring at Remus. That would be a mess.

 **A/N: I haven't gotten any new reviews since I posted the last chapter, which makes me sad, so I'll not be updating until I get a few. I have like seven stories going and even though this is my favorite to write currently, I don't want to post and get no feedback from readers when there are people begging me to update other stories.**

 **Review/PM if you have any questions/comments/concerns**

 **~Rache**

 **Voting Poll Pairing Leader(s) : A TWO WAY TIE BETWEEN THE BLACK BROTHERS!**

 **Zephyrus x Sirius = 5 Votes**

 **Zephyrus x Regulus = 5 Votes**

 **Zephyrus x James = 3 Votes**

 **Zephyrus x OMC =**

 **Alright guys, vote for your favorite Black Brother to break the tie, Vote for James to catch up, or do whatever you want!**

 *******I would like to remind my reviewers that I will not be taking votes submitted underneath a Guest (Any name that does not have an account) into consideration. The reasoning behind this is that it would be too easy for one guest to vote for Sirius using five different names. I would still love to hear from you though! **********


	12. Chapter 11: Fighting The Feeling

Chapter Eleven: Fight The Feeling

James and Sirius were getting more suspicious and less distracted by my attempts at diverting their attention from Remus and his monthly transformation. Sometimes I wanted to stop trying to avert their suspicions altogether and just let them figure it out so that we could get down to becoming Animagus - I had hit a roadblock in that particular pursuit and it was frustrating me more than I would care to admit.

Regardless of those thoughts, I still did everything I could to protect my brother's secret. I knew it wouldn't settle right in my stomach if I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him I did everything I could to keep it a secret. I was going soft.

Hell, when it came to Remus, I was always soft. Sometimes I look at him and still see the little boy who, two days after helping me out of a panic attack in our bedroom the first time I 'woke up', looked up at me with scared eyes in a too big hospital bed wearing a gown that swallowed his thin body. It didn't surprise me in the slightest.

Too many nights in a bed absorbing the physical trembles and emotional agony from a human being. Too much time spent chasing him around before a full moon to try and keep him occupied. Too many nights waiting outside what boiled down to a cage, separate physically but still feeling an ache in my muscles, bones, and soul as I heard him literally tear himself apart. Far too many days spent putting him back together after the wolf did it's best to break him apart from the inside.

The door opening jarred me from my pensive state, looking down at the grounds of Hogwarts where the sun was setting, casting an orange hue across the towering trees of the Forbidden Forest. Internally I steeled myself for the interrogation, knowing this had been coming since I saw Sirius and James whispering in Potions yesterday. I was surprised to find I was nervous, which was ridiculous considering I was mentally twenty five and the 'interrogators' were two overly curious and admittedly clever eleven year olds.

I turned around with an apathetic expression, taking in Sirius and James as they walked through the door and shut it behind them. Sirius, with his aristocratic features and easy grin that he used to hide the effects of an abusive home. The bespeckled James, his hair a constant mess, with his natural charisma which seemed to make people gravitate to him in a way no one so young should be able to do. I honestly never thought I would come to care for them - they were immature, arrogant, and loud.

They were also just boys using bravado to hide insecurities and doubt, who honestly wanted to just have fun and spread the humor. They were so young, full of life, and took every bit of life from it that they could - Merlin, I could never imagine two people so full of life before I met them.

I had planned to encourage Remus to be friends with them while keeping my distance, foolishly thinking I would to busy trying to learn everything I could to actually care for them. Sure, we would become Animagus together but only because I was the brother of their best friend. It started out as just being the one to make contact, building Remus a bridge to walk over so he could have what he had always meant to have, and then it turned into spending time with them to distract them from Remus's condition. Between that, classes, living together, and the fact that Remus was with them more often than not had led to them slowly inching their way into my heart.

Sirius, always making the three of us laugh with his robust and overdramatic behavior, who could go from laughing giddily to brooding in the span of a heartbeat until one of us pulled him out of it. The boy who had so happily embraced his three roommates as if we were the family he had always wanted and then treated us as such when he found his desire for friendship wasn't spurned.

James had a desire from day one to get a group of lads together and do everything he could to make them family, something I didn't find out until a month ago in April. He was the glue that held everything together in a way I sometimes found myself envying. Having grown up with parents that spoiled him rotten because they didn't think they'd ever be able to have a child but lonely in his big house with just two people who bordered on being elderly. He thrived under the spotlight, soaking up attention and praise like plants do the sun.

They were so different from Remus and I, especially myself, that I honestly didn't know how it worked. Two pureblood children, raised to live comfortably in wealth and status, being best friends to two poor half-blood kids, one of which they would find out to be a werewolf? It baffles me endlessly but every laugh we have shared, plan we formulated for a prank, every detention and moment in general I had spent in their company had led to one realization.

I was compromised. I didn't see pieces on a chessboard anymore, ironic considering Sirius' Christmas gift, but living, breathing people who I had no choice but to save. I wouldn't settle for anything else. I had gotten sucked into this ragtag family, a group of boys just looking for a home away from home. Looking for people to count on, people to share their lives with.

"Hey, Z." Sirius greeted me casually, leaning against one of the bedposts with a deceptively innocent look on his face. James was slightly behind him, looking awkward and a little uncomfortable, but determined.

Basically, they were being ridiculously obvious. It made the expression on my face lighten a little because honestly, what had I been so worried about? They were eleven years old. I could outplay them blindfolded and deaf.

I smiled at them slightly, leaning against the wall a little. "Hey guys."

"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked curiously, looking around the room as if he was just going to pop up from underneath one of the beds.

"Remus is-" I started to say but was cut off before I could finish my sentence.

"In the hospital wing? Again?" Sirius asked incredulously, the disbelief showing on both his and James's faces. Okay, so maybe we had used that one a lot.

"No, actually, he was given permission to travel to our house to see our Mum. She's not feeling well and needed some help while my Dad was out of town." I replied serenely, silently congratulating myself as James and Sirius looked at each other as if to ask 'Well... Now what?'.

"Oh." Sirius said lamely, just letting it hang in the air, turning the silence into an awkward one.

"I hope your Mum's okay." James commented a moment later

"She'll be fine." I replied, tilting my head at them slightly. They both just stood there for a moment before muttering about getting ready for bed and began to go about the room, getting night wear together.

Shaking my head to myself and suppressing a smile, I turned back to the window to watch as the Moon began to peek out from the horizon. I felt an ache deep in my shoulder and I knew it was beginning. I just hoped it wasn't a bad one, that is the last thing Remus needed with those two sniffing around like pirates after buried treasure.

I went to bed, shutting the curtains around it and feigning sleep until I heard the heavy breathing that meant the room's other two occupants had fallen asleep. Quietly, I peeked my head out of the curtains and then carefully stepped out of the four poster bed. I made my way back to the window and leaned carefully against the stone wall, settling myself in for a long night.

* * *

"What time is it?" Remus croaked, causing my attention to shift from the high windows showing the blue sky to my pale brother.

"It's Eleven." I said, picking the glass of water up from the bedside table and bringing it up to his chapped lips. His hand wrapped around the glass but I kept my own there as well, making sure it was steady as we tipped it up so Remus could had a drink.

"How bad?" Remus asked, his voice still scratchy but a little more clear now that he had wet his throat. His voice was always rough the day afterwards from screaming.

"On a scale of one to ten? Probably a four." I said musingly, forcing down any emotion I had about the state he was in as I looked him over.

"A four?" Remus asked disbelievingly, looking at me like I was a lunatic.

"A four." I replied, nodding to emphasize my decision.

"I feel like I was run over by the Knight Bus." Remus deadpanned, making my lips twitch but I fought the smile off my face as I gingerly sat at the end of his bed. Remus snorted as I nudged his foot so he would move it, scowling at me without any real heat behind it.

"Oh don't be such a sourwolf." I said lightly, crossing my legs and getting comfortable.

"Sour-?" Remus repeated, looking stupefied and this time I couldn't stop the quiet laughter at his face. Priceless.

"Want me to catch you up on the juicy gossip?" I asked rhetorically, leaning back against the bedframe so that I was facing Remus directly. He looked wary at my tone of voice, obviously sensing I was hiding something or about to tell him something I didn't want to. "Well, Filch's cat died, so he got a new one named Borus, Lucinda Talkalot in Slytherin blew up another cauldron in potions, and I'm pretty sure James and Sirius suspect something."

"What?" Remus yelped, tensing and getting such a fearful expression on his face that it made my chest ache a little. He was terrified. I could tell everything Mum and Dad had ever said about the importance of keeping the secret was going through his head on repeat. "What'd you tell them? Why do you think that?"

"They were acting odd yesterday." I told him, letting out a slightly irritated huff thinking about the half-ass questioning they had done last night. "They wanted to know where you were, again, so I told them you went to visit Mum because Dad was abroad. That you would be back tomorrow."

"What? Why would you tell them that?" Remus practically hissed, glancing around the room with a paranoid look on his face. I rubbed my temples to prepare myself for the headache that I knew was coming.

"Remus. Calm down." I told him, pointing my wand at the curtain and making them shut with magic. I pocketed my wand with a small smile, wondering if I would ever get over how cool being able to do things like that was. "I know for a fact Pomfrey can charm those to stay closed. Besides, they weren't buying the Hospital Excuse anymore."

"Why not?" Remus practically demanded, making me want to roll my eyes but instead I took a breath before opening my mouth.

"Because no one who is lactose intolerant badly enough to be sent to the Hospital Wing ACTUALLY ingests enough lactose once a month. It's weird." I supplied, making him pause to consider my point.

"I guess you're right." Remus admitted grudgingly, mumbling so that I could barely hear him. I could feel the smile on my face growing a little bigger.

"Of course I am." I responded, patting his knee reassuringly. I withdrew my hands quickly as he tried to swot at them, childishly sticking my tongue out at him for the missed attempt before reverting to the rather serious conversation we were having despite our antics. "I mean, you were never going to be able to use that excuse for the next six years as well as this one."

"It wasn't my idea to use that excuse at all, if you remember." Remus replied dryly, staring at me with a face that told me just how much of a pain in the arse he thought I was. "Thanks for that, by the way. It's literally eliminated the possibility of eating half the things laid out during meals."

"Hey, I said I was sorry. I panicked." I replied, holding my hands out in the universal 'don't shoot' gesture.

"You never panic." Remus responded pointedly, eyes narrowed at my sudden interest in the ceiling before green eyes once again met amber.

"Dairy's bad for you anyway." I said dismissively before moving to change the subject. "The Mum excuse wasn't as bad."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Remus muttered, putting his index and forefinger to the bridge of his nose and making a pained gesture that just screamed inner conflict. "I don't know what to do."

"Well, you pick something and go with it, keep changing things up and hoping they don't connect the dots while I try my best to distract them - which they are getting wary of now, by the way." I said, shooting him an apologetic look as he groaned and threw his head back against the pillow at my last words.

"I hate this."

"You could always tell them the truth?" I suggested, my eyebrows raising when Remus shot up like a bolt of lightning had just struck him.

"Don't joke about that." Remus said with clenched teeth, his face a combination of so many emotions it was making me dizzy just thinking about feeling it all.

"Come on, Remus. When they figure it out," I said, running my hand through my spiky hair in frustration and raising my voice when I saw Remus about to interrupt. "And they WILL figure it out, because they are nosey and clever. We can come up with stories that would make Dumbledore think you weren't going to the Shack but we can't change the date you do it on. They'll make the connection."

"Then I'll be kicked out and you'll leave because you're a loyal idiot." Remus finished bitterly, closing his eyes and making a face that hit me in the gut, even knowing everything worked out still made it suck for my twin to feel so paranoid and terrified of being exposed.

"Maybe." I reasoned, tilting my head a little as I looked at my brother. I had to at least consider the possibility or Remus would just shut me out completely; He was too set in his ways to be convinced otherwise. A byproduct of childhood I had attempted to prevent but there was honestly only so much I could do. "Or they could just take it in stride and help you keep it a secret."

Remus scoffed, not even entertaining the idea for a second which honestly made me a little angry. Didn't he know how much of a wonderfully pure and amazing human being he was? In my eyes, Remus was the epitome of altruism and empathy one of which he was born with and the other learned through suffering. It helped shape him into who he is today, the boy sitting in front of me who is stronger than anyone else I have ever met. Stronger than me by spades. He never gives up, he rarely complains; he accepts the things he cannot change and then does what he can.

"Hey!" I snapped, smacking his knee mildly hard and faltering a little when I saw him wince in pain. I hadn't meant to hurt him, just let him know I was serious, but I pushed on because I knew he would only rebuff me for making a fuss. "None of that werewolves are second-hand citizens shite. They could very well not care. In fact they might appreciate being able to learn a little more about you, y'know?."

"Merlin, for someone so smart you can be so thick sometimes!" Remus all but shouted at me. He was always more prone to losing his temper around the moon, so I just clenched my jaw and waited for him to be finished. "I hate when you try to give me this false hope like everything is going to be okay. We aren't five years old anymore. I turn into a bloody MONSTER every month that WILL KILL people if given the chance. When I'm not thinking of all the ways things could go wrong that led to me escaping the shack and killing someone, or worse, biting them? I'm thinking about how long this dream Dumbledore has conjured is going to last before it all comes tumbling down."

Remus's eyes were wet with tears I knew he wouldn't allow to escape and his voice was thick with the emotion he normally attempted to bottle up. As soon as he said that it would be worse to bite someone and pass along his curse than to kill them I flinched. I knew what he was doing; he was going for the throat, assuming that if he shocked me enough with his version of the truth that I would drop the subject altogether like I normally did. He knows I hate dealing with anything emotional, I'd rather just look up at the sky or ceiling and just pretend everything's okay.

"Remus, there are good people in the world. Y'know that, don't you?" I asked him imploringly, my eyes softening at the expression I saw on his face. It was a mixture of bitter resignation like a dark cloud and unwilling hope shining through because no matter how much he tried, a part of him wanted our friends to accept him, to know all of him and still want to be his friend. That was the part I was trying to reach. "If it was me, I would rather find out from you when I started digging deeper than having to figure out any other way. It will be more controlled, you get to pick the time and place rather than it happening somewhere it shouldn't, y'know?."

"Oh, of course you're talking about it being 'controlled'." Remus said mockingly, a tinge of bitterness I had never heard in his voice present that set me on edge.

"Please, Rem, just step back. Stop looking at it so emotionally, y'know?." I reasoned, reaching out to him with my hand open to place on his arm, clenching it into a fist when he moved his arm out of the way and avoided my eyes. Nothing would have prepared me for what was coming next.

"That's easy for you to say. I'm not even sure you HAVE emotions half the time." Remus practically spat, the venom in his voice something I had never heard from him. It felt like someone swung a bat into my stomach, full force. My chest tightened painfully as I sucked in the next breath sharply and lowered my eyes to the bedsheet. "We all can't just shut off how we feel when it's convenient for us. Don't you get it? It doesn't matter how many ways you try to look at it, because it all boils down to one thing. In the eyes of The Ministry and the world, I am a dark creature. And the thing this? They should be afraid! I'm afraid! I don't have any control, I never have and I never will. This isn't something you can just neatly tuck away, Zephyrus. The world doesn't work like that."

My chest tightened painfully as I sucked in the next breath sharply and lowered my eyes to the bedsheet. If you had asked me yesterday if Remus could have thrown something like that in someone's face, I would say of course he could. But I never thought he could or would do it to me. The next breath I drew was a ragged one and my head was bowed to hide my face.

 _Breathe in. One. Two. Three. Four. Hold. One. Two. Three. Breathe out. One. Two. Three . Four._

 _Repeat._

 _Repeat._

" _No M_. There is no crying, you can't do anything when you're crying except sit there and cry." A man said evenly, words spoken forcefully but in the same tone one would order dinner or ask after another person's spouse. Detached. "Come on, M_. Don't give up, use what we've taught you. Push. The stagnant man never accomplished anything he set out to accomplish."_

I gasped as I snapped out of the memory, the sound ominous in the strained silence that lay between my brother and I for the first time I could remember. We have had fights, sure, but nothing… nothing like this. What was this sensation in my chest? It felt like I was choking or suffocating except that I could feel my chest moving up and down rhythmically as I breathed in and out.

 _Breathe in. One. Two. Three. Four. Hold. One. Two. Three. Breathe out. One. Two. Three . Four._

"..'Phy?" I heard Remus ask tentatively, the anger and bitterness gone from his voice as if it was never there to begin with. In place was an unsureness, a hesitancy that always made me feel protective - but this time, he was hesitant about me and that had never happened before. What does one do when confronted when an anomaly? Well, you do what your instincts tell you to do.

I shut down, sealing away any feelings or thoughts about the memory I had just gained from my old life that I never remember having in the first place. Gone was the frustration I had been experiencing moments ago. I put the way what Remus had said made me feel in the back of my mind, in a box, buried beneath a hundred just like it where it could collect dust in good company.

This is who I was, I was better than this - I don't know what exactly I remember but I remember being told emotions are a collar attached to a chain that anchors us to our humanity. An important part of sentient life but most people were slaves to their emotions. The smart man, the clever man, he can slip in and out of his collar as he pleases.

Without the haze of emotion clouding my brain, I felt myself gain control again. My breath came in more evenly, my thoughts more clearly and it made me realize something. What was I doing right now? I was wasting time on an argument that was irrelevant. It doesn't matter what happens or how they find out, the reaction will almost certainly be the same.

As far as worrying for Remus, I know he would be fine without me, at least for now. He grew up to be a man once when he didn't know me. I was too concerned with feelings to do what I should have been doing all along and approaching this clinically; Remus was right. Not everyone could shut away emotions like I could, so why should I contribute to the already reeling amount of emotion in the air? It wasn't logical, it didn't make any practical sense.

There were things I should be learning, assets to be cultivated. I didn't have time to trade sharp words words with an eleven year old. There was too much to be done, not enough time. Never enough time.

 _The Locket. The Diary. The Cup. The Diadem. The Ring. Maybe the Snake._

 _Focus. Logic first. Approach it clinically. Compassion is okay but not always appropriate. Make a list of pro's and con's if applicable. Then set goals but stay quiet about them. Smash the shit out of the goals and then clap for your damn self. Repeat._

"I am fine." I said, my voice taking on an apathetic quality that matched the way I currently was. It felt good regaining my composure, I felt more sure of myself than I had in awhile. I stood up abruptly, looking at Remus as he adjusted his gaze to look at my face; more specifically, my eyes.

"Phy?" Remus asked again, the hesitancy in his voice making me want to roll my eyes. To be hesitant was to be in the way. What use was hesitation? No, it was far better to be concise and decisive. Confident. I remember it's what made him tell me I was a good man in a storm. I was in perfect control of myself.

"Yes, Remus?" I asked, my voice lacking it's usual warmth when I spoke his name. Honestly I just wanted to get to the library to see if I could find anything about illusion magic or magic that could ensnare the mind. It would be best to have a defense against whatever apparitions came from the Horcruxes to attempt to dissuade me from destroying them.

"What's going on?" Remus asked, his voice sounding smaller than it normally does, which made something in my chest squirm for a fraction of a second before it was methodically cut out and tossed away. No use for it, after all.

"I need to study, I have just realized." I replied, nodding my head fractionally towards him as I started to leave.

"Wait, 'Phy, don't leave." Remus said, something I vaguely recognized as fear in his voice?

I turned around, my eyes scanning the room and looking for anything that was out of the ordinary. What was there to be afraid of? The beds were all evenly spread out along the room, crisp white sheets perfectly pressed and waiting for the next person to cradle. All of the curtains were pulled back, revealing that there was no one else in the room. The walls were bare, the floors as well. Everything seemed safe.

"There is no reason to be afraid." I told Remus, confident in my ability to evaluate the room. He would be fine. Besides, he had done fine before I was involved, we were just going to do better this time.

"I'm afraid of you right now." Remus said, looking at me with something in his eyes that I didn't quite understand. What did he mean? He obviously does not have anything to fear from me. Prior experience should assure him of that if nothing else. "What you are doing right now, it's scaring me and I want you to stop. I didn't mean it. We can talk about it if you want."

My eyes searched the amber ones in front of me, the unrecognizable emotion causing a hint of irritation inside me as the name of the emotion eluded me. That was cut away as well. The name isn't important anyway. I needed to get to work.

"There is nothing to be afraid of." I told him again, watching his face twist into … concern. That was it, Remus was concerned. I drew the pine wand from my pocket and flicked it towards the curtains surrounding his bed, realizing he would be concerned about the secret and he was unable to get out of bed just yet. It made sense.

I stepped out of the Hospital Wing with precise movements, thinking for only a moment to determine the best route that would lead me towards the library. I had research to do, there was not enough time. Never enough time.

 _The Locket. The Diary. The Cup. The Diadem. The Ring. Maybe the Snake._

 _The Cave. Currently most likely in possession of Lucius Malfoy or Tom Riddle; More information needed. Lestrange vault in future, current location unknown. Room of Requirements. Gaunt House. Unable to determine validity of horcrux circus, time of creation unknown, more information needed._

 _The Locket. The Diary. The Cup. The Diadem. The Ring. Maybe the Snake._

 _Not enough time. Never enough time._

* * *

I studied for hours, I vaguely realize as I am kicked out of my little corner of the library when it was almost curfew. This left me enough time to make it to the dorm, change, sleep, and then I can eat in order to optimize my abilities. The Library opens at around the same time as breakfast, I can eat on the way from the Great Hall to The Library and if I'm not done by arrival time, I'll throw the rest of the food away.

The common room was a buzz of voices, chatter about unimportant nonsense, and so I walked through it without sparing a glance at any of the people milling about. A brief feeling of disgust for the wandering, unfocused, and undisciplined people whom I shared space with welled up inside me briefly before I cut it out, judging it a useless feeling with no positive reasoning for its existence or ways of aiding me in a goal, just as a thought same across my head, seemingly at random.

" _Promise me you'll never forget, Zephyrus... Everything isn't black and white… You can't know someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes…"_

My head felt strangely light and I felt unsteady on my feet for some reason. That was… mother. Mum. Diagon Alley. The Lesson. Quills and Parchment. My feet were on autopilot as they took me up the stone steps to the door of my dormitory, behind which I could hear movement, indicating at least one other occupant would be present. What purpose would walking while wearing another person's shoe to walk in possibly serve? It seemed an irrational not worth exploring.

" _Never forget…"_

I pressed a hand to my forehead, feeling a twinge of pain, but ignoring it once the sharp jolt turned into a steady, dull throb. Easily disregarded. My hand reached out and grabbed the handle to open the door, stepping into a silent room that had previously had a minor level of noise, curious as to the abrupt halt.

Three boys were eyeing me. Sirius, James, Remus. My brain recognized as I landed on each of them. I smiled mechanically, not noticing or caring when Sirius's face got a perplexed look on his face as we locked gazes. Eye contact was polite for brief stints of time in modern society. I moved my eyes after a moment, going through the same process with James who looked just as utterly confused as Sirius. When my eyes turned to look at Remus, I was met with the back of his head. I frowned. Why did things seem… what was that word people used so often… awkward right now? Casting a only minorly curious look around the room, I mentally shrugged it off and got ready for bed. After my teeth were brushed, clothes changed, and everything ready for tomorrow, I was climbing into my bed when I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder.

I turned around and green met amber for the first time since I had walked into the room. I looked at Remus as he looked at me with a penetrating stare, seeming to be searching for something. I was not sure what he was looking for but I know that often times what society deems impolite behavior is considered acceptable with members of one's family. Concessions must be made even though I was now three minutes off schedule. If there was one thing that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt as fact, it's that family is important.

Remus looked disappointed as he turned away and I felt a hollow ache in the center of my chest, a few paces above my belly button, and as I instinctively went to cut whatever the feeling was away, not caring enough to identify it, my hand was moving forward to touch Remus' shoulder. He turned, surprised, and with wide eyes stared as my own eyes widened when the ache felt even more dominating than it had a moment ago. What was going on? Why couldn't I cut it away? What purpose did it serve?

"Goodnight, Remus." I said, my tone of voice changing on the name, although I was unsure what it was meant to convey. Emotions were such wearisome, impractical things. Whatever it was made Remus' face a little less tense and he smiled at me, concern and… something else in his eyes, that made me feel.. Warm?

I turned away and fell into bed, refusing to think about it because I was six minutes behind schedule and there wasn't enough time. There was never enough time.

 _The Locket. The Diary. The Cup. The Diadem. The Ring. Maybe the Snake._

* * *

 **A/N: Hey everyone! So this chapter was an interesting one, no? It will be explained a little better but until then I hope you enjoy the anticipation. Something new I wanted to try is having a playlist for parts in the song? I'm not sure if I will keep it up or do it for every chapter but this one at least.**

 **Song - Artist - Scene**

 **Fog - Mason Proper - Remus and Z talking in the hospital wing.**

 **Irrelevant - Lauren Aquilina - Z starts to shut down emotionally after memory.**

 **Sedated - Hozier - Z being apathetic**

 **So, Regulus is in the lead currently, I'll update the actual numbers next chapter. For now, I am tired and am going to bed. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think. The more reviews, the faster the chapter is usually how it ends up.**

 **~Rache**


	13. Chapter 12: Delicate Balance of the Mind

Chapter Twelve: The Delicate Balance of a Mind

 _I squirmed in my seat, excitement pooling in the bottom of my stomach and my leg bouncing up and down the closer we got to the coast. I had never seen the ocean before and it was somewhere I had always wanted to visit at least once._

" _Control yourself, M_." Dad said sternly, shooting me a harsh look that had my leg ceasing movement instantly. I had forgot myself for a moment, something I couldn't afford because he had been acting oddly all day._

" _I apologize, father. I'm in control." I replied, putting up the stoic mask he required me to wear anytime I was around him. It made me wish Mum was here because she was much less strict about the entire thing. Dad rarely let his control slip, constantly stoic unless it was a special occasion where he revealed the rather kind man underneath._

" _I've raised you to be a good man in a storm, M_." Dad said, appraising me from the corner of his eye, my posture perfect and face expressionless. "In the diner, two hours ago, how many of the men were wearing hats?"_

" _Seven." I replied instantly, my mind pulling up an image of the diner he was talking about. He was constantly testing me like this._

" _Good. Do you know why I'm taking you to the ocean?" Dad asked, watching me to analyze my reaction when we first saw the expansive blue water underneath a only slightly cloudy sky. There was no reaction externally but inside I was grinning insanely._

" _No." I answered honestly, waiting for his answer as we pulled into a gravel parking lot that left only the sand between the ocean and ourselves._

" _My father took me here when I was your age. It's a rite of passage." Dad said, opening his door and stepping out of the car. We were silent as we walked towards the expanse of water, my eyes taking in everything with the memory that had been honed my entire life._

 _The sound of the waves as the tide came in, the ocean pulling the water back into itself in a rhythm that was soothing to my soul. I could smell salt on the air, feel a constant breeze that ruffled my hair, tickling my neck pleasantly, and seemed to almost beg me to let go in order to play._

 _I dare not with father watching, knowing it would be a punishment most unpleasant, but I could have this moment. With seagulls singing in the background in time with the waves, creating what appeared to me a symphony unlike I had ever heard._

 _This is what paradise was. I ached to toe my shoes off and feel the soft, golden sand pliable beneath my feet. One day I would come back here, alone, and I would allow myself to be as free as the ocean before me._

" _Come with me." Dad said finally, pulling me towards the water with a firm grip that said resisting was useless. We walked in slowly and I had to fight to repress the urge to gasp as I felt how cold the salt water was._

 _Dad led me deeper and deeper until I was just below being chest deep, the water only reaching Dad's hip. He commanded me to float on my back, to feel the way I rocked with the waves, to feel the power of the water. I did as he said, closing my eyes as I relaxed with his hand pressing into my back._

" _You were named after the U.S.S Maine, a battleship, just as I was and my father before you." Dad told me, his tone even and face still clear of any emotion. "The reason my father brought me here, and his before, is that we found something out, by accident at first.""_

" _What was it?" I asked, my eyes drifting to the fluffy kingdom floating in the blue-grey sky above me. Sometimes I wished I was a cloud, free to float and just drift along in the sky with the wind my guide and the birds my friends._

" _Your great grandfather called it a state of being Void." Dad explained, lifting his face so he was looking out towards the ocean instead of down at me. "It's a culmination of everything I've been preparing you for. Something your mother doesn't have because she never received the gift."_

" _Gift?" I asked innocently, my curiosity growing as I thought about what I could possibly be gifted here, floating with the rhythm of the waves, the only thing keeping me from drifting along to the will of the water was my father's hand._

" _Yes, a gift from the ocean. It's how you will get perfect control." Dad told me, looking back down at me and raising his other hand towards my face. "Before you can be open to receiving this gift, you have to stare into the void and let it stare back. It will be a moment where everything is still, instead of repressing your emotions you will be numb and will feel nothing. Memorize that state so you can go back there at will. Then you will be void."_

" _How do I get there?" I asked, an unpleasant feeling niggling at the back of my mind. It felt like I was missing something._

" _I'll take you for your first time, the same way my father took me." Dad said, letting his mask fall for just a moment and smiling ruefully at me. "Don't fight it."_

 _Before I could ask what I shouldn't fight, my Dad gripped my throat in a tight grip and my head was pushed into the water. I let out a scream that was swallowed by the ocean, the only evidence a stream of bubbles coming from my mouth and rising to the surface. My hands scrambled to my father's, scratching and trying to pry him from my throat._

 _I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe._

 _I could feel my arms getting slower, the strength leaving my body, and my eyes were wide open in terror. The water around me was tinged red from the blood I had made spill from my father's hand in my desperate attempt to release the grip. The pressure in my head hurt so much, my vision was being overcome by black, and I couldn't last. My throat and lungs opened, surrendering, and being filled with an onslaught of water._

"Zephyrus!" I heard a voice, though it was hard to decipher who it belonged to over the blood curdling screams reverberating off the stone walls of our dormitory. The screams were coming from me.

That's when the memories came to the front of my mind and I was scratching at my throat, I couldn't breath oh god I can't breathe. My lungs were ready to burst and I saw a tawny haired boy grasping at my arms to tear them away.

"Stop it! Stop! Please!" a voice called, panic laced and mixed with desperate sobs.

Didn't he understand I couldn't breathe? My vision sharpened, just for a moment, my eyes clearing the haze and meeting amber colored orbs, wet with tears both unfallen and those already streaming down his face, and I remembered. Remus.

There was a loud noise from the door that led to the staircase to the common room. I remember. I am Zephyrus. I am Maine.

Maine. Zephyrus. Drowning. Lungs weighed down by water, so much pressure. A red light and release.

It's over.

* * *

My head hurts almost as bad as my throat when I wake up, it's the first thing I notice and the only. I don't open my eyes as soon as I am conscious, fighting the instinct and aside from a second where I inhaled rather sharply, I kept my breathing even to maintain the illusion of sleep. My mind was playing memories faster than I could keep up, the surge of them increasing the pain in my head, and I started organizing them.

After a minute of effort, my mind was slightly less cluttered and my thinking significantly easier. That was when the panic set in because I don't know what was happening to me. When I open my eyes would I be Maine, with a father that could drown him and a mother who was most likely worried about her son. Would I Zephyrus, the young Hogwarts student with a brother he loved so deeply it left his soul aching and a pair of wonderful parents that provided an unreal level of support and love. Which did I want to be real?

Remus. There was no hesitation and I felt dread pooling in my gut as I thought about the last memories I had of Remus and I. What was going on with me? I remember everything shutting down, the admittedly somewhat fragile connection to my emotions was cut like a string holding a balloon, leaving them to float away and leave only shell behind with a mind. A robot. A shark. Instincts and logic, two things I prized above most everything, and something that now terrified me.

Without emotions there wasn't anything grounding. A single minded focus that narrowed in on the goal, the end result, but would not care for casualties. The phrase the end justifies the means comes to mind. That wasn't who I was… at least, it wasn't who I wanted to be. It was a husk, not a person.

I begged for myself to be Zephyrus, to be alive and for Remus. I wanted my brother, to feel him next to me with our breaths in sync and his arm, a familiar pressure, warm next to my own. I cannot be Maine, I cannot be void.

I opened my eyes and blinked away the spots in my vision from my eyes adjusting to the light. High stone ceilings, rows of beds with starch white sheets, and Remus. My eyes locked onto him instantly, slumped over in his chair and sleeping uncomfortably with his legs propped on my bed. Relief flooded throughout my entire body and I relaxed into the firm bed with sheets that were slightly scratchy. I couldn't give a damn because I still had Remus. I still had parents, neither of which had attempted to take me to the brink of death for a fucking insane reason, and I had my friends. Magic. I sighed, satisfaction warming my insides and making me want to fall back asleep, safe in the knowledge that my twin was near me.

I was loved, I was alive, and I could feel everything. Confusion, pain, love, guilt, shame, fear, happiness, contentment, relief. All the emotions that I let myself fall into with open arms, embracing them like an old friend I missed terribly. I just laid on the bed and let them fill me up, only pulling them back when it felt like I was dizzy and overwhelmed for feeling so much at once.

"You're awake." A voice said to my left, startling me and making me flinch in the bed instinctively. My eyes locked onto a pair of blue eyes behind a pair of spectacles placed on a crooked nose. His face framed by his white hair and beard, wearing a set of plum robes with an interesting design on them, was Albus Dumbledore.

I reached for my Occlumency shields instantly, checking them for cracks or broken pieces. Once I was reassured that everything was the way it should be, I allowed myself to make eye contact again and tilted my head towards my Headmaster.

"You gave poor Remus quite the scare this morning, not to mention Mr. Potter and Mr. Black as well." Dumbledore said simply, moving a little closer with his robes trailing slightly behind him. "I trust you are feeling better now?"

"Yes, Professor." I croaked, raising my hand to my throat in shock at the sound that had come out. My voice was completely and utterly shattered.

"Yes, you were screaming and it shredded your vocal cords apart." Dumbledore informed me, now standing beside my bed and gazing down at me with a somber look on his face. "Quite the nightmare."

I nodded in agreement, not trusting my voice to be able to continue to be abused quite yet, and Dumbledore slowly nodded his head as well. I felt like I was under a microscope with his eyes piercing into my mind, even though I knew he wasn't because even now I was constantly touching the barrier protecting the precious secrets to reassure myself.

"Remus told me what happened in the Hospital Wing yesterday and all three of them described the out of character behavior you displayed last night before falling asleep." Dumbledore said, not expecting a reply but pausing a moment for me to take that in. Cautiously, I nodded my head for him to continue, wondering what this meant for me exactly. "It is Madame Pomfrey's recommendation that you attend weekly sessions with a mind healer. Someone who specializes in cases such as these."

"Cases like these?" I croaked, deciding it important enough to merit the pain and possible further damage because like hell some wizard with a license to snoop was getting anywhere near my mind. "What exactly is the case here, Headmaster?"

"I wish I could tell you, my boy. I truly do. The mind is a delicate thing but strong at the same time. Every mind is different, every mind unique, and the balance of our minds is something that should not be taken lightly at all." said Dumbledore, his voice grave, "I sense a reluctance from you but I admit I don't know why it is there."

"My mind is my own, Professor." I said adamantly, my voice breaking completely on two of the words as it strained to function properly. "I won't allow someone to go digging in there, not willingly."

"I'm afraid I don't understand. Are you referring to Legilimency?" Dumbledore asked with a hint of surprise, his eyebrows rising underneath his purple hat. "You have it all wrong, Mr. Lupin. They won't invade your mind, they will assess it through conversation and other external methods. Rest assured, your mind will remain to be privy to only yourself, as it should be."

I nodded, still a little wary but I couldn't see a reason for him to lie to me. It wouldn't make a difference if he did because if someone tried to get into my mind I would fight tooth and nail. I would rather destroy my mind, shatter as badly as my voice currently was, than allow another person to gain access to any of the knowledge I had of future events. Involuntarily I yawned, my mouth opening wide and jaw cracking just a little, and I heard Remus make a noise as he started to wake up.

"Professor?" Remus asked, sleep addled confusion still thick in his voice and features but slowly clearing. As he came fully aware, instantly his eyes shifted to where I was propped against the headboard with a pillow at my back. I saw him visibly sag in relief and felt guilt churn in my gut like a whirlpool. "Thank Merlin."

" _Hi Remus."_ I signed at him with my hands, making his eyebrows pull together in confusion.

"His voice was damaged and it is best for him to avoid using it as much as possible." Dumbledore told Remus, looking at me with a renewed interest at the display of sign language.

" _I'm glad you are back to yourself."_ Remus signed, his lips attempting to smile but coming out as more of a concerned frown. _"You are you, right?"_

" _Right as rain, Remus."_ I replied, smiling in reassurance and shrugging my shoulders helplessly as I thought of how I could possibly explain what the hell happened.

" _It's okay to not be okay, you know that, right?"_ Remus asked, leaning forward slightly. I nodded empathetically, my eyes drifting to our silent audience of one, who inclined his head towards me when I looked his way.

"I admit I am quite impressed by the communication you have developed." Dumbledore said thoughtfully, having been watching our hands with clear fascination. "A language using only your hands. The aurors do something similar but they cannot have full conversations. Field commands and the like."

" _Translate?"_ I asked Remus, waiting for him to nod before signing at Remus while he literally put my thoughts into words. _"We didn't create the language, muggles did. It is called Sign Language and it is how the deaf or mute community communicate with one another. It is a full language."_

"Fascinating." Dumbledore said thoughtfully, his hand coming up to his beard. "I admit you have piqued my interest in learning. May I ask how you two stumbled upon this skill?"

The truth was I didn't know how I knew Sign Language. I just knew it, most likely a skill carried over from Maine and so engrained in my memory that it stuck. When I discovered it, and found myself capable of using it fluently, I taught Remus so we could talk in private if the need might ever arise. I never predicted this situation but still, it was a universally handy skill to have, especially knowing almost none of the magical community would be familiar with it.

" _Books."_ I signed simply, unwilling to elaborate further and ignoring the contemplative look Remus shot me. He had never asked where I learned, just picked it up himself at my insistence and that was the end of it. Now there would be questions, I was sure, and most likely they would be uncomfortable ones.

Dumbledore took his leave after and left us alone. For a moment Remus and I just stared at one another until I moved the blanket aside, patting the mattress in a silent invitation. Remus climbed in and laid down next to me, bringing the blanket up and putting his arm around my shoulder. I leaned my head on him and as we laid there I felt so grateful that I couldn't put it into words. I watched as his breathing evened out, thinking about everything that I have left to do to save him. As I stared at his thin chest rising with each breath taken and falling with each one let out.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

I was still tired but I was afraid to go back to sleep without a dreamless potion, afraid of falling into the same or another, completely different and unwelcome, memory. The more I thought about it the more distraught I felt, becoming overwhelmed by all the things I had to accomplish while also hoping that I am not forgetting anything. That's not even talking about the possibility of killing someone unintentionally with an action I make that wasn't made in the previous, or possibly alternate, timeline.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

My head was swimming in a pool of lethargy, thick and slow thoughts swirling around in a jumbled mess that needed my attention. Before I could begin gathering the Horcruxes, both the objects and I, myself, need to be in the correct position. It needed to be after or right before I graduate before I begin, most likely starting with the diadem, to ensure I have the time I'll need to gather and destroy them before, what I had labelled in my head as D-Day, October Thirty First. The night Lily and James Potter were murdered, Sirius Black unjustly accused and imprisoned, and Remus abandoned by everyone he was close to.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

'You've already taken care of Peter. That counts for a lot.' I told myself, trying to reassure myself that I was actively doing something, that biding my time was imperative in this stage. I needed to become an Animagus, I needed to get way better at speaking the Goblin language, I needed to study more charms than I was currently as well as Defence Against the Dark Arts.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

I needed to figure out a way to destroy a Horcrux when I found it. The sword of Gryffindor was out even if I could get it; the damn thing hasn't slain a basilisk yet, so it isn't imbued with its venom, making it incapable of destroying any of them. The other way is a Basilisk fang or something else with its poison - this would be either expensive or dangerous to retrieve. Considering I had no money, the black market was off the table. I couldn't speak parseltongue, so even if I wanted to go hunting for a big ass snake I don't know how I'd get access to the Chamber of Secrets. No, there was one viable option that was dangerous but if I learned how to control it, may just work. Fiendfyre.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

That meant I needed someone who was familiar, or would become familiar, with the Dark Arts. Someone like the black haired boy with a curtain of hair the same color as ink and a slightly large nose when compared to the rest of his face, which was actually cute in a way - when you could see past the aforementioned curtain of hair.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

I never bullied Snape, nor was I around when it was happening, because I detest that kind of stuff and have already told Sirius and James I would intervene if I thought they were getting out of hand or treating someone wrong. I could 'save him' from Sirius and James, see if that endears him to me at all. I tossed the idea around for awhile, thinking of various scenarios and what I know of his personality before ultimately declining that way of getting his friendship.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

No, there was only one way to get to Severus Snape's heart. The only way this would work is if I did it that way, the more I thought of it the more convinced I was. Much like how Sirius could be convinced to do something or become a little more fond of someone if they do 'parental' things for him like making sure he ate or did homework, things his parents never did. Similar to how Remus was easy to buy with chocolate and a sincere offer of friendship. I'd get into Snape's before James Potter could say how much he loved to play Quidditch if I do this right.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

It was with my decision made that I started coming up with ideas to successfully integrate myself with my intended target. I would have to be clever, kind, and make sure to be extraordinarily friendly - not to mention make sure it's known I do not condone anything other than harmless pranks that aren't really focused on one victim. House Rivalry is fun, groups of people are okay, and teams or clubs are free game as well. As long as there was more than four people so that they could share in the embarrassment but also laugh about it soon after as well. Yes, with a little legwork, public chastising of Sirius and James, as well as a friendly smile… I think I shouldn't have any problems catching my fellow first year.

' _Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep. Don't fall asleep.'_

'You better watch out, Lily Evans.' I thought to myself, watching Remus's nostrils flare and smiling after hearing the odd grunting snore sound he made. 'You're about to get a new friend.'

* * *

"How are you?" Healer Demeter asked as he leaned into his chair, watching me and waiting for me to answer. We had been introduced the day I was released from the Hospital Wing and now I had a lovely weekly meeting with him, this being our second, on Wednesday nights after dinner.

"I'm fine." I replied, smiling at him in return but internally grimacing for two reasons. One, I had to be here and the second being my still scratchy sounding voice. Our first appointment had been filled with a lot of silence and had caused me to meet with Dumbledore once again. The Healer had thought I could use two meetings a week, saying I would need time to open up and the more exposure I had to him the faster I would be able to be helped. Hence my more agreeable attitude because I didn't have time for twice a week.

"Oh?" Healer Demeter asked, raising his eyebrows and tilting his head just a little bit. I folded my legs, sitting on the sofa in front of him, glancing around what was most likely an unused classroom once upon a time.

The room was sparsely furnished, with a sofa and two plump armchairs sitting across from one another with a table in between. There was a fire crackling merrily in the stone fireplace and a dozen candles lit in a chandelier style candle holder to illuminate the room completely so everything was easily visible. Aside from a painting of a forest of what looked to be elm trees, the walls were bare. There was a rug underneath the table that wasn't big enough to extend to all the furniture, so underneath the sofa and chairs where one would usually place their feet, was stone.

"Absolutely." I said firmly, leaning back on the sofa and watching him write a note down on a clipboard in his lap. "Why wouldn't it be? I have a great family, friends, and I love Hogwarts."

"Well, you're brother was certainly worried." Healer Demeter pointed out

"He was." I agreed, inclining my head in his direction.

"Why is that, do you think?" He asked

"Would you like me to get him so I can ask?" I rebutted, tilting my head to mimic the position of his own. Remus was waiting outside the room in the hall, most likely doing homework to pass the time, waiting for me to be finished so we could walk back to Gryffindor tower together.

"I'm actually more interested in your thoughts on his feelings." Healer Demeter responded, not rising to the bait of my slightly mocking tone and body language. "If you wouldn't mind humoring me."

"It was a bad nightmare. Remus isn't used to seeing me out of control like that and I'm told I was having a panic attack." I said, wondering what his angle was but seeing no harm in answering the question. "I imagine it was just out of character, to see me lose control, so it frightened him."

"Do you feel like you need to always be in control?" asked Healer Demeter, writing a quick note down and then leaning forward.

"Why do you ask?" I inquired, avoiding the question.

"Well, you mentioned the word twice and stressed that it was the loss of control. Most would have said something like it was sudden, waking him up, and seeing you in a panic attack covered in blood. It's interesting because it seems like the scariest part wasn't the attack, the pain, but loss of control. At least from your perspective, which is why you are projecting your fear onto Remus." Healer Demeter responded "Is it important to you?"

"Control?" I asked, taking my time to answer his question. "I wouldn't say it's important but I believe at times it's necessary."

"Necessary to what?" He asked

"To living." I said honestly, forgetting myself in the moment. I froze for a moment before trying to phrase it in a better way. "I mean you don't want to rely on someone who can't control themselves or their emotions, do you? So I think a certain degree of self-restraint can aid one in remaining objective and stable in situations where others would not be able to remain so if they had no… control."

"Do you often feel as though others rely on you?" Healer Demeter asked, setting the clipboard aside completely and focusing his attention on me. I opened my mouth to respond but he asked another question before I could. "Why do you think someone would rely on you over someone else?"

"I can handle it." I answered again, folding my arms across my chest and staring back at him.

"Handle it?" Healer Demeter asked

"Yes." I replied, trying and failing not to notice the way he stressed the word handle it. It might as well be another way to say control.

"Let's talk about something else." Healer Demeter said, as though realizing I had noticed my slip up and wanted to take my mind off of it. "Tell me about your dream."

"I… I was at the beach. In the ocean, drowning, and trying to fight to the surface but I couldn't breathe." I said, pushing down the panic I felt every time I thought about the nightmare of a memory. Healer Demeter's eyes were focused on me and the fact that he hadn't said anything meant he wanted me to talk more. I let out a weary sigh, thinking sarcastically how lovely it is for us to be getting to know each other well enough he doesn't have to say when I need to talk more. I narrowed my eyes as I watched the Healer's lips twitch when I sighed.

"You know when you're drowning you don't actually inhale until right before you black out." I said, looking over at the wall behind him. "It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't until you feel like your head is exploding. Then when you finally let it in, it's not scary anymore. It's… actually kind of peaceful."

"I want to ask you again in the hope that you'll be more honest with me" Healer Demeter explained patiently, his normally dark brown eyes looking like caramel in the candlelight, before he asked me one of the most, in my opinion, irking questions. "How are you?"

"I hate that question." I stated with more than a little bitterness in my voice, something which probably appeared strange because I was technically twelve, as of the tenth of March both Remus and I were.

"What about the question makes you hate it?" He asked, the curiosity lacing his voice appearing to be genuine as far as I could tell. I didn't say anything, which resulted in him prodding me gently with words to get me talking. "Is it that you don't know how to respond? You don't want people to pry?"

"It's because people ask you how you are but they don't really care. They want you to say fine, then ask them how they are, so they can say fine, and then you move on." I told him, sneering a little bit at the thought. "People don't say it because they want to know the real answer, they do it because other people say they should so they do it like mindless sheep; Then, when someone actually answers honestly, they act as though they can't believe that person would dare do such a thing. As if answering a question asked of you is such a horrible thing."

"I see." Healer Demeter said, looking at me with a contemplative expression I didn't have enough energy to attempt to dissect. "I assure you, when I ask, I truly want to know. I know you don't think I am capable or cannot possibly actually want to do this, that it's just a job, but I do care. I am invested in you, I want to see you get better. To do that, I need to know how you feel."

"Yeah, well, I'm fine." I said again, this time with a heavy amount of sarcasm placed on the word 'fine', gripping my legs, thinking about the constant worrying about the future, how I'm going to mess up. "Aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming and crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen."

"It's called hypervigilance." Healer Demeter explained after a moment when I didn't continue my rant. "The persistent feeling of being under threat."

"It's not even a feeling." I told him, frustrated with trying to explain my emotions. "It's like it's a panic attack, you know like I can't even breathe…"

"Like your drowning?" Healer Demeter asked softly

"Yeah." I replied, almost whispering the word.

"If you're drowning, what if you choose not to let the water in?" Healer Demeter asked

"You will anyway, it's a reflex." I responded instantly, shaking my head.

"But if you hold off, until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right?" He asked me, leaning forward as he spoke. "More time to fight your way to the surface, more time to be rescued."

"More time for agonizing pain." I snapped harshly "I mean, did you forget the part where you feel like your head is going to explode?"

"If it's about surviving, isn't a little agony worth it?"

"What if it just gets worse?" I asked, looking down at my feet and picking a thread from my clothes absentmindedly. "What if it's agony now and it's just… hell later on."

"Winston Churchill once said something." Healer Demeter said, making me look up at him. "If you're going through hell, keep going."

I remained silent, trying to sort myself out so I wasn't a massive and confusing mess of emotions. I asked myself the question I had been trying to answer for the last two weeks but I still could come up with no logical conclusion. Why was I cracking? I had so much to do and Merlin, I haven't even gotten to the hard part yet. I needed to pull myself together but I couldn't find what was breaking me apart - how can you fix something when you don't know why it's broken?

"What heaviness are you carrying?" Healer Demeter asked me, causing my head to jerk up. "People ask you how you are and you say I'm fine. But you're not fine and they'll never know that."

"I-..." I was speechless, staring at him with wide eyes because I didn't know how to respond.

"You're terrified. I don't know what tears you hold back. What pain, what fears, are kept locked inside you." Healer Demeter asked "You may be afraid of failure, of being not good enough to prevent whatever terrible thing may happen, so you try to control everything around you and your emotions as well."

"If I don't suppress it, then I can't breathe. It fills me up and I am drowning again." I replied, my voice becoming more hoarse as I felt the wetness in my eyes. "It's like I'm trying to stop a dam from breaking but every time I find a hole and seal it, there are two more that begin to pour out water. Pretty soon I'm up to my head in water, drowning, and I just can't breathe."

"There are some things in your life that are out of your control, that you can't change, and that you just have to live with. Fear will paralyze you more than being in a wheelchair ever could." Healer Demeter said, his voice soft. "You don't have to hold on to those fears. You just take one step at a time. Not to say that these fears are one day going to completely disappear but can you forgive those who have hurt you? Can you let the emotions in, one step at a time, and learn how to cope in a healthier way?"

I froze, my eyes locked onto the stone floor as the man I used to have as a father flashed before my mind. The woman who was my mother in another life and wasn't there when I needed someone to help me. Nameless faces, flashing past me, thinking about how many times I was called a failure because I couldn't be as emotionless as my father.

"When you can forgive them, that's when the healing starts. I want you to do something for me, an exercise of sorts. I want you to close your eyes." Healer Demeter explained, meeting my eyes steadily when I looked at him warily. Hesitantly, I leaned back into the sofa and closed my eyes. "Picture yourself in an open area. There's no buildings and there is no shelter and there's a storm above you. And this storm represents the situations in your life."

I pictured the grounds an open field with dark clouds brewing together, high and perfectly flat walls boxing me in but not providing any kind of shelter whatsoever. Thunder booming overhead and lightning flashing in the distance, coming closer as the clouds thickened.

"And you don't tell anyone what you're going through because first of all they wouldn't understand." He said, his voice hypnotizing almost as I, for the first time, felt how truly alone I was because of the knowledge I had. No one could understand because they couldn't know. "And second of all, they can't even help you anyway."

What if trying to help me is what kills them? I will know, by how they die compared to the original story, if they died at all, if I was the one who killed them. I can't let that happen to anyone; not my family, none of the friends I've made.

"You're in this storm, and you're down on your knees,and you're cold and you're weak and you feel like this is the end ." Healer Demeter was saying, sounding far off as I imagined the scene he was setting within my mind. The cold rain beating into my body like a hundred tiny rocks, my body wracked with shivers from the cold, with nowhere to go. "Are you not still here? You are still here. You don't have to do this alone."

"Hold onto that person who you believe can help you." Healer Demeter continued, his words making Remus appear there with me before I had a chance to even really think about it. I couldn't imagine anyone else who I would want to help me than him. Kind and wonderful Remus, who knows me better than anyone ever has, in either of my lives, and accepts me just as I accept him. "Imagine them, right now, saying that they can't stop the storm right now but they will hold you and keep you warm until the storm passes. Because when they hold you, the storm is still there, but it's okay because they're with you all the way."

I let out a shaky breath, all too easily viewing exactly the picture he painted with his words, and let it out slowly. The panic that had been steadily rising, the overwhelming fear and paranoia, the crippling emotions; I felt the pain where they originated from ease just a tiny bit, right in my lungs. It felt like I had been given a pocket of air so tiny it was just enough to allow me to live. My chest was still tight, I could still feel the fear, but not fighting it made some of it.. Leave.

"You look at emotions like they are tools, things to use when you need them but put away when you think they are hindering your progress or have no purpose. I don't know why you feel that way. The important thing you are missing, the pivotal puzzle piece that has you unable to stop from being paralyzed without hurting yourself, is that confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it."

"But why? Why does it have to be that way?" I asked, my voice trembling as tears slid down my face in rivulets like they rarely have before. Unrestrained. Unhinged. I felt so out of control and while it was terrifying, it was just a little freeing as well, because just a tiny more of the hurt left my chest and I had more air to greedily suck in.

"There is no normal life that is free of pain. It's the very wrestling with our problems that allows us to grow, to become more than we were before we faced them." Healer Demeter explained sincerely, coming to rest a hand on my shoulder. "You have been trying too hard to grow up fast, to be able to, as you said, 'handle anything' that you couldn't see you had frozen yourself in place. It's like trying to help a plant grow without water and sunlight, to gain weight without eating food, cast a spell without the incantation. You don't have to struggle so much, Zephyrus. Lean on those who you can, just as they lean on you, and you will grow stronger together because of it."

I shuddered, more tears falling onto my lap and making the black of my robes darken slightly as they landed. I barely heard the Mind Healer tell me that our session today was over and that he would see me next week, telling me to take my time and to let all of the pent up emotions out that I could, before I heard the door open and receding footsteps.

My vision was blurred from the tears, flowing freely down my face, one after another. I can't remember ever having cried so much at once; it felt like how it looked when someone drained water from their food after boiling it. The used, dirty water is poured down the strainer while the big parts of the meal you've yet to eat are caught in the strainer.

When Remus slung a tentative arm around my shoulder, I buried my face into his crisp uniform and relaxed into his embrace as he tightened his grip on me. It honestly felt like he was trying to anchor me to the ground, to make sure I wouldn't float away from him even as he rubbed soothing circles on my back.

I'm not sure how long I cried in that room with Remus as my support. I cried for the father who murdered me, I cried for the mother that loved me but wasn't there. I cried for Remus, one of the few good people who got dealt a bad hand but played it like it was a royal flush. I cried for the Dad who blamed himself for his son's condition and who was intimidated by his other son. I cried for my Mum, the muggle who bore the bad side of magic with more grace than a lot of witches could in her stead. I cried for the boy who was taught to not feel, who died a traumatic death but didn't get to rest - the boy who woke up, confused and unaware, that would realize the weight of the world was on his shoulders. I cried until there weren't any tears left.

When I had run out of tears, I felt oddly relieved as I stood from the sofa on unsteady feet, stiff limbs protesting the sudden movements of my body. I was drained, my eyes were swollen and probably red as well, and my nose felt stopped up by an insurmountable amount of snot. I carefully wiped my eyes, grabbed the cliche box of tissues from the coffee table between the sofa and chairs, and blew my nose as I eyed Remus.

He looked a little sad, a little relieved, and a little uncomfortable. His eyes were a little wet but nobody would look at him and be able to tell he had been crying right away, unlike myself. I handed the box of tissues out to him silently, watching still as he took two and dabbed at his eyes to collect the water from them. I observed his slightly rumpled uniform with a fond smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, knowing it was from studying outside the door while sitting on the floor. My eyes were drawn to the wet and slightly snotty shoulder of his robe, my nose wrinkling in disgust. I rose my wand silently and spoke a quick cleaning charm to get the snot off of the black fabric before drying the piece of clothing to erase the evidence of the tears.

"Ready to head back?" Remus asked after clearing his throat, his bag thrown over one shoulder.

"Slughorn's essay on the properties of various salamander parts in potions won't write itself, will it?" I asked with fake cheeriness, threading my arm through Remus' and pulling him along with me. Remus spluttered but eventually got me to stop trying to make him skip, keeping up a casual conversation all the way to the seventh floor.

It was exactly what I needed after the stressful session. It almost made me feel guilty when I offered to take his bag to the dorm for him so he could join Sirius and James in the seats near the window we usually occupied. Well, that is what I told him but in reality I wanted to steal from his chocolate stash. Like I said, I came really close to feeling almost guilty. I shrugged it off because I'm pretty sure siblings did this kind of stuff, it's like a rite of passage.

If I woke up the next morning and saw a couple of more pieces of the same chocolate I had taken sitting on my bedside table, I wasn't going to let anyone know, but Remus beamed when he saw the sheepish grin I shot his way for noticing I had taken his chocolate and then giving me more. In return, I disabled the prank Sirius was going to play on Rem, using itching powder in his shampoo, transferring it to James instead.

"SIRIUS!" James shouted at the top of his lungs.

I could hear a sound, which must have been James itching his scalp an excessive amount, following me out of the room as I walked down the steps, whistling a song to myself and smiling just a little bit. Life at Hogwarts very rarely had a dull moment and I could tell it was going to be a great day.

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 **A/N: Thank you for the wonderful reviews :) Another long chapter! Any thoughts on what is going to happen next? Any guesses? Any requests? Review and let me know what you think! Also, is anyone liking the playlist for a chapter thing or should I just stop?**

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 **Music for the Chapter: Song - Artist - Place in chapter**

 **I Lived - Onerepublic - Very beginning of chapter, driving in the car, ends when they get out.**

 **Sweet Dreams - Emily Browning - Dream, when they begin wading into ocean.**

 **Possibility - Lykke Li - Z wakes up in the Hospital Wing after nightmare**

 **Lullaby - Dark Mean - Z afraid to fall back asleep after Dumbledore leaves**

 **I Can't Breathe - Bea Miller -Telling the Healer about his dream**

 **Lullaby For A Stormy Night - Vienna Teng - Remus comes to comfort Z.**

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 **Pairing Voting Poll Results (1st place is 1st on list) : As of 08/23/2017, 3:00AM Eastern Time**

 **Regulus x Zephyrus = 7**

 **Sirius x Zephyrus= 6**

 **James x Zephyrus= 3**

 **OMC x Zephyrus= 1**

 **Regulus in the lead! Voting will officially be over on September 01, 2017 - so make your votes before then!**

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 **Thank you all,**

 **~Rache**


	14. Chapter 13: We're Going To Be Friends

Chapter Thirteen: We're Going To Be Friends

"Hi." I greeted quietly, ducking my head slightly when green eyes looked up to me. I forced a bashful smile on my face, playing the shy boy who didn't know how to ask for something, because I am pretty sure Lily would be more likely to invite me to sit down.

"Oh, Hello. Lupin, right?" Lily asked with her voice a mix between confusion and surprise.

"One of them." I murmured, letting the corners of my lips twitch up. "You can call me Zephyrus though."

"Only if you call me Lily." Lily Evans compromised, pushing some of her long red hair out of the way as she reached a hand out in order to shake mine.

"I can do that!" I agreed, showing my teeth as I smiled and taking the way Lily's eyes crinkled at the corner to be a sign of happiness. "Um… I was wondering… I mean, I know you're really… Flitwick's said you're the best in our year at Charms and with the exam coming up I was wondering…"

"Do you want to sit down?" Lily interrupted kindly, giving a gentle smile that honestly would have put me at ease a little if I wasn't acting.

"You don't mind?" I asked, already swinging my bag down onto the table and sitting in the chair, making Lily giggle quietly into her hand so Madam Pince didn't yell or kick us out of the library.

"No." Lily said quietly, marking the spot she was on and turning to face me more properly. "Do you want to just review?"

"That would be awesome!" I responded, pulling out the _Standard Book of Spells: Grade One_ which contained everything we had covered this year. Lily and I spent the next two hours going over the a large amount of the charms, with me messing up sometimes in the beginning just to stay in line with wanting her help.

I found Lily to be quite charming, she was polite and funny when she wanted to be. A clever witch and absolutely ace at Charms and Potions. I had just managed to turn one of my eyebrows purple while the other remained stubbornly dirty blonde. Madam Pince had been glaring for the past quarter of an hour, so with empty stomachs but high spirits, we packed up our things in order to leave the library.

"That was a lot of fun! I have to admit, I thought you might be a toe rag just because of Potter." Lily confessed, looking a little ashamed for judging me before getting to know me. "I should know better because that's exactly the behavior that led to Potter, Black, and Sev constantly being at one another's throats."

I frowned, wondering how many times I had not been around when James and Sirius were inflicting a prank on Snape. I had been a lot more busy than I thought, I was less observant than I thought (doubtful), or James and Sirius were far more sneaky and conniving that I gave them credit for.

"That's okay, Lily." I told her, smiling warmly as we walked up the fourth floor staircase towards the fifth floor. "It's human nature to pre-judge people, I won't hold it against you. There's a lot more to James and Sirius then first glance might say as well."

"What about your brother?" Lily asked, her eyebrows raised in skepticism at even the suggestion that there may be layers to Sirius Black and especially James Potter. Merlin, sometimes I miss seeing through the eyes of a child because of how simple, neat, and black and white everything was.

"Remus is the best human being in the world." I told her in a mock whisper, winking conspiratorially to increase the dramatic - something I had apparently picked up from Sirius. "Honestly though, Remus is great. Dependable, Caring, Intelligent, Funny, Loyal. I've honestly never met someone like him."

"What is it like to have a twin?" Lily asked curiously, twirling a piece of red hair in her fingers as she waited for me to answer.

"It's hard to describe." I said, thinking it over. This wasn't the first time I, or Remus, had been asked that question but it never got easier to answer. "I'd say it's like being born with a best friend."

"What about twin telepathy?" Lily asked eagerly, eyes bright, before she saw my amused look brought on by her excitement and her pale face turned red. "Sorry, I've just always wondered."

"It's okay." I assured her, smiling as I thought about one interesting story. "Well, I can't hear his thoughts, but sometimes it's like we get impressions off of one another. There was a day that I was sick and Mum was taking care of me; Remus had wanted to go play outside and we were always very careful so Mum let him. It was while my Mum was making soup that I felt this sharp pain in my back, I mean it hurt, and I knew it was because Remus fell from a tree."

"Wow." Lily said, looking enchanted at the idea. "Was it?"

"Yeah, I called my Mum and told her I thought Remus fell from a tree. Lo and behold, Remus had tried to climb one we usually would have together and got a bruised tailbone for his efforts." I laughed, remembering fondly the way Remus had pouted at me when he was forced to stay in bed until it could heal.

"My sister and I used to be close." Lily confided, looking sad at having to use the past tense when talking about her relationship with Petunia. "Tuni and I were nearly inseparable but when we found out I could do magic but she couldn't… She's hated me ever since."

"It's not your fault, Lily." I told her firmly, patting her back affectionately. "You didn't ask for magic, well not more than any other kid, and as unfortunate as it is there is no way for your sister to become magical."

"Do you think she will come around though?" Lily asked, her voice small and tinged with a hint of desperation that pulled at my heart minutely. "Once we are older, I mean? Surely she can't stay mad forever."

I hesitated, which Lily noticed instantly and caused her to bow her head with a small sniffle. I gently tugged on her arm, pulling her into a tight hug, and she returned the embrace after the initial surprise.

"Do you know how hard it would be for someone who always grew up wealthy to understand the life of someone who was poor?" I asked Lily, my mind briefly flashing to James and Sirius before refocusing on the red headed witch in front of me who had nodded in confirmation. "Well, imagine how much more difficult it would be if those two grew up together - then, even though one of them didn't do anything in particular to deserve it, one of them gets rich. The child who was i poverty and now has money has to adjust to different expectations, rules, customs, and will meet different people than they would have simply because they have money. The poor ,sibling watches as someone who was once they're equal and loved one, is now living a 'glamorous' life while they are stuck in the same day-to-day life of someone struggling to make ends meet."

"Oh." Lily said, her mouth opening in complete shock. "I can't believe I never thought of that. She doesn't think I'm a freak - she misses me and hates that she can't be apart of the 'glamorous' life with me because of her lack of 'money.'"

"Exactly!" I said, smiling in order to prevent the grimace threatening to escape. "I think it depends on how hard you try, but it's not impossible to reconnect with her."

"You're right!" Lily agreed, clenching her jaw in determination. "I'm getting my sister back this summer."

"That's great, Lily." I said, thinking for a moment before mentally shrugging because I had said this much anyway. "Two things you should know: One, it will never be the same as it was before you knew about magic. Your lives, experiences, customs, education, politics, and even your thought processing will be altered from hers. With that in mind, build a great base because if nothing else, that should survive. The second thing is that you need to make a conscious effort to talk about her life, the normal muggle one as boring as it may be to you now. You need to talk about it just as much if not more than anything having to do with magic or school."

"What kind of base?" asked Lily, slowing down as we entered the Seventh Floor corridor and trying to prolong the length of our walk.

"The foundation of your relationship. Shared memories, experiences, interests. Just try to find a steady, peaceful, stable middle ground with your sister. You're uniquely qualified to do this because you grew up as a muggle - you know what it's like to be one of them. It's still a part of you, a part of your childhood, and it WILL help you reconnect with your sister." I said, confidently enough to make Lily beam at my enthusiasm.

"That makes so much sense. Give her as little to be jealous about as possible, try to include her in anyway I can, find common ground, and show an interest in her life even if it is boring without magic." Lily said, counting off her miniature goals on her fingers.

"The jealously may never fade away completely." I warned Lily, bringing her back down from Cloud Nine. "I do think your sister is in pain, feeling abandoned, and that once you start helping to heal whatever wound caused this between you two, she should be more open to strengthening your relationship."

"I can do that." Lily said, nodding to herself and biting the corner of her lip in what I had already noticed meant she was thinking. "Any other advice?"

My mind went back to the first time I was allowed to see Remus after he had been bitten and I climbed up to hold him in an attempt to comfort him. I remember Remus asking me why I didn't care that he was a Werewolf, why didn't I look at him any different because of it.

"If I were you, I'd make sure to say…" I started slowly, considering whether I wanted to reveal this without asking Rem about it first. It shouldn't cause any harm or help any revelation come together about a Werewolf in the school grounds. "That she was your sister before you became a witch, she's been your sister during your time as a witch, and will continue to be your sister for as long as the universe will let you two be."

"Thank you so much, Z!" Lily exclaimed in gratitude, her surprisingly dainty figure being able to crush mine in an extremely tight hug. She was stronger than she looked.

"No problem." I assured her, my eyes glancing up the hall towards the portrait of The Fat Lady.

"It is a big deal though! I feel like I can actually do this." Lily said happily, then shyly looking down on the floor as if afraid to admit something. "Sev isn't really good at this kind of advice. More of a potions kind of guy not a people one."

I snorted, glancing at Lily and glad to notice that she hadn't taken offence to my verbal mocking of Snape's less than admirable 'people skills'. I nudged her playfully, bouncing ahead a few paces ahead so that I reached the portrait first. I did a ridiculous and over the top bow, gesturing for her to enter the common room and following behind her as she did so.

We went our separate ways, both of us probably leaving in order to attempt to get more of this monstrous Defence Against the Dark Arts essay finished since it was due in two days. One of those nights was a full moon, so I wanted to make sure mine was ready just in case Remus forgets a couple inches and needed to copy off of me.

I was glad I chose to get to know the fiery, muggle-born Gryffindor. I felt only a smidgen of guilt for my desire to become Lily's friend so that Snape may be my friend by association. I'll need his help, it is literally life or death, and having another friend than the girl he is obsessed with may be a good thing for him. Anyway, that may have been the initial motivation to become Lily's friend but I was going to keep being her friend because she was passionate, kind, and intelligent. She actually reminded me a lot of Rem except with a way shorter fuse.

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"That sounds like bollocks to me." Sirius said flatly, the normally ever present grin absent from his face, leaving him with an infuriatingly stoic expression. Sirius turned to his best friend and gestured towards me, letting out a breath and walking away. It was almost like he said ' I can't deal with him. You need to take care of this.' "James?"

"No offence, mate, but it does sound a bit far fetched." James said sheepishly, his face somehow accusatory, sheepish, hurt, and determined all at once. It made me shudder to think about feeling all of those at once, let alone expressing them as well.

"Now why, please tell, would my brother visiting our Mum, who is restricted from any activity that requires leaving her bed, be as you so eloquently put it.. bullocks?" I asked with a slight drawl to my voice, leaning casually against the wall of our dormitory, and using all the knowledge I had about body language to broadcast I was slightly annoyed, bored, and most importantly - trustworthy. I kept my arms uncrossed as well as my legs to convey I wasn't closed off or hiding anything, wore a blue shirt because people associate it with integrity, and I was positive I hadn't sounded defensive.

"Well, I guess it could be true." James said slowly, his hand coming up to tussle his already wild black hair.

"James! Come on! That's a bunch of dragon dung and we all know it." Sirius scowled, shooting a look full of hurt, curiosity, and exasperation. "You know he is lying, I know he is lying, and he knows he is doing it as well."

"Why would I lie about something like that, Sirius?" I asked tiredly, the exhaustion from only sleeping a couple of hours last night finally catching up to do.

"I don't know. To hide something valuable, or a girlfriend, or any number of things!" Sirius shouted and threw his hands up into the air, sneering at me as his next words were spoken. "I wouldn't have to guess if you would just tell us."

"Have you ever thought that it may not be my secret to tell?" I bit back, not liking the snide expression or the disdain in his voice. He was trying to get me riled up, an eight year old version of myself would've been able to tell to be honest. (The actual eight year old, not the fourteen going on eight year old that I was in this life.) "Have either of you ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, it's none of your bloody business in the first place?"

"Don't do that." James replied instantly, elaborating what exactly he didn't want me to do when I gave him a bewildered and questioning look. "It's not fair for you to try to make us feel guilty about caring. We just want to know what's going on with our other two best mates. Why does Remus disappear every month and then come back in worse shape than he was in when he left? Why have you been covering for him for so long? If it isn't your secret, then whose secret is it?"

Literally there was nothing more I wanted to do this minute, this very bloody second even, than to jump up and down on all the mattresses in our dorm shouting the word Werewolf. I glanced over at the calendar I had brought from home that showed all the dates but also what day the full moon would occur. I watched James hazel eyes, trained to be able to track the unnatural speed possessed by the snitch, flicker over to my calendar thoughtfully. Also, Sirius could sometimes get into his bitchy or brooding moods, but he is honestly on my ass about it this week.

"Look, I know there are things I don't know about you or your home lives, so don't be so quick to condemn or get angry if I don't feel like doing." I said, a strange feeling of calm dispersing inside me and making my head stop pounding as well. I stressed the last two words, pointedly looking at Sirius, and settled on top of my bed with a tired groan before collapsing backwards. "I can't tell you even if I wanted to. Just trust me when I say Remus is as safe as he can be, he is a lot stronger than he looks, and maybe one day we can scrap the need for the cloak and dagger stuff. Now, I am going to bed. No questions."

"Zephyrus! Wait, can't -?" Sirius grunted as he was cut off mid sentence by James brother himself. Shaking my head in amusement at the two. "What the hell is your problem, James? That bloody hurt."

"Stop being a dramatic git." I distantly heard James tell Sirius to hurry up."

"I think I know what the secret is they are hiding but I need to research it a little bit more." James

It honestly felt as though I closed the curtains, closed my eyes, and then a minute later I was being shaken awake. I tried to basically snarl and bite at whoever was attempting to wake me, but they were too quick with their hands. I heard some kind of shuffling around my bed, always a warning sign, so I sighed and as soon as I felt the blankets being tugged on, I waited until it was completely taut, before letting them go.

"Ow!" I heard Sirius complain from in front of my four poster. I could imagine the exact facial expression and I made no effort to muffle the sound of my snicker as I heard Sirius pick himself back up. I opened my curtain and to my displeasure, saw the sun was just now rising into the sky. It had to be six in the morning if not earlier.

"I hope there was a good reason you two woke me up at the crack of dawn." I said through clenched teeth, practically feeling steam come out of my ears. "I swear to god if this prank isn't the most amazing one you have ever done, I'll kill you both."

"It's not a prank." James assured me as he rubbed his hand through his hair a couple of times, belying to me how nervous he is with that habit alone. He looked stressed, worried, and like he was feeling way too much.

"You really aren't helping your case." I told them, patience wearing thin. Sirius was also uncharacteristically anxious in his movements, almost walking in circles around the desk. I watched James go down in the basement. James mumbled something to Sirius from where they were on the other side of the room, so they could have some semblance of privacy. I saw James frowning, shaking his head in the universal symbol for no.

"Bloody hell you two!" I shouted, "Just spit it ou-"

"We know Remus is a werewolf." Sirius said in one breath, eyes wide open as both he and James stared at me. I froze, staring at them calmly, the only outward clue that I was nervous being the way I rolled my wand between my fingers. They weren't supposed to find out until second year. That's… different. I sat down on my bed, my breath coming out as a deep sigh, James and Sirius both watching me warily.

"Fuck."

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 **A/N: Thanks for reading everyone! This chapter was kind of short in comparison but I felt like that was where I needed to leave it for now. So, Lily and Z are becoming friends, the other half of the Marauder's now know Remus' secret. Yay! Review!**

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 **Playlist for the Chapter = Song-Artist-Placement**

 **We're going to be friends - The White Stripes- (Z approached Lily in library)**

 **It Ends Tonight - All American Rejects - (Z being confronted by Sirius and James.)**

* * *

 **Pairing Voting Poll Result: Black brothers are once again tied! Who will win the heart of poor, dysfunctional Zephyrus? Find out in next week's episode!**

 **Regulus: 7**

 **Sirius: 7**

 **James: 3**

 **Other: 1**

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 **Review! Favorite! Follow!**

 ***P.S. I will only count your vote once, I noticed someone had been voting almost every chapter! Sorry :(**

 **~Rache**


	15. Chapter 14: Origins of The Musky Tears

Chapter Fourteen: Origins of the Musky Tears

"That wasn't bad at all." Remus commented mildly, looking over at me with a surprised look on his face.

"You studied so much I'm shocked they aren't going to ask you to teach the class next year." Sirius replied playfully, sniggering at his own joke until James pushed him on the shoulder hard enough to cause him to stumble. This started a war between the two competitive lads which consisted of them pushing each other, harder and harder, until I snapped and smacked them over the head. This made them realize, while rubbing the now sore spots on their heads, that a truce was beneficial to everyone.

"I am just glad it is almost summer time." I confessed as I flopped down on the soft grass by the beech tree only a few paces from the Black Lake.

I put my hands behind my head, getting comfortable, and watched clouds drifting in the light breeze. It was cumulus clouds today, my favorite for cloud watching, and I drifted in and out as I distinguished shapes hidden within the fluffy depths. My mind went back to when James and Sirius confronted me about Remus' lycanthropy. I made them promise that they would wait until after exams to tell him, so he wouldn't freak out or something crazy. Today was the last exam and judging by the way James and Sirius keep looking at me, we were about to have the conversation.

"Hey, Rem?" James started tentatively, smiling pleasantly at his dorm mate but it was easy to see the nervousness underneath if you knew to look. I could tell Remus felt like something was off too.

"Yes?" Remus asked warily, connecting eyes with me and some of the panic quieting as I gave a reassuring smile, sitting up from my reclined position and closing off the circle the others had unconsciously formed.

"It's kind of hard to know how to say this…" James said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and obviously thinking about the best way to break it to him. Sirius, whether by choice or absent mindedness, was far less concerned with being tactful.

"We know you're a werewolf." Sirius told him bluntly with an uncharacteristically serious expression on his young face.

Remus was eerily silent and his eyes were downcast, making it difficult to tell how he was feeling. I wanted to say something but stopped myself, figuring it was best to let him sort through his emotions before attempting to speak with him.

"Okay." Remus said finally after a long, tense silence with three sets of eyes focused on him. I started to smile, pleasantly surprised by how well he was reacting, but his next words made my lips shift into a frown instead. "I can speak with Headmaster Dumbledore before we leave and ask him to put me in another dorm, maybe by myself."

"Remus-" I objected, only for him to cut me off.

"It's fine, Z, you can stay with them. Just because I'm a monster doesn't mean you have to lose your friends as well." Remus said solemnly

"What if we don't want you to move out of our dorm?" James asked loudly, hazel eyes narrowed behind his wire rimmed glasses.

"What?" Remus asked dumbfoundedly

"What if we don't want you to move out of our dorms?" James repeated, slower this time but emphasizing every word as he spoke. "And, while we are at it, who says you can suddenly decide who my friends are?"

"I-I don't-" Remus stammered, his amber eyes wide and disbelieving, darting from James to Sirius like he was watching a table tennis match.

"Yeah, if I can't get my own room there's no way you're allowed to." Sirius pitched in, making my small smile turn into an all out grin as I watched Remus' face. "Besides, we are like those muggle guys who were all for one another! The Musky Tears!"

I choked on my laughter and heard Remus' laugh, a tad bit watery from unshed tears, at Sirius' declaration. Sirius was fascinated by muggle culture but he often mispronounced things or made references that made absolutely no sense after he was finished butchering them - such as The Musky Tears.

"Yes, and everyone will run in the direction when they smell the combined odor of The Musky Tears!" James announced, putting his hands on his hips like a superhero with his voice as serious as a heart attack.

"Get down." I laughed, yanking James down by his arm and watching in pure amusement as he collapsed into a pile of awkward limbs - James was all skinny legs and arms ever since his growth spurt a month ago. "It's The Musketeers and they were all for one, one for all."

"Well, we could kick James' out if anyone." Sirius mused, dodging the rock James tossed at him half heartedly and ignoring me completely as if he had known it was The Musketeers all along. Honestly, it was hard to tell with Sirius because it may have been something he got wrong on purpose to make Remus laugh. That was what Sirius does when someone is upset, he makes them laugh, even if it is at his own expense. "I mean, I would rather James leave than you Remus - have you heard the guy snore? It's ridiculous."

"Hey!" James cried out, pretending to be offended. "I'm not the one who leaves his bloody books and clothes laying around all over the place!"

"I should get my own room just for putting up with you idiots." I interjected snarkily, the grin on my face and my tone of voice contradicting the barb.

"Who are you-" James exclaimed

"As if you don't-" Sirius voiced

The words were garbled after that as the wonder duo talked over one another, words coming in and out about how I would always be late if I lived by myself, that I would grow old without them there to make me have fun, and a whole heap of other nonsense. I shook my head fondly, observing as Remus looked between the pair with watery eyes. James and Sirius, I am sure, noticed this as well but did nothing to point it out as they continued to ramble. Neither of them were particularly ace at articulating feelings, so this was their way of telling Remus they accepted him - that his condition changed nothing, in their eyes.

I flopped happily onto my back, content with the way things had gone, and resumed watching the fluffy bits of cloud in the sky slowly make their way across the expanse of blue. Without taking my eyes off of the clouds, I reached out to grasp Remus' hand in my own, giving a gentle and reassuring squeeze. The grateful squeeze I got back was more than enough for me and I felt more at ease than I had in weeks as I watched the sky with James and Sirius bickering in the background. My therapist, in our last session of the school year, told me I needed to be more present and focus on the good things in my life. I dozed off thinking he would probably be proud that I was taking his advice and relaxing a little.

* * *

"What about the wolf pack?" Sirius asked

"No." I dismissed, adjusting his hand from the weird shape it was in currently so that it was in the correct shape instead.

"Why not?" Sirius whined as I let go of his hand to look at the position I forced it into.

"You need to move your index finger down a little." I advised, ignoring his questions.

"Ugh, why does this have to be so technical!" Sirius huffed, moving his finger even as he complained. "And why not the wolf pack? I think it sounds cool."

"It's technical because it's a language." I answered patiently, refraining from rolling my eyes at his ridiculousness. "And the wolf pack does not sound cool - it sounds like a crappy band destined to play in pubs for the rest of their lives."

"But if I did what I was doing, wouldn't you be able to tell what I was trying to say?" Sirius asked, ignoring my jab at his suggested name.

"Most likely." I responded, shrugging.

"Then why does it have to be exactly like this?" Sirius asked

"Because, if you took every vowel out of a sentence I could probably understand what you were attempting to convey. It doesn't mean you should do it though because it's more work for the person you're signing to - all because of your laziness." I said snippily, moving his finger back to the proper position again. "Besides, you were the one who wanted to learn. I refuse to have you signing sloppily and butchering another language when I am the one teaching you the aforementioned language. It would reflect badly on me."

"I asked you to teach me when I thought it was just cool stuff, like about pranks or 'missions'. Not to learn every letter and every word." Sirius specified

"I'm not skipping to the 'cool parts' Sirius." I said, exasperation dripping from every word. "If you are going to learn, you are going to learn the proper way. You can do the fun stuff when you know the whole language, just like Remus and I."

"But you two are so bloody perfect at it." Sirius whined, this time causing me to roll my eyes.

"I wonder why?" I asked sarcastically "Could it be because we… practiced?"

"Practice is boring." Sirius grumbled

"Yes, it is. It's also necessary." I said pointedly, sighing as I saw his eyes focus behind me for the twelfth time since I began teaching him sign language. I didn't have to turn around or be a mind reader to know what exactly he was looking at longingly. James had convinced Remus to get on a broom and gave him a crash course on passing a quaffle so that Remus would be able to help him practice. James was going to try out for the Quidditch team this coming year so he had been living, breathing, and probably eating Quidditch so he could snag a position on the Gryffindor team.

"Alright, go on then." I relented, barely preventing myself from rolling my own eyes again when Sirius used his self proclaimed 'puppy dog' look imploringly. Admittedly, with his aristocratic features that were already becoming more pronounced as he lost more baby fat and his dark grey eyes framed by eyelashes that were quite thick for a bloke, he made for an adorable picture. It may have worked if I couldn't see, having known him for a year now, the mischievous expression lying just underneath the innocent one.

"Wicked!" Sirius cheered, longing quickly erased by eager anticipation as he lept up from the grass and headed towards the tree his own broom was propped up against, yelling out at me behind his shoulder. "Thanks for the lesson!"

"Yeah whatever." I muttered good naturedly, calling out to him as he raced away. "You better practice, you wanker! I'm not spending all summer doing this for nothing!"

Sirius lifted up a hand in silent acknowledgement, eyes on his broomstick and then the sky when he finally reached the tree and mounted the piece of wood. Huffing in fond exasperation, I leaned back into the grass so I could comfortably watch them goof around in the air. Now that James and Sirius both knew Remus' secret, the four of us were closer than ever and all of us were currently staying at Potter Manor with James and his parents, Dorea and Fleamont.

Sirius had been here since the third day after we got off the Hogwarts Express, I'm pretty sure, only visiting home when he was forced to by Walburga and Orion black, his parents. Dorea and Fleamont both welcomed him with open arms as if they already knew him, which they honestly felt like they did considering how much James talked about not just Sirius but also Remus and I in his letters home. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were both very warm and welcoming, both of them seemingly overjoyed that James found such good friends. Mr. Potter joked that he was glad Sirius, and now Remus and I, were spending so much time at the Manor because Dorea and he got tired chasing James around everywhere. It was hard not to be comfortable around the older couple, they made it exceedingly easy to be at ease with their welcoming and warm demeanors.

Remus and I had arrived only a week ago, a few days after Remus' most recent transformation, because Mum and Dad found out Mum's sister was ill; Mum and Dad, after checking multiple times that it was actually fine with the Potters, decided to leave us here while they visited Aunt Peggy so they could help out around her house while her husband was away on business. That was how Remus and I found ourselves, exactly one week ago, outside the gate of Potter Manor with our trunks and a promise from both of our parents that they would be back to get us prior to the next full moon. There were two more weeks until we would see our parents and despite being worried, mostly because we could not communicate using owls since Mum's family didn't know about magic, we were having a great time as guests here.

When Remus and I both got back home I was going to meet up with Lily and 'a friend of hers that actually went to school with us', whom I knew would be Severus Snape, at Diagon Alley to get ice cream and browse through the stores for a day before the back to school crowds flooded the cobblestone streets. Lily, as I was finding out, was not only intelligent and compassionate but also had quite the sarcastic streak - much more snarky than I originally guessed she would be. It made liking her easy and, though it started out as a way to get to know Severus Snape, I found I enjoyed her company quite a bit and was content with my decision to befriend her.

"Woohoo!" I heard James shout, sounding immensely satisfied and drawing both my eyes and attention back to the area they were playing in. Sirius was playing Keeper and guarding the white, floating quidditch hoops that Mr. Potter had conjured for James earlier to aide with practice. James and Remus had been passing the quaffle between one another with James finally being the one to take the shot for a chance to score - which, if his victorious outcry was anything to go by, he had succeeded in doing.

They resumed playing after a moment and my eyes drifted away from them as I settled into my thoughts again. I was trying to relax as much as I could allow myself to for now, not worrying about the horcruxes or becoming an animagus for the entire summer. I needed a break and aside from hopefully befriending Severus Snape, I avoided thinking about Voldemort and everything else that seemed to hang above my head like a dark cloud. My nightmares, as a result, had become infrequent and I no longer suffered from insomnia as bad. It was better… I was better. I smiled when I heard the other three yelling and laughing as they flew on the broomsticks - I wish times could remain this simple forever.

* * *

"You have your wand?"

"Yes."

"You have your money, muggle and wizard?"

"Yes."

"You know how you are going to get to-"

"Yes, Mum, yes." I said impatiently, wiping the sour look off of my face when Mum raised her eyebrows at me in that dangerous way only her and Remus managed. "Sorry.."

"Now, I know you think you are an adult but-" Mum started, a lecture rolling off her tongue in a way that was second nature, like breathing.

"Oh leave the boy alone, Hope." Dad called out from his chair, eyes skimming the morning paper. "Zephyrus has a good head on his shoulders. He knows to be careful."

"Just because he doesn't act like a child does not mea-" Hope began, making me straighten up and grab the muffin in her hand hurriedly.

"Going to be late, Mum, love you." I voiced, already moving towards the door after giving her a swift kiss on the cheek to appease her. I called out behind me, over my Dad's snort of laughter at my hasty departure. "Bye, Dad, tell Remus I'll see him tonight."

"Remember to be home before-" Mum called out as a last reminder, the door muffling the rest of her sentence. I finished the sentence for her, in my head yet eerily enough in her voice, ' _be home by Eight tonight'._

I walked a ways down our street, glancing around casually to check for Muggles, before raising my wand hand and waiting by the curb. Moments later, a rush of wind and clunking of luggage coming to a sudden stop announced the arrival of The Knight Bus.

"Ernie." I greeted, stepping onto the first level of the bus and glancing at the other occupants.

"Young Mr. Zephyrus, where are you going today?" Ernie questioned

"Diagon Alley, Ernie." I replied, taking a seat towards the front and wrapping my hand around the cord provided as a means of keeping one's balance. This was not the first time I have taken the Knight Bus, and as much as I'm ashamed to admit it, the wonder had worn off significantly. We zipped in and out of traffic at a high speed and I watched the world zip by as blurs of color in the meantime. There were only three other people on this level of the Knight Bus, two older women and one dark skinned man who appeared to be asleep in his seat.

"Leaky Cauldron." Ernie called out as we pulled to a stop and I stood easily, using the pole unconsciously as a brace as my legs got their balance once more, before handing the required amount of knuts over to Ernie and disembarking from the bus. The street where The Leaky Cauldron was located had very little traffic today and I paid it no attention as I stepped confidently into the dingy pub.

I waved at Tom, who nodded his head in acknowledgement even though he was in the middle of pouring a drink for a customer, and made my way to the back of the building. Opening the rickety old door, I stepped into the small space and tapped the necessary bricks to enter Diagon Alley. After waiting patiently for the bricks to cease moving, eyes flicking around the busy wizarding shopping area impassively, I joined the hustle and bustle so that I could make my way to the store I was meeting Lily and her friend, Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor.

Following the flow of traffic, I finally reached my destination and used my elbows to break away from the crowd of people threatening to carry me along with them on whatever business brought them to Diagon Alley. Stepping into the Florean's, the first thing I noticed was the girl with flaming red hair sitting down at a table facing the doorway. Across from her was a figure with long, lanky black hair who was bowing their head.

"Zephyrus!" Lily called happily, lifting her arm as if to capture his attention.

"You don't need to raise your hand, Lily, your hair does that for you." I teased, sliding comfortably into the seat Lily had pushed out for me with her foot.

"Yes, yes. Make fun of the girl with red hair - as if that wasn't old the second week." Lily deadpanned

"Aw, I quite like your hair. Easy to spot you, draws attention away from me, the way-" I began rattling off all of the reasons I once wrote down in a list after first making Lily's acquaintance.

"Okay, Z!" Lily laughed, shaking her head. She seemed casual enough but I could tell by the odd pitch to her voice and body language that she was nervous - my guess was the introduction between myself and Severus, considering James all but tortured the lad. Lily's hand went to smooth her skirt, a nervous habit she had gained at Hogwarts, only to realize she was wearing denim trousers instead of the Hogwarts uniform. "Ah, Zephyrus this is Severus Snape, Sev this is Zephyrus. I think you two know one another already?"

Lily's voice was growing steadily more and more tense as she spoke and I interrupted her before she could continue rambling. No reason this needed to be more awkward than it was because Lily over shared. I stretched my hand out and smiled politely at Severus, who had a sallow look on his face that was slowly being changed to a surprised look instead.

"We know of one another, I believe, but I'm afraid I've never had the pleasure of being introduced formally to you, Severus." I said casually as I met his unreadable onyx black eyes. My hand was left stretched out between us, the moment quickly becoming awkward, and my brain scrambled for the first thing to stop the awkward - common ground. "Lily speaks quite highly of you."

Severus seemed pleased that Lily had mentioned him at all and finally took my hand for a quick handshake. His hands were pale, long, and thin compared to my own more tanned, rough hands. I kept the smile firmly plastered on my face and asked him how his summer had been thus far. Severus looked wary that I was asking him anything let alone attempting to exchange pleasantries but one look at Lily's hopeful expression had him begrudgingly answering.

"The summer has been productive enough. Despite the restriction against using magic outside of school." Severus proffered, his voice and facial expression souring when he mentioned the restriction on magic outside of school. Instantly I jumped on the topic, recognizing a potential area for common ground that was not based around Lily Evans.

"Annoying, isn't it?" I commented, rolling my eyes a little. "I mean, I understand not attempting anything overtly dangerous or over our heads - but how can they assign homework over the holiday but not allow us to use magic - for our MAGICAL classes."

"Indeed." Severus agreed dryly, lip curling slightly. "Just another way for the ministry to feel as though they have control over everything."

I snorted, not having to fake my amusement or my stance on that. "The Ministry of Magic is stretched too thin. They try to regulate everything like our population is still significantly smaller than it is currently - their problem, as it's always been, is that they are afraid of change. Stuck in their ways."

"Some ways should be kept to." Severus countered, eyes narrowing slightly but not in a malicious manner. More as if he was… probing, seeing how I felt about the matter by offering a contradicting point of view. It was a classic debate, actually, and I eagerly jumped into it.

"Some things should not change, that is true." I conceded, suppressing my smirk at Severus' ill hidden disdain at my easy compromise. Most likely he was thinking I did not have the backbone or knowledge to support my opinion but he was in for a surprise because if I did not have reasons validating an opinion, I did not offer my opinion for others to hear. "However, all things do need to be reviewed. For instance, we have had the same trace on wands for centuries but it is common knowledge that if another adult witch or wizard is in the house, then the trace won't be activated. This gives a clear advantage to those of us whom come from magical backgrounds which cements the idea that muggleborns are not as capable. Truly, it is just that they are not given the same advantages and resources Purebloods or even half-bloods are."

Lily, Severus, and I sat in the ice cream parlor for over an hour as we discussed the pro's and cons of the Ministry of Magic and the outdated systems it utilized. Each of us were highly opinionated, well read, and passionate about our stances - most of which were similar with minor differences. The last quarter of an hour it had honestly turned from an intellectual debate into complaining about how much better The Ministry could be ran and stupid laws that were still in place despite no one knowing about them or following them anymore.

"Iphera the Idiot actually managed to pass the law that using transfiguration on bee's is illegal because they were too precious to the Earth's ecosystem and the overall balance of the world would be disrupted should irreversible changes be made to a bee." Lily ranted incredulously, her voice making it quite clear how big of an idiot she thought the person was who allowed THE idiot to get that law passed.

"Okay, that one is pretty bonkers." I agreed, grinning a little at Lily's face.

"The law is STILL, technically speaking, in effect! Despite no charges in over three hundred years." Lily scoffed, her red hair catching the light and making it appear as though she had a halo of fire around her head.

"That's because no Ministry employees working in the Magical Law Enforcement Division have read the entire law book in the past three centuries, Lily." Sever drawled, making both Lily and I stifle our laughter. Lily's eyes drifted to the clock hanging above the register and her eyes widened, which in turn made me glance towards the clock.

"Has it really been over an hour already?" Lily asked rhetorically, smoothing down her hair. It was obvious to me that Severus was as surprised by the amount of time that had passed as well, making me quite happy. I feel as though we were getting along rather swimmingly despite the animosity between Severus, James, and Sirius.

"Time flies when you're having fun." I commented lightly, watching in thinly veiled amusement at the instant look of denial on Severus' face. His eyes latched onto my own, mouth already parted to more than likely vehemently disagree about him partaking in anything resembling fun let alone with a Gryffindor who was not Lily Evans, but he stopped himself before saying anything.

"Yes, Severus?" I asked teasingly

"I know what you're doing." Severus retorted with a glower on his face but I could tell he was bemused underneath the snarky front he was hiding behind. I had baited him on purpose, knowing he would react, and he also knew this - so, either he reacted but hated that he gave me the satisfaction of invoking a reaction or he ignored the bait and inadvertently agreed to enjoying my company by NOT contradicting my statement. Put simply, he was in between a rock and a hard place.

"How Slytherin of you, Lupin." Severus sneered without any real heat. For a moment, Severus' lips twitched at the corners and because of that I took the comment as a compliment. My smile dropped a fraction after Severus' next words. "I agree the time passed rather quickly but the unwatched kettle always boils faster - no matter the company one keeps."

My jaw dropped a little at the clean verbal maneuver he just created on the spot in order to get the last word in as well as refuse to be boxed into the metaphorical, conversational corner. I was impressed as much as it pains me to admit it even to myself. It was a side step worthy of a seasoned politician and I was just out maneuvered by a twelve year old. I continued to stare at Severus and it now appeared as though he was having to make a genuine effort to keep his face expressionless.

"Well, you can't out Slytherin a Slytherin." Lily managed to joke in between bursts of suppressed giggles, her eyes moving from Severus to myself as if waiting for something.

"You can't out Slytherin a Slytherin." I agreed ruefully, extending my hand to shake Severus'. This time he did not hesitate as he gripped my hand confidently, a victorious smirk without a trace of maliciousness in it plastered on his face. It was a game at which he excelled and he had won the match, I realized, this was exactly what had just happened between us.

Lily, Severus, and I all left the store to continue our shopping. We had to hurry a bit more between stores because of the amount of time we spent at the Ice Cream parlor but at seven o'clock in the evening we were all finished. We trudged through the Leaky Cauldron, tired feet and money purses that were much lighter than they had been in the morning, and I stopped outside The Leaky Cauldron to say goodbye to Lily and Severus because they were taking muggle transportation while I was going to use the Knight Bus to get back home.

I gave Lily a fierce hug, promising to write at least twice prior to seeing her on September First. I turned to Severus and once again extended my hand so that he may shake it and once again he did not hesitate to grab my hand as he had the first time. His gaze was appraising, as we both let go of the other's hand. To my pleasure, instead of the curiosity, wariness, and slight disdain that had been present in the Slytherin's eyes this morning instead I found curiosity, wariness, and respect - something that felt like a huge accomplishment and allowed me to feel my own sense of pride much in the same way Severus had.

Another step was finished, the roadwork laid out, and now I had to cultivate the tiny seed planted in Severus today. I was resigned that, for people to believe you wholeheartedly and trust you, you had to be what I was always told was 'compromised'. People could sense when you were holding yourself back, when you were constantly faking something. No, I was aware going in this time that there was a distinct possibility that I may grow to like Severus Snape. I was also aware that despite what I may feel about him later on down the road, he was still an asset. An asset that, much like one would cultivate the last field of crops before the winter, I must sow and reap what I could from him in order to survive later on. Perhaps I could avoid any sort of betrayal, perhaps I could not; Severus taught me a valuable lesson that I had forgotten since my time here. When you could not find an exit, sometimes you must make your own exit. It is something I promised myself, on the ride home aboard The Knight Bus, that I would keep in the back of my mind during the years to come.

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 **A/N: Woohoo! Chapter Fourteen was a STRUGGLE people, let me tell you. I apologize for the long delay but one, of the very numerous, reasons that I could never be a professional writer is because I cannot and will not force words down onto paper. It makes me not like it, second guess myself, and dread attempting to write.**

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 **Chapter Fourteen Playlist: Song - Artist - Scene**

 **Lost Boy - Ruth B. - Sirius and James confront Remus about being a werewolf.**

 **Here Comes The Sun - Yuna (Cover) - Sirius runs to get his broom**

 **Beat of my Drum - POWERS - Stepping off the Knight Bus (arriving at The Leaky)**

 **The Gentle Roar - Niki & The Dove - Leaving Lily and Severus**

* * *

 **Now, as I mentioned above about being sorry of the delay, I want to explain it to you guys. I have severe ADD and so that, which many of you may or may not have been wondering about, is why I have so many stories going at one time.**

 **My mind is constantly bouncing around ideas and I move between two, now three since I began Map of Your Head, main ones and the others are just there in case I need a break or get bored. Not that I care about them less, just that it is more like these three are my 'pieces' that I have put a bunch of effort and time into cultivating while the others are rough ideas that I enjoyed at the time or want to put down so I can pick it up without forgetting about it.**

 **Anyway! Thank you so, so much for all the support and lovely things you all have said. A special thank you to those of you who have been with me since the begining and an even BIGGER special thank you to those of you who enjoy my writing enough to follow me as I dabble in various Fandoms and then continue to support me on each piece. Seriously, that makes me so freaking happy that I cannot even express it into words. It's just… You guys Rock. Capital R.**

* * *

 **PAIRING NOTIFICATION: Alright, so after tallying all the votes that were in prior to September 1st in both the reviews and PM's (some of you tricky devils voted more than once; nice try! ;) ))….. The Winner of our Voting Pool and the lucky (or possibly unlucky) man who will be paired with our own Zephyrus is…..**

 **REGULUS BLACK**

 **Thank you for voting and I hope those of you who voted for someone else are not too disappointed.**

* * *

 **I hope you all continue to enjoy reading - I also hope I see more reviews ;)**

 **Much love,**

 **~Rache**


	16. Chapter 16: Regulus Arcturus Black

Chapter Fifteen: Regulus Arcturus Black

* * *

"ZEPHYRUS LUPIN YOU GET YOUR ARSE OUT OF THAT BED NOW!"

I groaned, covering my head with my pillow in a futile attempt to drown Mum's shrieking out. I knew what day it was, it was the first day of September and the day we were going back to Hogwarts. I was excited to be going into my second year but I stayed up until four in the morning reading about the Animagus transformation process.

In hindsight, it was a stupid idea when I knew what time we were going to be hauled out of bed by the harpy, I mean loving parent currently attempting to shatter my eardrums, to keep working on it. It's just that I felt as if I was about to have a breakthrough, it was driving me crazy the last five days - like a word that you know, can literally taste it on the tip of your tongue, but for some reason won't come to mind. It was an itch that was impossible to scratch and I was no closer to my eureka moment after my late night study session that I was five days ago when the feeling originated.

"Hey, 'Phy, Mum is about to have a conniption fit." Remus said, poking his sandy haired head into my room and then gave me 'the look'. "You haven't even gotten out of bed."

"Did too." I protested, letting my pillow fall onto the wooden floor as I reluctantly climbed out of my warm and inviting mattress.

"So you could pee and go back to bed?" Remus asked sarcastically, already throwing some of my things into my trunk.

"No!" I denied, abruptly ending the stretching I was doing - also known as attempting to touch both the ceiling and the floor for an unknown reason when I was five feet six inches - to whip my head around and glare at him.

"Zephyrus." Remus said in his 'I'm-disappointed-with-you-and-you-better-tell-the-truth' voice.

"I got up to shut the door so it was more quiet." I grumbled rebelliously, turning away from Remus to grab my books and hide the smirk on my face after he let out an aggravated noise which sounded like a mix between a groan and a growl.

"Are you going to tell me what you've been so bloody secretive about this summer?" Remus asked, the now familiar annoyance with the subject making his voice lower than normal.

"It's not a big deal, Rem, I just want it to be a surprise." I sighed, going over to tug the book he was gripping with white knuckles out of his hand. I frowned at my brother's appearance - he was pale and sickly looking. Those two things combined with his irritated and uncharacteristic angry outbursts ensured it would be a very rough full moon for him in three days. It didn't help that we all knew it was going to be awful which just made the anticipation worse, making his mood worse, and insuring the transformation would be that much worse. It was a vicious cycle we were helpless to prevent.

Helpless for now at least, I thought as I glanced at the story book I had taken from Remus' hand. I had charmed all of the books on Animagus to appear as boring, fiction novels before leaving Hogwarts so that Remus and Dad did not know what I was really reading. Aside from one close call where Remus almost began reading the book, it had gone more smoothly than I originally anticipated thankfully.

"Just hurry up before Mum kills you." Remus muttered, stalking out of the room. I looked at the things scattered around my room, then at the open door, before guiltily pulling my wand out. One spell would make me feel less guilty than everyone being upset we were leaving late for the train. Granted, Dad could apparate us all there, but Mum hated traveling that way - she much prefered floo.

"Pack." I cast softly, waiting a moment to watch all of the clothes, books, quills, and parchment begin sorting itself into a somewhat organized pile in my school trunk. I scurried out of my room and threw open the bathroom door, brushing my teeth with one hand while throwing water on my hair with the other in a desperate attempt to tame it. I glanced at my wand longingly for a moment, thinking of the spell I had learned last year so I could sleep later while making my hair look better than it would if I did it myself.

I shook my head decisively, one spell was bad enough. I rushed back to my room, watching as the last book was tucked in the left side of my trunk, and grabbed my Gryffindor beanie out of the trunk. Thanking my good fortune that it was on top, I shoved the beanie over my hair and locked my trunk before hauling it down the steps.

"I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY ZEPHYRUS IF-" Mum was screaming like a banshee again but cut herself off mid shout when she saw me coming into the living room. I was disheveled, which was honestly my overall normal appearance anyway, but clearly packed and ready to go.

"Alright then boys, let's get this show on the road." Dad clapped his hands together cheerfully, beckoning Mum to come over to where he stood by the fireplace. I pointedly ignored the suspicious looks Remus was sending my way, cursing my laziness because we both knew I used magic to pack the bloody trunk and he was going to tear into me BAD when we were not near our parents. I shuffled over to the fireplace, watching Dad and Mum throw the floo powder and then observing as they began to spin quickly until they were gone. Remus didn't miss a beat.

"Magic, 'Phy?" Remus hissed, his face getting blotchy red from anger. "Do you want to get expelled? What were you thinking you wanker?"

"Remus." I urged, pointing towards the fire insistently. Letting out a huff of frustration, Remus angrily threw a little bit more powder into the fire before stepping into the green flames and yanking his trunk along with him.

I was not eager to get into the floo, Merlin it was awful spinning around like that when you were running low on sleep, but I got my shite together and stepped into the fireplace. The spinning was worse than I remembered it being but I only felt nauseous and dizzy for about five minutes after landing on my knees in front of Mum, Dad, and Remus. Judging by Remus' smug look, he decided me feeling like shite because of my laziness was a decent punishment for using magic because of the previously mentioned laziness. Was it still being lazy if I stayed up to work though?

"Alright, come along now." Mum hurried us, checking the clock inside the Floo Room of Kings Cross. Mum shot me a pointed glare as she spoke. "We have to hurry, we're running a little behind. Again."

Slowly, I brought up the rear of our familial unit, my eyes gazing around at all of the muggles who were being surrounded, unknowingly, by a great deal of witches and wizards. Mentally I snorted because that sounded like a terrible movie plot from my last life but I did not dare make any noises with Remus so close to his 'time of the month' and already being completely out of his good graces.

We made it through the wall between Platforms Nine and Ten, accessing Platform Nine and Three Quarters and being greeted by the scarlet Hogwarts Express. Students were running all over the place, as were parents and pets, but we navigated the crowd easily enough to get access to an entryway. My eyes were constantly scanning the crowd, looking for Sirius, James, Lily, and Severus as I was herded by Mum.

"Okay, we made it." Mum exhaled, another pointed look at me that I reflexively ignored.

"Love you both." Remus told them quietly, kissing Mum's cheek and hugging Dad tightly.

"Love you." I repeated, following the same motions as Remus.

"Write before the first week is over, I want to know how everything goes." Mum said, emphasizing the word everything - which basically mean the Full Moon. She then looked at me with fond exasperation, licking her thumb and wiping away toothpaste that had mixed with ashes from the floo off my cheek. "Zephyrus, when you boys write make sure you tell me what you left at the house so I can send it back with the owl."

I wanted to deny that I left anything but we all knew that was shite. I always left something. It drives me almost as crazy as my family because I was so organized with everything academically speaking, I could tell you where my second paper for Transfiguration last year was right now, but I probably forgot my wand or tennis-.

"Uh, hey Mum.." I trailed off, rubbing the back of my head with a guilty expression.

"What is it?" Mum asked expectantly

"I-uh, I left my jogging shoes. Can you send those back?" I asked sheepishly, letting out a chuckle when my entire family simultaneously groaned but cutting the laugh off when Mum gave me a look that would make Dark Wizards quake in their robes. Coughing awkwardly, I offered a half-hearted smile and Dad let out a full laugh as he pulled me towards him for another hug.

"You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached, Zephyrus." Dad joked, elbowing me in the shoulder gently to reinforce that he was only jesting. "Granted, you would probably figure out some way to live without a head or find a spell that regrew your head."

"Dad.." I whined lowly, self-consciously looking around to see if anyone was eavesdropping on our primetime Lupin family goodbye.

"What? My boys are two of the brightest in their year, I get bragging rights." Dad said shamelessly, his eyes lighting up in the same way my own green eyes did when I was about to cause some kind of mischief. Remus and I exchanged a look that lasted a tenth of a second but we were so in sync that was all we needed to start scrambling for our trunks and hauling them up the train steps together. "MY TWO BRIGHT, HA-"

Dad's shout, which had actually only gained two curious onlookers, was cut off before any more attention was drawn. Remus and I both gave Mum grateful glances, to which she just responded with a warm smile and an subtle eye-roll towards Dad that said 'I-can't-believe-I-married-this-man-but-I-love-him'.

With one last wave to our parents, Remus and I began making our way down the train to find the compartment James and Sirius were probably already stowed away in. To our displeasure, it was almost the complete opposite end of the train from where we started that we found them. Remus opened the compartment door easily, lifting his trunk up to stow it away and then turning to do the same with mine. Remus always got physically stronger when the Full Moon was near, not a significant amount but enough that it wasn't hard for him to do things like that.

"You will not believe what Dad just trie-" I started to tell James and Sirius, turning away from my twin to explain the embarrassing crisis that was only averted because of the timely intervention from Mum. The words stayed in my throat when I realized James and Sirius were not alone - there was another young, silver eyed and black haired boy sitting next to Sirius.

I glanced between the two of them, not even needing to do so to deduce that they were related but still comparing their features. Regulus seemed much more put together - hair styled in a neat, shiny pony tail whereas Sirius just let his hang around his shoulders in a carefree way. Sirius' jawline was stronger, possibly only because he was older, but Regulus inherited the phenomenal Black family genes. High cheekbones that went hand in hand with his aristocratic features, silver-grey eyes that were only a shade lighter than Sirius' own, and long eyelashes that boys generally did not have naturally. All in all, the first year boy was going to be just as handsome as Sirius though possibly in a refined way instead of the rugged, rough around the edges but still polished way Sirius managed to pull off.

"What happened to your face?" Regulus blurted out with a morbid fascination directed towards the scar I had from Greyback's attack. The younger Black yelped lowly when Sirius elbow was jammed firmly into his ribs but was still boldly staring at me expectantly, waiting for an answer to his intrusive question. I glanced around at my friends, noting Remus' sympathetic look, and then taking in my other two friends curiosity.

I was surprised, wondering why they were looking at me with as much curiosity as Regulus, despite being better at hiding it. Then I realized that neither James nor Sirius has ever asked about my facial scars. Other people had, usually just resulting in me giving them the could shoulder or cursing them depending on how they phrased it. It made me feel a little warm inside that despite obviously wanting to know, because James and Sirius wanted to know EVERYTHING, they had refrained from broaching to topic because they knew it made me self conscious - which I blamed on teenage hormones because I specifically remember not giving a damn about the giant scar before. Granted, that was before I was rehabilitated and taught to 'feel and experience my emotions in a healthy way'.

I still don't see how feeling bad about one's appearance is healthy but I have been assured, numerous times, that it is a completely normal part of growing up and being human in general. I only made it through puberty half way in my previous life and I was dreading having to go through it once more.

"It was an ice skating accident." I blurted out the first thing that came to mind and as I thought about my scar, it was actually kind of plausible. James and Sirius both knew I was full of it, of course, but did not press the issue. Regulus kept his eyes trained on me though, his lips barely pursed as he seemed to stare straight through me, and I had the distinct feeling that he knew it was a lie as well.

"Uh, so, this is Regulus, my little brother. He's a first year this year." Sirius said as he glanced between Regulus and I with a strange look on his face. "Reg, this is Zephyrus and Remus Lupin."

"Zephyrus?" Regulus asked, brightening a tiny bit at the mention of my name which honestly confused the hell out of me. Obviously he recognized it, so maybe he knew it from Greek mythology. This idea was instantly thrown out the metaphorical door when he asked his next question with his bright eyes focused, once again, on me. "Do you still have the chess set?"

"Of course." I said, glancing at Sirius who suddenly looked a little guilty. My eyes narrowed in suspicion at Sirius, who was looking everywhere but at me. "Would you like to see?"

"You don't mind?" Regulus checked, and I reassured that I was fine with it as I grabbed my trunk from the rack above our heads. If Sirius had been acting suspicious before, the only word that could describe him now was dodgy. James was watching him with a sadistic look of glee on his face and Remus seemed just as confused as I was. The only person who appeared ignorant of the odd behavior was Regulus, who was focused on the chess set I pulled from the case I had received for it on my birthday. It was honestly the best present I have ever received in either of my lifetimes, so I treated them as if they would crumble any second usually. Ironic, when you think about it, considering they were wizarding chess pieces.

"Wow, these look exactly like they did-" Regulus commented, the last few words drowned out by the unsubtle coughing fit Sirius suddenly fell victim too. I was beginning to have a sneaking suspicion about what was going. Thinking for the most polite and nonconfrontational way to go about testing my newly formed theory, I watched Regulus turn the chess pieces over in his hands reverently.

"Gorgeous, aren't they?" I asked, moving from the seat I was occupying beside Remus and James to sit beside Regulus, making him positioned between Sirius and I. I watched Regulus' face flush a little when he heard my words and the honest pride I felt at merely owning the beautiful set. My eyes connected with Sirius' over Regulus' head, which was bowed to examine the pieces more closely. Regulus remained blissfully unaware of the silent conversation Sirius and I were having while he looked over the carved figurines.

' _What the hell is going on, Sirius?'_ I conveyed with my face, using my head to gesture toward the chess set he had given me.

' _I have no idea what you are talking about.'_ Sirius' face replied, attempting to be casual and failing horrendously at doing so. His eyes soon darted to the windows and widened dramatically. _'Oh, Merlin, is that a dragon over by those mountains?'_

' _Last chance to come clean, Black.'_ My narrowed eyes told him, which he did not even see because of his weird, fidgety behavior.

This was one of our famous silent conversations, no sign language needed and conveyed through facial expressions and a little bit of conjecture. Okay, so a lot of conjecture but I know for a fact that dragon shite is something the wanker would attempt, so I'm sticking with it.

"You've taken really great care of them." Regulus commented happily, gingerly wrapping the 'White' side back up in the white cloth they were previously in before he eagerly unwrapped the pieces in the black cloth. The pride and affection on Regulus' face spoke volumes and basically confirmed my suspicion. I had always wondered why most of the 'Black' side pieces were done in more detail; they just appeared to have more effort put into them, which confused me the last year. Why would Sirius spend more time on the Slytherin's? I eventually decided it was to have a more accurate look when they get destroyed, feeding into Sirius' more violent and sadistic side. Now the answer was clear.

"Those are my most prized possessions." I told Regulus, gesturing to the beautiful carved figurine, complete with a huge pot belly and all, of Professor Slughorn currently in his hand. I smiled gently when Regulus blushed, his pale cheeks going fire engine road. I laughed a little at the sight because I have never seen Sirius blush - I honestly expected his little brother to be the same way.

"Are they really?" Regulus asked, trying to maintain an indifferent tone of voice but obviously pleased that I enjoyed them so much.

"Absolutely. I've never seen so much attention to detail and creativity - the fact that they were handmade, with me in mind, makes them more precious than anything gold could buy." I answered honestly, the same way I would have six months ago except purposefully leaving out how much I appreciated Sirius spending so much time on me.

"Yeah, it was a great idea." Regulus agreed, now looking over some of his family members dressed proudly in Slytherin robes and my lips twitched when I saw the proud look on his face as his eyes took them in. "I was so excited when Sirius asked if he thought I could do it, I never carved anything that detailed before and it took awhile to get the hang of it. When Sirius finally transfigured the color and then did that complicated spell to make it like a real wizards chess board, Kreacher was a big help with that of course, the end result… It was amazing."

My eyes snapped to Sirius' after the words left Regulus' mouth and I watched indifferently as Sirius' face took on a pained expression. My theory was right then. Regulus was the one who carved the pieces with such loving detail and Sirius had taken all of the credit - granted, it was his idea and his spellwork, but I thought about all the times I had gushed about the actual carving portion. I wasn't mad at Sirius as much as I was disappointed because I kept thinking about this little boy carving these by hand in Grimmauld Place. If I would have known, at the very least I would have written a thank you note.

"Yes, well I do appreciate you taking the time to carve them for me." I told him, my mind trying to come up with something that I could do or buy to repay him for the time he spent - I hate feeling as though I owe someone anything.

"I am just glad they are in good hands." Regulus replied with his cheeks still flushing red in embarrassment, Regulus ducked his head as though he was going to attempt to use his hair to shield him from view but forgot it was in a ponytail. This made him get even more red and flustered. I heard Sirius snicker and, after seeing Regulus duck his head again at the sound, I whipped my wand out and sent a relatively mild stinging hex at Sirius' thigh. Powerful enough to leave a welt for a few days but not bad enough to see Madame Pomfrey, especially considering how much of his clothing he would have to take off in order for her to properly get to it.

"Bloody Hell Z! What was th-" Sirius demanded while one of his hands rubbed the area I had hit with the hex.

"You know what that was for." I deadpanned, making him stop for a moment and consider me. After about five seconds, Sirius nodded his head and sat back down - we both knew that was the end of it between us. There was just no sense in fighting over a stupid thing like that but I wasn't going to let Sirius laugh at his brothers embarrassment when I owed the kid. I needed to protect-

"Oh!" I exclaimed out loud, mostly to myself but drawing the attention of the other occupants at the same time. I could feel all of their eyes on me as I rummaged through my trunk, cursing quietly to myself because this was why I hated magical packing - you have to really be thinking about where you want everything to go. Remus puts the same things in the same places, so it's easier, but I never have time to do that so it just ends up as a disorganized mess. I was beginning to worry I left it at home, getting almost to the bottom of the trunk with no success, when I heard a noise in one of my scarves. Unraveling the folded scarf, I gave a small cheer when the pendant I had been searching for feel into my open palm.

"Don't disturb me until I'm done." I said before any of them asked a question and while I snagged a book I had put to the side during the search for the pendant. I plopped down in the corner closest to the door and faced the wall so I could not see any of them. Opening the book to the dog eared page, I began reading just to make sure I was correct with all the information. Then I got to work.

I was not sure how much time passed but my legs were stiff when I finally felt that it was done. When I stood up, Regulus closed his book and watched me curiously. I glanced around the compartment, getting Remus' and Sirius' attention inadvertently. Glancing at the window seat where James was passed out, exhausted from his extensive Quidditch practices no doubt, I swallowed the laugh trying to make its way out. James was sporting half of an eyebrow that is pink and the other half orange in addition to a large mustache that reminded me of Slughorn's own bushy mustache. Remus was the one doing the eyebrows, I would be willing to bet, because I remember Professor McGonagall telling us we would be reviewed on it once we returned to Hogwarts. Leave it to Remus to incorporate studying into a prank.

Shaking my head in exasperation, I popped my back before plopping down into the seat next to Regulus. Turning to face him, I showed him what was in my hand, letting the lights in the compartment catch the metal. I bought the pendant when I was at Diagon Alley with Severus and Lily - it was extraordinarily inexpensive and I had been wanting to try something like this for quite awhile anyway.

The necklace was previously purely silver but I transfigured parts to make it more aesthetically pleasing. There were two feathers, one on each side of the center symbol which was basically a gust of wind. I changed each side of the feathers so that one of the house colors blended stylishly with the silver, making sure that all of Hogwarts was represented equally, and then I highlighted the wind symbol with a jade green. The necklace would reach a few spaces above Regulus' belly button but the chain could always be changed.

What was special about the necklace was not the new appearance but rather the other bit of, tricky I might add, magic that I put into the necklace. Remembering that it was possible to imbue items with magic, I had grabbed a book about the shield charm and had been practicing the theory ever since that trip to Diagon Alley - now it was time to see if it actually worked.

"That looks pretty cool." Regulus said cautiously, tilting his head in a silent question - why was I showing this to him.

"I want you to know how much I enjoyed your contribution to the chess set, so I want you to have this because I gave Sirius a present last year but didn't get one for you." I explained, a smile forming on my face when Regulus actually beamed at me for the present. When he reached for it, I stopped him with my hand and kept explaining. "It's not a normal necklace, I've put magic on it. I want to test it before you use it."

"What kind of magic?" Regulus asked eagerly, enthusiasm overflowing and making me laugh while gesturing for him to calm down.

"Want to help, Sirius?" I asked, narrowing my eyes when he hesitated. "Oh come on - I know how much you like to help with people's gifts."

"Oh come on." Sirius complained, standing up nevertheless. Sirius moved his arms to fold across his chest as he glowered. "Last time this gets used, deal?"

"Deal." I agreed happily, flashing him my teeth.

"What do I do?" Sirius asked resignedly

"Nothing, just stand there." I told him, watching the range of emotions flicker through his face while I placed the necklace over his head. Confusion, wariness, relief, and then cautiousness.

"What are you going to do?" Sirius asked suspiciously

"I'm going to cast another stinging hex; I need you to tell me if you feel anything." I explained, backing up to give us some distance. I pulled my wand out from my sleeve and gestured it towards Sirius with a grin on my face that I meant to be a touch unsettling.

"Stop goofing off." Sirius grouched and I shrugged, agreeing that there was no sense in delaying it.

I fired off two stinging hexes, one right after the other, and I watched in satisfaction as the shield charm on the necklace absorbed the blow easily without affecting Tony at all. I was happy with the necklace and it honestly made me feel better knowing, if Regulus is still a Slytherin, that he has some kind of protection against any mild hexes, jinxes, and curses. It would have been useful to have my first year and I know for a fact Slytherin was worse - Severus described some of it.

The only embarrassing thing about giving him the necklace is the 'gust of wind' in between the two feathers - that represents Zephyrus, the god of the east winds in Greek mythology. It was bought with the original wearer being me but now that I was giving it away, the symbol standing for the god with my same name could also be seen as me… claiming Regulus, in some weird way.

I dismissed the thought because it was ridiculous and I doubt anyone is going to associate that gust of wind with the God of the East Wind and then from there associate the pendant around Regulus' neck with me. It was a bit far fetched and there were a lot of reason I gave it to him. I grinned as I saw how eager Regulus was to put the necklace on now that he saw what it an do. Once it was around his neck, tucked safely into his robes, I made him promise to keep it out of everybody's sight and not tell anyone who does happen to see it what it really does.

The last thing I needed was getting sued, experimenting on human subjects, and whatever other laws I broke doing that. The grin on his face as he left to join the other first years and the way I saw him standing a little taller now made me feel like I had actually repaid him for all the time he spent carving the chess pieces.

James was absolutely vexed when he looked into the golden goblet and saw his face - well, he pretended to be vexed but the three of us could tell he thought it was hilarious. He amused us by trying to shape the mustache into various animals, most of them an animal pretending to be roadkill, and we only became quiet when the first years marched into the hall.

The sorting was much the same as it was last year, although Hufflepuff got a rather huge amount compared to the other houses, and the only interesting thing was Regulus' sorting. As soon as his name, Regulus Arcturus Black, was called out the hall fell silent with everyone's eyes on either.

"Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw,Ravenclaw. C'mon, Reggie, Ravenclaw." Sirius all muttered under his breath, anxiously waiting for the Sorting Hat to announce his brothers house.

"SLYTHERIN." The Sorting Hat called, being pulled away from his head by Professor McGonagall. Sirius tensed up when he saw that Regulus was.. Smiling, he was happy to be going to Slytherin. Regulus looked directly towards Sirius as soon as he got off of the stool, his smile fading when he took in Sirius' face. Silvery gray eyes moved Sirius over to me, the pale skin getting a lovely shade of red as soon as he realized I was looking back at him. He glanced back towards us as he headed towards the Slytherin table. I felt bad for him, knowing he wanted Sirius to be happy for him, which is why I gave him a full blown grin with two thumbs up. The way he seemed to perk up as he sidled up to his new Houses' table.

"Bloody hell. He didn't do it." Sirius muttered more to himself than anyone else, shaking his head back and forth, looking like he might be sick any moment. James and Remus were both focused on the Sorting Hat and missed the exchange between myself and the two Black brothers.

"He didn't do what, Sirius?" I asked patiently

"He was supposed to ask for anything but Slytherin. They are going to join him, all a bunch of nutters and blood purists. Too much incest, inbreeding, and regular old black arts crazy." Sirius confessed, gripping the table as though it were a lifeline. "Reg- he was smiling, looking relieved. He wanted to go to Slytherin."

That night back was a somber affair, Sirius stayed solemn for two days after the Sorting Hat incident, as we began referencing it, and it felt like early foreshadowing of the coming war. I knew Voldemort was out there, knew he was recruiting right now and fighting on a miniscule scale - that was it though, it was always an abstract concept. With how much I know about him or my life has been affected by him, he might as well still be fiction. Except Sirius brought it up, which means the war was beginning to pick up speed in the outside world; Tom Marvolo Riddle Jr was getting ready to reveal himself as The Dark Lord Voldemort.

I could feel the pressure beginning to build up and I prayed I wouldn't crack under it or drown. There were far too many things to do.

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 **A/N: What? No he didn't! Did... did he update twice in less than forty eight hours? Noooo, he didn't. Oh, no.**

 **YES I DID!**

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 **Chapter Fifteen Playlist: Song - Artist - Scene**

 **1\. Content Nausea - Parquet Courts - Zephryus getting out of bed**

 **2\. Familiar - Agnes Obel - Z meets Regulus**

 **3\. Rooting For You - London Grammar - Regulus gets sorted**

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 **Please remember to review ;) Hope everyone enjoys!**

 **~ Rache**


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